I’ve been involved in some kind of schooling for most of my life, so September is my January. The summer’s over, the days get cooler, and I buy new pens. The NYT’s Wellness newsletter feels the same way, and asks these these questions:
- What do I want to do more of in my life?
- What do I want to do less?
- What do I want to start?
- What do I want to stop?
- What’s something that’s working that I want to continue?
I’ve been re-evaluating my life for the past couple of months, so I was ready to answer:
- What do I want to do more of in my life? Teach and paint (and draw and collage and you know, art), try new recipes
- What do I want to do less? Apologizing to people, giving so much away that I need
- What do I want to start? Some kind of video teaching project, paintings from my books, outdoor sketching, Zoom conversations with friends and family instead of e-mail and texts, going back to lifting weights and running, pausing to exult in my successes instead of beating myself up for my many failures
- What do I want to stop? Delayed gratification, feeling guilty, trying to conform to other people’s needs, apologizing
- What’s something that’s working that I want to continue? Writing, especially with Bob because he makes me a better writer, connecting with friends, especially e-mailing Anne Stuart every day (change that to Zoom), getting out with Johnny, and, of course, connecting with Argh and its people.
These are not resolutions, these are intentions, and they’re all things I want to do, not things I should do or tasks I set myself to be a better person. These are things that the person I am wants to do, needs to do for myself, to lead a better life. You know the selfish stuff you do for yourself. Selfish is healthy, although the nice frame for that is “self-care.” Same thing, putting yourself first. I’m going to have a very healthy new year.
Your turn:
- What do you want to do more of in your life?
- What do you want to do less?
- What do youI want to start?
- What do you want to stop?
- What’s something that’s working that you want to continue?
(It’s okay if you don’t end up doing any of those things. But it’s good to figure out what you want anyway.)
66 Responses
I like the word intention over resolution. It’s kinder.
What do you want to do more of in your life?
Read and write, reflect and weights/health
What do you want to do less?
Pander to others.
What do youI want to start?
My mother died last year, and left a treasure trove of letters between her and my grandmother about living first in Pakistan and then in Washington in the mid 1960s. I really want to make time to read the letters, reflect on them and then start work on a memoir of that very different time and place.
What do you want to stop?
I want to stop doing the things that other people tell me I should do.
What’s something that’s working that you want to continue?
Improving relationships at work. This is worth the effort and the time, and I feel as though I am breaking through in building what Margaret Wheatley described as ‘islands of sanity, where creativity, kindness and generosity’ are embedded and prioritised.
• What do you want to do more of in your life?
Enjoy my early retirement even more – 5 quarters to an hour 😊
• What do you want to do less?
Falling back into my old stress patterns.
• What do youI want to start?
Get rid of all the clutter I’ve pushed before me, because I had no energy to do more than just the bare minimum.
• What do you want to stop?
Try to fit into what other people want from me.
• What’s something that’s working that you want to continue?
Accept that not all my previous choices were optimal – and that’s perfectly OK. 😊
This is a tough one, since I’m in the midst of both a major fibro flare and dealing with an injury caused by trying to do yoga (which is great) to help my newly diagnosed severe osteoporosis, and feeling exhausted and a little defeated. But I’ll give it a shot.
What do you want to do more of in your life? Healthy exercise that works for my body. Fun things with friends.
What do you want to do less? Set intentions and then not follow up. (I’m looking at you, weight loss.)
What do you want to start? Establishing better patterns, especially with writing.
What do you want to stop? Caring so much about things I can’t change.
What’s something that’s working that you want to continue? Getting rid of crap. Writing better than I have in years.
What do you want to do more of in your life? Write. Hike.
What do you want to do less? Procrastinate. Watch TV.
What do you want to start? A daily writing habit.
What do you want to stop? Feeling like writing is a guilty-pleasure hobby.
What’s something that’s working that you want to continue? I joined a writer’s group that meets once a week; exercising.
What do you want to do more of in your life? Garden, walk, strength exercises, catch up with friends, travel more both to kids and on vacations
What do you want to do less? Deal with other people’s crises—I feel we did our share for a while
What do you want to start? Knitting and embroidery again
What do you want to stop? The nonpolicy part of day job which fortunately is already shrinking due to new boss
What’s something that’s working that you want to continue? Parenting adults— without giving inappropriate advice. Losing weight with zepbound.
But if I had a crystal ball I’m pretty sure it would tell me my future is dealing with mom as a severely limited invalid and eventually wrapping up her estate and emptying and selling her house.
Sometimes crystal balls suck…
Knowing it’s coming and not being able to prep is hard, isn’t it? And not knowing when it’s going to happen. I have these thoughts too, although I think I probably still have some years to go. Hugs.
That future in your crystal ball looks a lot like mine except both my parents are in it.
Hugs. It’s been 12 years since my dad died and I still miss him.
Debbie-
I’m also on Zepbound. I am losing & also the food noise is gone!
Wow, just a few questions… I have been working on some of these.
What do you want to do more of in your life?
• I would like to be better at watercolors.
•Be the grandma I never had (mine died or lived far away).
•Be a better Mom
• Be a fun partner after the nightmare of breast cancer and the blessing of remission with his caretaking and love.
What do you want to do less?
• I want to worry less about my health.
• Less resting and more doing.
• Doom scrolling and bitter comments
What do youI want to start?
• Sing again. Sing symphonic music, latin hymns, broadway tunes, and really all music. I lost my top octave due to medications. Arghh.
• Take a zoom course in art history. My husband took classes in University and I would like to know more.
• Be better at sight reading (music).
• volunteer/work again with children and or girls.
What do you want to stop?
• Dreading health problems.
• Trying to control everything and everyone.
• Letting go of the anger I have in my gut because of this administration.
What’s something that’s working that you want to continue?
• Watercolors,
• walking with my husband in the flower park.
• Eating low carb and low fat.
• Surrounding myself with flowers.
• Not buying “things” I don’t truly need.
• Buying local.
A non related thing:
Theater Jennifer if you are reading this please let us know how you are doing—even if it’s just “back reading but don’t want to give an update” .
Agreed!
Shass the same for you!
Debbie, thank you for remembering our friends, here. I think of them, but when it comes time to post something, I forget.
Agreed here too!
I am doing things a little differently. I think that I may have mentioned that I am embracing hedonism for the last quarter of the year and abandoning the plans? It’s not as exciting as it sounds, it’s just that I am very good at denying myself things for little to know reason and not nearly as good at letting myself wallow in enjoyment.
This year was really hard. I lost interest in pretty much everything I did enjoy and that really sucked. The year before that wasn’t all that better if I am being honest, I just hadn’t slowed down enough to notice it, but the crash was coming. My father just made it more dramatic.
Enter Operation Low Hanging Fruit. It’s three fold. One, I let myself have all the things. Doesn’t matter what it is, food, pants (I am very into pants this year after not buying any in recent memory, I blame the barrel leg trousers. I love them), books, going in a little late to work or extra work from home days. Couldn’t have done the last one before and I am determined to actually use the perks for as long as I have them.
Part two: My home is a mess and the fourth quarter of the year is typically frantic as I try to list and sell as much as possible. I tend to feel bad about this and get a little nuts and I need to let that go right now. Whatever happens, happens. If I clean, great. If I make applesauce, great. If I get the thanksgiving turkeys listed, awesome. But if I don’t, no guilt. No pressure. That part is gonna be hard.
Part 3: Do the things that make me feel better on purpose. Simple stuff, paint, work with my hands, exercise and get back to trying to drink reasonable amounts of water. Read books. Sleep on something approaching a schedule. I usually have to pick between these on any given day, the business of living taking up the bulk of my time, but it really is helping lead me out of the dark. Who knew? No journaling. I still hate that.
I have finished one painting, but I have four more in various degrees of progress. And I like this one, so that is something.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Dc_N353gLvg/?stkn=MXFlbzV2cWhsNHh4Yg==
I love that! I like the underlying checkerboard that makes it feel quilt-like, and I am amused that I am also working on things with a checkerboard sky, based entirely on Jenny’s descriptions of Tilda’s work in Faking It!
I was largely self taught before I went away to art school, mostly copying things out of books, so I really struggled with abstraction. It’s still hard for me to step away from hyper-realism if left to my own devices, but I feel like the best art is in that middle space between realistic and non-representational. It still has guide rails, but is loose enough to allow the viewer to insert themselves in a piece, interpret the story in their own way.
So when we were given an assignment as sophomores or juniors to make three pieces using something that altered our mark-making, I went with painter’s tape and checked skies based on Faking It. That grew into the quilt patterns for my senior thesis because that imagery felt like something that was actually mine to use; German heritage in Pennsylvania. We do a lot of quilts here, the women in my family made some, and it’s women’s work and storytelling. It checked all the boxes. And I have kept coming back to it for the last 13 years. I still haven’t figured it out.
I also found this artist this year and while I don’t usually buy prints, I think that I may need this one…
https://www.instagram.com/p/Dc1B6S3kY3C/?stkn=MTJmbDRrbmVsa2VpZQ==
Those are great quotes and art! What a find, Lupe!
That is a GREAT picture and caption. I just sent the link to my book club. That print should be on the wall of every female from middle-school-age on! Thanks for sharing!!
I want one that says, “It’s not your job to save everybody. Lie down.”
I would buy that. Should possibly tattoo it on my forehead…
The forehead is for other people to see. Try putting it somewhere that is easy for you to see, like your hand or the inside of your wrist.
THAT ONE.
That is beautiful. Love all of it, especially the checks and the mountains that look like cats to me.
Thank you!
What do you want to do more of in your life? :: Lure local connections to the house where we can socialize without the time limits, parking hassles, and expense of restaurants.
What do you want to do less? :: My life is already pretty small, so … nothing here.
What do you want to start? :: Eventually, play piano again and make my weird little art things again.
What do you want to stop? :: I’d love to stop worrying about whether my country will survive in a desirable form, but the issue is a bit too existential to be ignored.
What’s something that’s working that you want to continue? :: Getting out and doing things with DH. Adding back live music, theater, and dancing this summer has been GREAT. Also working, simple acts of persistence. Sitting down with a block of time to write, getting down on the floor with a block of time to stretch, etc.
more boats and sailing, and possibly ocean, more friends, more fun
less yielding to aggravation
start following the fun gradient – go where the pleasure is greater, and keep trending that direction
clarify the fine line between groove and rut, and escape when a groove becomes too deep and turns into a rut
continue studio time, reveling in the space that is All Mine, and continuing to experiment with the materials I have on hand and have learned to work with, expand that experience, mix up media,
You are all very inspiring!
Want: to purposely go with the flow and enjoy the journey.
Less: I was going to say frustration etc but actually I think Margaret put it better- stop trying to control everything and everyone
Start: acknowledge that if something bugs me, it bugs me. Just try to do what I can and not to make it someone else’s problem. Ooh ooh and Lupe’s low hanging fruit concept; need to remember to look for low hanging fruit.
Working: being mindful of all the little pleasures, like good cookies and making a stranger smile. Heck, making anyone smile.
My phrase for this year is “Not my problem, not my responsibility.” I constantly have to repeat it to myself to remind my automatic reflex that it isn’t my job to save everyone. Especially if they don’t want to be saved.
• What do I want to do more of in my life?
Routine strength training and aerobic exercise.
• What do I want to do less?
Nights with lousy sleep.
• What do I want to start?
Visiting with friends more often, whether in-person or on Zoom.
• What do I want to stop?
Letting disorganization waste my time.
• What’s something that’s working that I want to continue?
I want to continue meeting writer-friends on Zoom and writing like we’re at a cafe together.
These may be questions I’m not up to handling today. (Nothing wrong, I’m just tired and facing chores. Coffee may help.) In the meantime I repost below what I wrote yesterday under the Thursday topic, probably too late for many to have seen it:
Speaking of rereading, Fast Women by Jenny and two Llewellyn-published books by Deborah Blake have appeared as new to KU. And one of Bob’s Area 51 books.
Which two Llewellyn books, Patrick?
September is my January, as well. It really is a new year for me; in a new teaching position, in a new school, at a new level. I feel a little lost right now.
Every January, instead of making a list of resolutions I choose one word as the theme for the year. Bloom was my first word. Since then I’ve done Recognize, Action, Better, and Health. Every now and then I remember that I have a theme and I try to recenter around it. It feels like progress and less like a letdown if I forget for a week, or months at a time. One focus, no pressure. I’m not sure what next year’s word will be yet. I like the sound of Resilience, but it may not be where I’m at in four months. We’ll see what the year brings. Happy New Year to my teacher tribe! May your year be full of sharpened pencils, charged devices, and interested learners.
Tomorrow, I see the eye surgeon for the pre-op visit. The Tuesday after that is the surgery, then a week after that is the post-op. I am impatiently waiting to see how all this turns out, and then I can decide what the answers are to those very good questions. I know that sewing, crocheting, writing, reading, and more of that stuff I do with two working eyes is on the list. Also driving myself places, so I don’t have to depend on others. Doing my 2025 taxes. So many receipts!
My Phoenix son put together the stationary bike for me, so riding it is on the list, too. My elderly neighbor is tired of paying someone to rake up the leaves on her patio from the rubber tree in my courtyard, and wants me to have it pruned. I am tired of sweeping up those leaves! I want it out of there! And the Mulberry tree needs a good pruning, too.
Will be thinking of you in a week.
Thanks, Debbie!
Fingers and toes crossed that the surgery goes miraculously well.
Fingers crossed for you and sending hugs and warm fuzzies
You know, strange as it sounds, I only have the answers to one question: the first. The rest of them don’t seem to apply. I guess, I’m pretty content with my life at this moment and I want everything to continue as it is. So, here it goes.
* What do you want to do more of in your life?
Write. Make book covers for other writers.
I’m taking notes from everyone’s intentions for inspiration to add to my own intentions! Mine are pretty basic, although I do feel good about the last question (the things that are working):
What do I want to do more of in my life? Fiction writing and blogging about my rare disorder.
What do I want to do less? Doomscrolling.
What do I want to start? Adding a walk-at-home routine to my gentle-exercise routine, and taking baby steps through fall cleaning (one tiny bit of a deep-cleaning project each and every day through mid-October—actually started this one yesterday).
What do I want to stop? Stress eating.
What’s something that’s working that I want to continue? Two things: 1. daily gentle exercise (via https://justinagustin.com videos) that I started earlier this summer, and 2. setting a LIMITED number of priorities for the day (usually 3), and then declaring the day to have been productive if I do all (or even most) of them, instead of bemoaning all the things I failed to do.
Great ideas, Gin.
What do I want more of in life? I want to feel more productive, like I’m not doing just what I need to do to get through the day. I want quality time with my husband when he retires and I have days off.
What do I want to do less? Spend less time on my phone or watching tv.
What do I want to start? Some sort of regular exercise or stretching routine, cooking better meals.
What do I want to stop? Scrolling social media. This one is tough for me, because I enjoy seeing what’s out there, and trying to stay up on what’s going on in the world. The problem is, what’s going on in the world makes me sad, angry, annoyed. Limiting to local news helps.
What’s something that’s working that I want to continue? Working with my husband around the house. He is nesting as his working days wind down. He has been making headway on organizing and stocking up. I would like to continue helping him with that. Yard work is another big area we need to tackle.
Gobsmacked here. You ran and lifted weights?
You know, I thought that list was good for me to fill out, and would probably be good for you all. What I didn’t realize was how interesting it would be to read your answers. We’ve known each other for a while, so it wasn’t like reading about strangers. More like characters in a book we’re all writing every week. Thank you for answering.
And thank you Jenny for asking the questions! I was working on some of them and continue to do so. These are important to me, life has a way of blurring out the important.
What do I want to do more of in my life? Sleep, read, create, travel
What do I want to do less? Stress over my work, procrastinate
What do I want to start? Writing, taking care of my health, managing time properly & make time for people in my life
What do I want to stop? Doomscrolling, ignoring my health, just reacting instead of planning
What’s something that’s working that I want to continue? My one teeny tiny step a day… I choose one thing that I should do and do it.
More? Get to bed consistently and earlier. Read.
Less? Yard work. I’ve been putting in ground cover in place that are hard to mow. It takes time to fill in.
Start: Baking and knitting/crocheting again.
Stop?Accumulating stuff. I’m getting better at this.
What’s working? I’ve gained some weight and am starting to take it back off. Speaking up/pushing back during meetings.
I guess my priorities, and possibilities, have changed pretty radically since my wife died.
What do I want to do more of in my life? Was, spend more time with my wife, and travel more with my wife, and visit my parents more often (they’re 86 and live 1300 miles away).
Now, I don’t know. I guess finish the fencing manual I have been working on. That was a lower priority before. I can still visit my parents more.
What do I want to do less? I was thinking of cutting back on giving lessons and traveling to tournaments to coach, so I could spend more time with Veronica.
Now, there’s no reason to do that, except lack of energy, and motivation. And having to find someone to look after the cats.
What do I want to start? I didn’t really have anything for this before. Maybe start trying to write fiction again.
Now, I guess I want to start cleaning out Veronica’s stuff. Gathering and donating her clothes and jewelry to Kiwanis. She insisted that the Fiestaware and vintage Christmas houses that she collected be sold, because they have become valuable and Kiwanis would sell them for a quarter apiece, so I have to learn to sell things on eBay. That’s where she got most of them from.
What do I want to stop? Blaming myself for not spending more time with Veronica before. We thought we had another 15-20 years. I’m still upset that I went off to Portland to coach at Nationals and missed two of the last five weeks of her life. Yes, we didn’t know that at the time, and she encouraged me to go. But she was like that, and didn’t let on how poorly she was feeling.
What’s something that’s working that I want to continue? Losing weight. Since I’m trying, vaguely, to get ready for Vet Worlds I’m on the no donuts or ice cream diet. The rest of my eating habits haven’t really changed. I’ve lost 6 pounds in 6 weeks. If that continues I’ll have lost another 5 by the time I have to fence at Vet Worlds in October.
Gary, it’s ok to not be able to make choices right now. I didn’t even lose anyone and I have been stuck for almost a year. Deciding what to make for dinner was too much.
My mother in law started cleaning out right away after her husband died. My father didn’t get rid of or change a single thing in the last 30 years. Neither are right or wrong.
If I can be of any help navigating selling things online, please feel free to reach out to me at everde8@gmail.com
I sell on Etsy, not eBay, but I have made a lot of mistakes and learned some things and would be happy to chat. My husband has sold on eBay, but it’s been a handful of years so I don’t know how relevant his experience is…
I’m very sorry for your loss.
Take your time. Sometimes you have to sit with your feelings for awhile before you can see clearly. And I am so sorry for your loss.
Gary, I would have a hard time trying to think if I were in your shoes. So sorry. You did what she wanted you to do, and you still are! That is all we can do right? Comply with our partner’s wishes whenever possible.
Gary, my sincere condolences on your loss.
Grief and loss are so difficult, Gary. Big hugs.
All condolence, all hugs. Day by day, and take your time.
Gary, loss is so hard to deal with especially if it was unexpected. Don’t beat yourself up for things that can’t be changed now. I know your wife wouldn’t be happy that you are making yourself unhappy over her. Remember the love and celebrate that you had that.
Sending hugs.
What do I want to do more of in my life? fun things that don’t involve food
What do I want to do less? centering activities around food
What do I want to start? getting my house in order to sell
What do I want to stop? being sedentary, procrastinating
What’s something that’s working that I want to continue? Zepbound GLP1
More? Eat earlier, get to bed earlier.
Less? Putting friends off.
Start: More walking after meals. Deep cleaning. Getting plants in the ground.
Stop? Hating getting up for early exercise class.
What’s working? Just about everything, the above is all minor.
Jenny – thank you for sharing both the questions and your answers. Thank you to everyone who shared!
As for me…
What do I want to do more of in my life? Have fun, be happy; travel; read
What do I want to do less? Worry, planning for worse case scenarios, stressing
What do I want to start? A consistent exercise routine that includes strength training and flexibility that doesn’t cause injury; planning for retirement
What do I want to stop? Injuring myself; dictatorships (sadly, not in my control)
What’s something that’s working that I want to continue? My marriage
I’m sure that I have have more answers for each section.
More? Art. The more I do, the better I feel.
Less? Procrastinating.
Start? Serious decluttering.
Stop? Not sure about this one. Oh! Dithering. Not that I do it a lot. But enough.
Continue? My exercise routine. The secret art project with my son. Mini-adventures with my husband.
This list has already helped me. My biggest want to do under More is spend more time with friends. I had been emailing my Milwaukee friend at work but finally called her cell phone last night. She hadn’t received my messages at work because she has retired. But that means that we do not have to wait for a Jewish holiday that I don’t observe to get together. Today she returned last night’s call and we chose a date to meet in Chicago and take the Archicenter Boat tour together. Let’s hope the weather cooperates because it is really not fun in the rain. Now I just have to find a fun place for lunch where we can sit for a long time and catch up.
And I have to call the other 3 people who haven’t heard from me all year.
When I worked in the loop, I always enjoyed Exchequer Pub. However, it’s probably been 20 years since I was there.