I’m having a hard time concentrating this week, even harder than usual, because my country appears to be imploding. Since I’m firmly on the side of the protesters, I’m thinking this is a good thing, the kind of thing that brings about change that’s much needed, but there’s so much bad to go with it, which means I should be doing something, saying something. Also I’m getting a root canal today. Added to all of that is the knowledge that the few times I’ve spoken up, I’ve gotten clobbered with “Oh, Jennifer, I’m so disappointed in you,” from readers who evidently thought that I must agree with them in thought, word, and deed or fall from grace, and my inclination is to step aside, not so much so that I won’t disappoint anybody (fuck them, my job is not to live up to their expectations) but because what I think and do are irrelevant. I think this is why I’m obsessively rereading the Murderbot stories: They’re about a powerful being with a strong central moral core who protects good people and defeats the bad, and it doesn’t hurt that when he needs to escape reality, he watches stories obsessively.
So my inclination is to keep rereading, survive the root canal, and try to make sense of the last HWSW chat Bob and I did Tuesday because my part was all over the freaking place. And to go out for the first time in two weeks to get my bank papers notarized and pick up some brioche so I can go face down in butter and jam sandwiches on lethal white bread after the root canal. (I’m assuming I will be given good drugs.) Also possibly doughnuts.
In the meantime, I’m trying to decide if writing Argh posts to directly talk about the flames is a good thing or a bad thing. Not that we’d try to stop anybody from talking about what’s going on, but is it better if this is a place where people can come to talk about books and roses and dessert without having to address the revolution, or do I need to write a post that says, “Racism is bad, I stand with the protestors.” Racism is bad and I do stand with the protestors, but I’m thinking maybe holding a door open for people to escape from the chaos may not be a bad thing, either.
Or it may just be me evading my responsibilities. Because the revolution that’s happening is not just an interesting news story, it’s my country, it’s the world, it’s everybody.
Also, I need sleep, so my decision making is not up to par. Plus there’s a bank and a root canal in my immediate future so my focus is lacking.
Argh. What do you want it to be right now?