Sometimes I get overwhelmed. Okay, I often get overwhelmed. There’s this house that I still haven’t gotten sorted even though I’ve lived here for two years. And then there’s the book we’re working on, have been working on, have 50,000+ words done on, and when Bob said, in well controlled exasperation, “Well, what does Anna WANT?” I had no idea. However, whenever I have a plan, I’m fine. I’m much too scatter-brained and, at this point in my recovery, too tired to have a dog, but Johnny and I hit the road three times a day every day for at least fifteen minutes each time. Because he’ll explode if I don’t take him out, and I love him and want him to be happy. That’s a plan. So now all I need is a plan to keep my house and my heroine from exploding. I can do that. Planning makes me happy.
What made you happy this week?
144 Responses
Is it 2 years already? Sheesh, how time flies. I feel you on the overwhelmed-thing, I have that too. Any news on the Rocky Start-audiobooks?
I also had a plan. Because Person stresses me out, I thought I’d send them a message to let them know I need a little time to sort myself out because reasons and would get back to them once I had. I emphasized that it’s all me and that I just can’t be as active in the contact as I think they deserve because I don’t feel good right now. I woke up this morning to find a 27+ minutes long message from them and I… I don’t have words. Was I not clear enough on that I needed LESS to respond to? … And now, in my head, those are 27+ minutes of them telling me how bad a person/human/friend I am, since that’s the experience I have got from them the past years, and now my stress-levels are quadruppled instead of lowered. My heart has been on turbo since I saw the message. Ugh.
Okay, so the happies. I’m happy I finished Speedy the knittycat! Thanks to everyone who loved him. <3
The horsebackriding Thursday with CarMech SIL was AMAZING. I had so much fun and it's been the best thing I've done in years, most definitely the best part of our days away. Going to Sarah Millican was fun, and this was 5 times as fun. It was raining all day EXCEPT for the hour we were out riding, so we thanked the weather gods for that. I was happy to discover that my stamina wasn't as bad as I thought. Apparently SIL looked more dead than I after every trotting-part of the ride, because the lady riding with us kept asking her if she felt all right but not me haha. We did no cantering or galloping, because SIL wasn't comfortable, but that's okay. I was smiling all the time. Such a huge, huge happy. I've really missed horsebackriding a lot, more than doing martial arts, I think, and I miss that too tremendously. Will try and see if I can find a way to do it somewhere around here at least once every so often.
I'm happy to be back home with my love and my kitts. Trip was sulking most of Friday after I came home and absolutely did NOT want to snuggle, but in the evening she gave up being proud and keeping her distance and has been a tick ever since. Matcha behaved pretty much as normal, with some extra volume-levels of purr.
I'm happy the vacation-days went better than expected. I feel very done with going away from home for a while now though. And everyone is sick, so either I have it coming, or I gave it to them since I was unwell before we went… we will find out.
Hope everyone has a great week ahead!
Shass, the situation with your person sounds horrible. I wiuld stay silent from now on. They don’t want to hear you or respect your needs. It’s not you that’s a bad friend!! Don’t let yourself be sucked dry of energy and made feel bad, too. Hugs from the South ❤️
Time to cut the ties. This isn’t healthy. Hugs. Sometimes people come into your life for a while, then they go. For reasons.
But I’m so glad your trip went well!
Thanks for hugs!
It sure as fuck (sorry for language) isn’t healthy. It’s been killing me for a long time. I’ve been trying to find strategies, but I honestly don’t know how to work this thing out. I want them to be gone, directly and indirectly, from my life.
Then just block them, don’t return calls or emails, and tell them point blank that you’re done.
Thank you so much, Dodo. That’s very reassuring. Hugs also always welcome. I still don’t know what the 27+ minutes message says, but that you record a 27+ minutes message after someone has asked for some rest/time off… isn’t respect to me. I would’ve preferred no answer at all, or a short: “Sorry to hear you’re not feeling well, let me know when things have improved/if I can do anything for you” or whatever. That’s how people I feel safe with would generally behave. I put all the blame on myself for being not enough right now but also needing space, so if they are offended AGAIN by something that wasn’t aimed at them, I… just can’t. Now this message will lie there and stress me out forever. One part of me wants to know what it says so I can go: “Okay, proof of me really needing to cut the ties here”, but do I really need more proof than this?
I am so, so bad at cutting ties. I am so scared of doing things wrong. And I can’t get rid of them 100 %, they’ll still be indirectly a part of things for as long as close people think they are the best thing ever. 🙁
I’m trying to understand, Shass. People close to you think “person” is the best thing ever? Do they not realize what’s been happening? Is “person” nice to everyone but you? Are you being bullied, and your closest allies don’t “get it”? Can you gather some of those close to you to listen to the long message with you, for support, and to show them what “person” is really like? The risk is that maybe it’s 27 minutes of apology, but that seems very doubtful, and even if that was the case, it’s still completely ignoring your request and that you don’t feel well.
Could Sven listen to it? And let you know not to bother with listenkng youself?
That’s what I was going to suggest!
Shass- at work they give us verbiage for situations.
Verbiage for Shass to use with Person ” No! And BTW No is a complete sentence. Bye now.”
Life is too short for voluntary time spent with annoying PERSONs.
I totally agree with Judy here.
I tell people that “No” is a magic spell. A powerful word with intent behind it. Feel free to add “Hell or Fuck” in front of it for emphasis.
Me too!
Thank you, Judy. I’m taking NO with me.
I kind of just want to write “NO” as reply to that message and never listen to it.
DO IT!!!!!
Shass, I really feel for you in this situation. But there is a wonderful feeling of (healthy) wickedness in saying No to people like this. If you want to cut them off, and it sounds as if you do, then you don’t need to listen to the message. I totally agree with those who said get Sven to listen to it and tell you if there’s anything you really need to know.
Shass, you have tried to be nice to this PERSON, and they responded that way?? I”m with everyone else who posted a reply. Tell them that was the last straw and to get lost.
Thank you so much for the support, Jan. It means a lot. I am far too good at second-guessing my own judgement. But my whole body screams “No No NO this is WRONG!”. 🙁
Technically I don’t know what the message said, but since I got a 15 minute lecture a couple of months ago where they(!) were personally offended that I(!) felt bad… I can imagine what it says. I could be wrong, absolutely. I won’t know until I listen to it. But I don’t want to. I’ve seen how this works a lot of times before, and not just towards me.
Anxiety-level: very high.
Don’t listen yourself. Ask someone clise to act as a puffer. If the 27+ minutes speech has the message you fear it has, you won’t get hurt but know how to proceed (by distancing yourself/grey reacting/saying “fuck, no!”).
Shass, I think the buffer idea is good. I also agree with everyone that you’re going to have to break with this person. You suggested earlier that there were complications in doing that, but I suspect that you’ll have to work around them somehow.
Shass, And by now, breaking may mean just not reading or replying to any further communications. I don’t think that you have to do anything directly confrontational. Other people here may have more relevant personal experience or better social skills than I do, of course, so my suggestions are offered only for what they’re worth.
I agree with Dodo and everyone else .
I think you said once you have to deal with this person but it doesn’t sound like they can be dealt with. If you can’t completely avoid them can you go grey rock?
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock
Thank you, Debbie. I think “deal with” is more like… I need to find a way to handle them being part of my life at this point, even indirectly, or make the Relation with whom they are in contact see that they are not the most amazing person ever to walk this earth.
Thanks for the link! I’ve been reading up o the Grey Rock-thing. Maybe I could try that.
Pocket hugs to get you through this. I have found grey rock to be really helpful. In my case two tricks for implementing it were
1) keep all responses short —one sentence
2) slow everything down. So if they email you don’t reply right away, give it a day or two.
Let us know how it goes!
This is really good advice. When I was having trouble getting my family to listen to me, my shrink at the time told me to distill my position down to one or two short sentences and keep repeating them until the opposition winds down. But I still think that cutting off contact is the way to go because nothing else will convey the message that this Person (and the enabler) do not get a vote in your life.
Grey rocking is AWESOME! Once I saw this kind of behavior as a pattern, I stopped trying to defend myself (useless) and started seeing this behavior for the emotion-seeking nuclear bomb that it was. Because that is the goal for this type of haranguing – to keep flopping you around and poking you when you stop. Grey rocking works! It might take time, but once you remove the “emotion” food source, the bottom-feeders slither away. (Lol, I mixed a lot of metaphor, but you get the idea).
Shass, I agree with everyone else here. You do not need that kind of person in your life if that’s how they are going to treat you.
No… No I don’t. Thank you so much for the support. <3
This person spent over 27 minutes telling you that you are a terrible person and then is upset that you are pulling back from the relationship? If you were anywhere near what this person says you are, they should be overjoyed to hear less from you. This is indisputable proof that they are the one who needs to adjust their behavior and expectation, not you. And the love, support and pocket hugs that you offer all of us on this blog is proof that you are not selfish or unfeeling. Sheesh.
Aunt Snack. I am crying now. Thank you so much. That was the sweetest thing I’ve read in a long, long time. Again, I haven’t listened to the message yet, but I feel strongly that if they respected or cared about what I sent them, a 27+ minutes long message is not a logical response. And, as I mentioned above, a couple of months ago they sent me a 15+ minutes message on how offended they(!) were that I wasn’t feeling well and they took that very personal… so it feels like history repeating.
I COULD be wrong. Maybe they are having a 27 minutes talk on how sorry they are that I’m not at my best right now and suggesting ways to help. But, somehow I have very strong doubts that that is the case. I’m not very keen to hear almost half an hour on how massively I have hurt them with my message, a message that put 100 % of the responsibility/blame/whatever you like on myself. But it’s haunting me.
I think that having someone you trust listen to this message for you is a good idea. If the person has called to apologize, your friend can tell you. And if they didn’t, then you can delete the message and change your focus to how to avoid them. But there is no reason to take that kind of poison into yourself.
What a good idea
Shass, I agree with everyone here. You don’t need this person in your life.
Thank you, Carrie. I am so bad at listening to myself, I keep second guessing. It’s good to hear that I am not insane. Thank you. <3
Is there any way you can reverse that message back to the Person and say “listen to yourself, from where I am, I no longer wish to communicate with you.”
I very much doubt that would help. I don’t think they would listen, or hear what they themselves say. They are generally more of the approach: “WHY ARE YOU MAKING A PROBLEM OUT OF SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T EVEN HAPPEN REALLY???! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO DIFFICULT??! “, even though they created the sense of wrong in the first place.
I thought I could turn my screaming feelings of misgivings around and make this work, but… it’s not changing. I only feel increasingly worse about things.
Shass, I’m very late reading this thread, but just wanted to suggest another strategy to end this connectionn iin case it appeals. This person obviously has big stuff going on – how about imagining cutting the tes between you and sending them peace?
“‘ WHY ARE YOU MAKING A PROBLEM OUT OF SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T EVEN HAPPEN REALLY???! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO DIFFICULT?’”
So… we can add gaslighting to their list of toxic tricks.
I agree this person is gaslighting &/or totally narcissistic, Shass. Either way they are abusing you because they only want to continue to promote their own agenda. It isn’t possible to deal rationally with people like that because every encounter with their target is aimed at feeding their own needs.
I wonder if you could just offer them peace as Jane suggests or wish them well without any further explanation.
Then perhaps also tell the person/s where you connect that you having contact with the Person is unhealthy for you & whilst you respect their friendship with them you need to remove yourself from interactions with them for the foreseeable future.
Unburdening ourselves from others expectations can be so hard but it is an ultimate form of self care.
Best wishes
Oh, woof! It takes so much to write that email stating what you need and setting some boundaries – to have that request be so disrespected (for 27 minutes!), would make me feel physically sick. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.
I *am* feeling physically sick. It stresses me out incredibly and I feel so bad about this whole thing. Thank you so much for the sympathy and support. <3
In my Peace Breathing class they would recommend, “Inhale: Fading Away. Exhale: World Peace” And as we say or think Fading Away, I try to imagine all my fear and anger rising through my skull and dissipating so that the space it leaves can fill with World Peace.
Shass, I think you’d be completely justified in deleting a 27-minute message unheard. Considering you asked for space, that’s aggressive to the point of abusive.
Really? …is it? So that I actually *do* feel abused isn’t me being silly…?
Imagine my relief when reading that. Thank you so much, Chacha. I… will try to dare to.
I think somewhere I “want to”/need to hear it to get proof of this being just as wrong as it feels, but I really, really, REALLY don’t want to. The only things they have managed to do is to make me trust them even less and feel about a thousand billion percent less safe with them, even without having heard that message. I really do. not. want. to. listen. to. that.
I am also late to the party and I completely agree with Chachal.
Oh yes, this is definitely emotion/verbal abuse. It can be a weird, twisty, slippery beast but the bottom of it is control. This person wants to be in a position of power and trying to create that imbalance is abuse. It’s hard for compassionate people to call it that because these people are unhealthy and do need help and we can see the roots of their behavior and feel bad if they feel bad (or pretend to). But you are not responsible for their emotions. I know it is hard to unlearn that when they put the onus on you for years.
In regards to the family member that you are struggling to function around, maybe you can tell them that Person has made it very clear that they don’t want you in their life? Because that is my takeaway from a 27 minute rant. They are breaking up with you, which is beyond your control and now you need to respect Person’s boundaries.
Shass, the person definitely sounds like someone you can do without. A 27-minute-long message is definitely unhinged. That person needs to reset their priorities and rethink their life.
Shass, just block the non-friend and go riding.
I can relate to the feelings of being overwhelmed. There is so much that I want to do, and so much that I need to do and I have to spend most of my time at the day job, which feeds neither… Except for money, which is also important.
Small bites. That’s what I keep telling myself. Head down, don’t look at the big, may, giant overwhelming picture. One small task at a time.
I am in Philadelphia this weekend, visiting my sister for the first time. She has lived here for 5 years. So I am overwhelmed in a different, somewhat better way. Getting here was it’s own trial, also parking. But both of those tasks were accomplished. Now I am overwhelmed with all the choices of places to eat and things to do… I really may be coming down with another case of decision fatigue but this is more fun than chores.
Shass, the situation with your person sounds horrible. I wiuld stay silent from now on. They don’t want to hear you or respect your needs. It’s not you that’s a bad friend!! Don’t let yourself be sucked dry of energy and made feel bad, too. Hugs from the South ❤️
Sorry, wrong place!
I hope your sister appreciates that you made your way there, Lupe.
It was a good visit. She has been there for about 5 years and has done all the driving, so it really was my turn. Still, I hated getting in and out of the city. All the turns in heavy traffic. So I will probably try to meet her half way for a visit in the future. Jim Thorpe is almost half way and is supposed to be very cute and fun. And other places in the Poconos.
This is probably too late to be useful, but I’m in Philly, so if you ever need recommendations, I can make a list (or just tell you where to go if a list is still too many options) before your next visit! Good luck!
Thanks! If I go back maybe we could get a coffee or something. I really enjoyed Philly, although getting in and out of the city is not fun. My sister is in South Philly in a very quiet neighborhood. We went to Chinatown, which I loved, and the South East Asian Market at a park on Sunday. The food was great. And we caught the tail end of a Pride Festival and got to watch some drag performances.
Yes, definitely hit me up! I’m also in South Philly 🙂
Chinatown is a blast (though it can get very busy), and SE Asian Market at FDR Park is so cool!
Glad you had a good time in the end!
Philly is wonderful, but definitely overwhelming. My top recommendation is Philly Magic Garden. It is spectacular, if you like mosaics and outsider art.
I hope you get to the Art Museum. Since you are an artist I think you would absolutely love it.
Ooo. We didn’t this visit, but that is definitely more to my taste than the Liberty Bell.
That sounds amazing! Next time, hopefully.
I can understand feeling overwhelmed. And not knowing what your heroine wants. I start a story and feel very confident until someone asks what my characters want and my mind goes blank.
Happiness is switching over to my new computer. I sent in final edits on the continuity book, handed a proposal for the next book over to my agent, and got enough written on the book that’s due next week to compile it from Scrivener into Word. I’ve printed it out and am reading it with my handy red pen.
Ha! Couldn’t figure out why this site didn’t know me but it must be the new computer!
Yes, it was the new computer. Every time my Mac updates, I get a message from some sites that they don’t recognize this computer. It’s a pain, but can be handled. Glad you got the changeover done!
Congratulations with all that good work and having switched over to the new computer. Hopefully all the characters will start behaving themselves now too as a result. Change is good. 🙂
I love making plans and lists, but my follow-through can be horrible; I’ve lived here for 13yrs and have yet to finish painting the interior…
My garden has beucoup de sprouting things which makes me super excited every time I water!
Similar feeling here, Jenny!!
Living in our house fir 1.5 years and there’re still plenty of boxes unpacked.
Our lease is up after 4 years so unpacking means sorting and getting rid of stuff for the next move. My intrinsic motivation is low…
Forgot the happy:
An email with a big praise from one of the nicest profs in my school for my part in a research project made me happy (and a bonus on top vmcame completel out of thd blue).
Strangely, seeing the insta posts from the production of the Heated Rivalry TV series made me happy. The vibe is so youthful and exuberant. Made me realize that Shane and Ilya really are youngsters at the start of the story.
I’m also feeling a little overwhelmed, because of work. I did write down all my priorities which I found a very calming thing to do. Then had a conversation with the team about how to resource some of those priorities because I can’t do them all, an even more calming thing to do.
And then I watched episode five of Murderbot hey , the calmest thing of all to do. Although I shriek at the end of every half hour episode because it always ends on a cliffhanger! Even though I know how it ultimately turns out.
Yes, the MB cliffhanger are infuriating, sigh.
I am glad you have such a good team!
I saw someone suggesting that the cliffhangers remind the of the old school doctor who series and framing that way has helped. I remember episodes constantly ending on mortal peril from daleks or weird fluffy worms,
Overwhelmed has been my default since getting long Covid 5 years ago. There is too much to do, and not nearly enough energy to do it. Plus of course, the emotional overwhelm from the current state of the world.
I just try to break the “must do” list down into manageable bites and then rejoice any time I actually achieve one. [Today was change sheets on bed, and change from winter comforter to summer comforter. Still to go, gardening stuff since it actually stopped raining for 15 minutes.] And when I reach the end of the day and feel like I haven’t accomplished much, I take a moment to list all the things I’ve done, large and small, and it is usually more than I think.
My happy is getting a new water filtration system installed, after fighting with the old one for years. It did mean having the plumber here all day yesterday, and lots of extra work (and a LOT of money) but hopefully this one will do what it is supposed to do and my water will stop turning everything red and nasty.
Also, on my way out the door to pick up tomatoes and eggplant my friend Chris started for me, and then in a bit my friend Ellen will come help me in the garden (a weekend day without rain! It’s a freaking miracle) for a bit before we watch yesterday’s horse race.
Now if only I were actually getting any writing done…
Good for you, Deborah. I come to the end of a day, sometimes, and ask myself why I’m so tired, when I didn’t do anything. Then I look at that day’s page on my calendar and see all the small things I wrote down to do and realize it was quite a lot, sometimes involving stairs and other exercise.
Tomatoes, eggplant, and basil planted. Friend did some weeding. And the bird that somehow made its way INSIDE the pellet stove (apparently the mesh covering the exhaust is too wide) and drove the cats crazy for hours before my exhausted brain figured out why, has been safely released back into the outside. [Lock cats in bedroom. Open living room window just in case. Hold large cat box in front of pellet stove in hopes bird will fly into it. Open door to stove. Bird avoids box and flies directly out open window. WHEW.]
I am SO TIRED.
Holy and cow! That was an adventure. Glad it made it out the window.
Two years? Really?! It seems so recent. Considering all the writing you and Bob have done, it’s not surprising that some other things were put aside. It’s so good that you and Johnny get outside for even 15 minutes three times a day. Keep moving, kiddo.
I planned to mow today, but the grass is sopping wet, so far. I planned to chop some of the low-hanging Elderberry branches off, and they are heavy from yesterday’s rain, and dew, too. I’ve been walking in the evenings, but I think that will have to end, soon, as it is finally warming up to summer temperatures. So that means walking first thing in the morning. In a way, that is good, because then the rest of the day is free. However, the air quality is worse in the morning, and the humidity is, too. That’s the Midwest for you.
I have been feeling overwhelmed every time I walk into my home office which has somehow become the house “dumping ground” — you know all that stuff you clear away “temporarily” when guests come over and which then never goes back? The mess in there just feels like too much cause cleaning it up means lots of reorganizing. But this morning I read an article in the Washington Post about a guy who spends all his spare time cleaning dump sites –removing tires specially — and though he realizes there are billions of tires in illegal dump sites all over the world, he just focuses on what he CAN do and does it. That article inspired me: my office is a mess but it isn’t infested with poison ivy, snakes, mosquitoes and real garbage. If that guy can tackle the country’s dumps one at a time, then I can clean up that small room! It’s raining outside so I have no more excuse and strangely, this inspiration has made me very happy today. Specially thinking of how happy I will be to have this off my conscience. Clearly for me it’s the small stuff…
I was overwhelmed for so so long. Since getting settled here, I’ve been mostly okay, but if I choose to add (or have to add), even the slightest chore or stress, I feel incredibly overwhelmed. For me at least, it seems like coping ability was a finite resource. Maybe it will build back up over time, but it seems unlikely, since life is always throwing curve balls and my tank is already empty. Am I mixing metaphors here? I’ve always wanted to do that. 🙂
Wait. You were selling a house (I think), packing, moving, and unpacking. Seems to me like you had a lot of coping ability and were using it and now your tank is going to need to take time to refill after all that stress!
A lot of what made me happy this week were moments when I actually felt like I was creating a plan/following a plan. Yet I am bad at planning. It’s a weird conundrum that is difficult to figure all out, but we can just keep trying to every day, yeah?
Congrats on the success at something you find hard—that’s great.
I get easily overwhelmed with multiple priorities. Thus time of year, I prioritize anything that involves the gardens because a) our gardening season is short and b) I would rather be outside than inside. This week, I focused on the vegetable garden. All the seedlings are in the ground except for the basil and some companion flowers. I’ve planted my first round of bush beans and carrots, plus lots of greens, including arugula (my favourite). The radishes in my raised bed are going gangbusters so I thinned them out this week. Also replanted chard and mesclun as not all the seedlings are germinated. Lots of planting on the farm too. Working in the dirt makes me so happy!
I introduced a friend to my CrossFit class and she enjoyed it. She had an ankle replacement earlier this year and has been wanting to get back into an exercise program. Coach Pete, despite drinking way too much CrossFit koolaid, is an excellent coach and made sure my friend had the necessary accommodations so the class worked for her.
I spent an afternoon cleaning my house. Household chores are always at the bottom of my to-do list but the state of the house was too much for even me. Since mid-May, the back table has been used to store plants at night as it’s often been too cold for them at night. Now that most of them are planted, I cleaned off the rest of the stuff on it and wiped off all the dirt. I even vacuumed which is my least favourite task but bringing the plants knowing and out meant lots of dirt. I’m going to try and devote an afternoon a week to housework but we’ll see how it goes. Chances are I can find something else to do.
Hmmm. CrossFit koolaid. Is there such a thing? Susan, is that a euphemism, or a metaphor?
My way of describing someone who believes deeply in an activity or idea and is unable/unwilling to accept any criticism of said activity/idea no matter the validity.
Years-in-home made me look mine up, because I never remember. Closing was 2022-12-29. We moved in starting then and over New Years 2023, about two-and-a-half years ago. I can’t say the house isn’t organized. The dotter keeps it so. The Owner’s Suite could use a tidying, but then it always can.
Spring hydroponic planting this year was 2025-05-01. There have been a few supplemental plantings as seeds arrived. I’m looking at a mid-June evaluation of the seed pods, culling any that haven’t germinated by then and replacing them with some sort of salad greens.
I have taken a new job that requires relocation to Pennsylvania and I am overwhelmed with packing our house. We still have my house, his house and a garage of my parents stuff. Pennsylvania is not our retirement goal and we are deciding what goes, what stays and what needs to given away or trashed.
The big issue is my parents library. They still have a nice collection of reference books and scripts that I need to find a home for. Anyone have a connection at a drama school that would like a donation to its library?
Argh, relocation stress. Hang in there!
Call Julliard and ask for the library?
Congratulations on the new job! Any chance your new home area has a drama school that could use them? It would be a great way to get to know people and make friends.
Welcome to PA! What area, if you don’t mind me asking. I am in Williamsport, home of the Little League World Series.
I’ve come to terms with being constantly overwhelmed (maybe) and have accepted it as just a normal part of my life! Don’t even have nightmares about it any longer. One trick that helped me was to re-label the bare-minimum housework from a chore to a benefit, focusing not on the work itself, but the benefit I get when it’s done. So now my weekly basic housework happens on a Sunday and serves to create a fresh start to the week on Monday (general tidying, empty the recycling, superficial cleaning of the kitchen, run the dishwasher, fill the pill organizers). That way, I start the week feeling unburdened by the mess. Which of course re-accumulates, but I know that Sunday will arrive, and I’ll deal with it then. And I can prioritize other things, the stuff I care about, the rest of the week.
Anyway. big happy this week is that I finally subscribed to Apple tv, and binged Murderbot. So. Much. Fun. I’ve read the books so often that I practically have them memorized, but I’m still enjoying the tv version. And it’s striking how much of the dialogue is taken verbatim from the books.
Also, I’m happy that the millions of little lettuce plants growing on my deck are starting to reach harvest size, at least for “baby” lettuces. And most of the seeds I planted in the new metal raised garden have sprouted, despite the drought we’re in (and rain yesterday may have lessened the drought a bit, without actually ending it).
Stressed by my child’s nail-biting ending to the school year. Will she have to do summer school? Stay tuned…
Happy because of Ted Lasso and Murderbot and also work is fine, even if I don’t want to do it. One of these days I’ll win the lottery and then husband and I can retire. And my kids will all be self supporting.
Like other people posting, I’m overwhelmed and trying to take it a day at a time. I’m also wishing my stamina would improve faster.
On the list for today are, among other things: (1) remembering or researching how to change ink cartridges in the printer, so I can print a routine lab order for tomorrow, and printing that; (2) paying outstanding lab co-pay; (3) moving some files from tablet to computer to free up storage. And hoping I wake up enough soon to accomplish the above. Then making another stab at straightening up the kitchen. And more stuff, time and energy permitting. In the meantime I’m drinking more coffee and reading my book-club book, which I’ve nearly finished.
Ooh, that reminds me that I need to call my endocrinologist’s office to have them send me some lab slips. I keep forgetting (okay, maybe more on purpose than inadvertent).
I am out in the suburbs with the cats. This is a somewhat longer stay so the usual stand-offishness has begun to wear off. Friday night I was watching television from the recliner when Amber jumped into my lap and started to butt me with her head. I scratched behind her ears and began to pet her, but she wouldn’t settle down. I came to the conclusion that she wanted that chair and sat on the couch next to the recliner last night when I went up to watch the news. She repeated the whole process on the couch, so I now know that she was actually feeling affectionate and not just territorial about the recliner. This made me happy, but I now have 2 shirts that are completely covered with cat hair.
My other happy was having lunch out with my sister and our friend Carol. I sometimes get lonely when I am out here because I don’t see anybody I know, but these lunches feel like a special treat because now both my sister and Carol have difficulties doing things in my part of town and being able to meet somewhere they don’t have to worry about getting access to a car or finding parking that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg makes for a much easier afternoon. And tomorrow Kitty and I will go through my Mom’s old recipe box and dig out the recipes we want to keep and store them in a more permanent and accessible fashion. I’ve come to realize that even though my Mother and my paternal Grandmother were amazing cooks, I have almost none of their recipes. I’m hoping that between us, Kitty and I can reconstruct some of them (even though I know that there a lot of things that I will never make.
Aunt Snack,
At least as of a few hours ago the VNF giveaway was still on. Even from your sister’s you could “buy” it on the Amazon main page under your own account (being careful not to use your sister’s Amazon account or she’ll get it, not you) and not download it (or download it again) from your Kindle library when you get home, if that works out better.
I closed my Amazon account after they kept charging me for my BIL’s subscriptions. I also get regular phone calls from scammers who claim that someone has charged hundreds on my Amazon account. All in all, I think I am much better off without one.
Aunt Snack, I’m puzzled as to how this is consistent with what you wrote under VNF Is Free on 7 June, where you specifically mention Amazon and Kindle.
Okay, Patrick, I’ll try to straighten out your confusion.
I bought the Lavender’s Blue trilogy in paperback through my brother-in-law’s Amazon Prime account. Since then they have billed his subscriptions to my debit account whenever he was at all late paying for his memberships. They chose my card because I was the last person of the 4 members of the family who used this account. Despite the fact that the account is in my BIL’s name and my card is not, they charged my card.
It took a few months and multiple calls from both me and my BIL, but I finally got my card numbers taken off my BIL’s Amazon Prime account.
A week or two ago, when VNF was given out for free I was bemoaning the fact that I dislike reading novels onscreen and wasn’t about to go out and buy an e-reader anytime soon. And my library often only buys romances in formats that I need an e-reader to check out. So when I told my niece about my frustration that I was unable to take advantage of the free book offer, she offered to buy me a cheap Kindle. Because my other reasons for not dealing with Amazon are still an issue for me, I declined. And I really do find reading a whole book online tiring for my eyes. I realize that this may not make sense to most people, but it is what I can live with now.
There is nothing better than making a plan when you are feeling overwhelmed. I don’t know if it’s the pause that that requires you to take, the distance you must have to make the plan, or just having a plan in place but I suspect it’s all three.
My happy was cleaning up from the end of the school year and getting notes and pictures from families. Happy summer break to everyone who is in school!
I’m going in for day surgery Wednesday and been preparing myself with a little of this and that. Friday I finally got around to putting my sweaters in bags and using the vacuum to draw the air out of them. I didn’t realize how stiff and heavy they would be. Anyway, my plan was to get them flat enough I could store them under the bed. Depending on the sweaters I could only fit six in the bags so they would be flat for storage. Yesterday I moved summer clothes in and winter clothes out. Also, going through t-shirts I put aside for Goodwill most of my short sleeve t’s. My 80-year-old arms are not as pleasant looking as my 50-year-old arms. Now it is elbow sleeve for me. And crepey skin. Geesh!
Next, I’m going to have to remind my son to bring the wheelchair up from the cellar in order to get me from the car to the house. Oh, and I also remembered we have a lift as part of the recliner so that is good too. See, I’m planning as I write this. Now all I have to do is to keep my meds straight and not take some of them one or two days before.
I’m with you, Mary, on the elbow sleeve tees. I wish more companies made them. Duluth Trading usually has some. But several other catalogs stores I shop do not. They are missing a bet, there!
I was telling an assistant at Marks & Spencer only this morning that if only they’d offer V-neck three-quarter sleeve T-shirts, I’d be buying a load of them rather than once again rejecting the round-neck cap-sleeved ones they’re offering instead.
Mary! Sending you strength and pocket hugs to bring with you for surgery Wednesday. Please keep us updated on how you’re feeling when you are able. You’ve already done the planning, now it’s only the action that needs to happen. Cheering for you!
Good luck with the surgery and your recovery.
Good luck with the surgery!
I went right from sitting around a hotel room for over a week resting and catching up on my sleep to two straight full work days to having everything crash down on me and feeling like crap yesterday afternoon and accomplishing nothing. We are still on a 4 hour alert but the lines are holding and the fire is contained and slowly burning itself out. They are still bombing it but some of the crews have had to move on to other fires.
Being evacuated drove Paul nuts. He kept thinking about all the stuff we could have been doing at home. My brain hates transitioning between states but as soon as it adjusts, it’s fine.
I’m happy to be home, that’s the biggest thing. The dogs got new beds and they are happy. One of Paul’s coworkers and his sons are going to help him lay sod next weekend, I have to work Saturday, so that’s also good. With three of them it won’t take long.
Yay for being home, Cherry!! That’s great news. The air quality here is better, so that might be from your fires dying down.
I’m very happy to hear this, Cherry.
I’m adding this post to my happies for this week! Must feel great to be back home. <3
I’m glad you and your home are okay!
Just FYI – We have a thing called “hurricane brain” here, but it’s actually a scientifically proven concept that labels the brain’s response to trauma. Basically, after some major storms and stressful weather-related situations, we found ourselves unable to do things like multi-task, drive while on taking, getting things done. It turns out that our brains slow down a bit and have trouble recalling info, sorting tasks, etc. When my town was wiped out, it took a few months to get back in gear. Shorter-term problems cause a shorter-term brain delay, so here’s hoping that your situation improves soon. It’s stressful, but once you know why you are struggling, it helps with the mindset to just wait it out. It’ll come back soon. All the best with recovery for everyone there.
That should read – “drive while talking”
My happies today are mostly moving-related productivity happies.
I’ve packed 22 boxes so far, which makes me happy. All of these are obviously “first in, last out” type stuff and I’ve used plastic storage boxes which were already on hand, after relocating their soft & squishy contents which, honestly, did not need to be in boxes at all.
Prepped the front room for removal of a large piece of furniture. The friend who is claiming it is en route, her moving support will arrive an hour or so after she does.
My friend will also take away the last of my folding metal trellis screens from the garden. More decluttering = happy.
Loaded the car with four bags and two giant heavy collapsible pet carriers to take to Goodwill later. Ten years ago when my little black cat was sick, I got a smaller, lighter, soft and non-slippery and non-rattly carrier for her. Which I still have, and which – confirmed this morning – Miss Kitters O’Scruffian likes a lot more than the big ones. She went into it as soon as I unzipped it and made happy sounds.
Some of the boxes I’ve packed have space for little bits more, which when the Real Packing commences will rapidly fill up. I still have one drawer of sentimentalia to scan into the digital archive. There’s a book donation bag in progress. Every bit of stuff I get out of the house now makes me happy.
Also, it’s one week till we leave for Alaska. While travel at the moment makes me nervous, I know we’ll have a fabulous time once we get off the goddamned plane.
And finally, I’m really happy I moved the bird feeder to the backyard. It’s been a hilarious riot out there ever since and I can see all the activity much better during breaks away from my desk.
So many happies! And even better: Adventures ahead! Can’t wait to hear how Alaska was. 🙂
I went to two cabaret shows and two birthday celebrations, all of that was fun.
Who needs plans?
Says the author of The Green Beret Preparation and Survival Guide, wherein it is stressed to have a plan for every eventuality.🙄 I feel pretty good that I have most of the suggestions in the book fulfilled. I hope I don’t have to use the go-bags. But if I do, they are ready, now.
Anyone who wants to survive?
🤣🤣
So… the first 🤣 was for Bob’s comment. The 🤣🤣 were for when I read Deb’s reply. If I had been drinking something, I would have done a spit take.
🤣
I can’t wait for the audiobooks to The Rocky Start series. I have a couple of friends i want to share them with.
I tried using GPT CHAT to query a children’s picture book. After a few tries i got a lovely letter and a list of agents and publishers that might like a neurodiverse picture book.
I feel this simplified the querying process immensely.
I sent in an audition for a role in an episode of High Potential and i have advanced to “Avail” status.
The Tony awards are tonight. My favorite award show because i love the musical numbers. Jenny, i am affirming Anna will let you know what she wants very soon.
Blessings, all.
Don’t know if you’ve heard of the Society for Children’s Book Writers and Illustrated, but it’s highly recommended for anyone pursuing publication of kid-lit. https://www.scbwi.org/
Also, as someone with a significant amount of experience with query letters and helping others write them, I wouldn’t trust ChatGPT with a query letter, which is something of an art form that has really nuanced differences in expectations from genre to genre, not something generative AI can comprehend. SCBWI likely has resources to help you write your own letter that can accommodate those nuances.
If you want to double-check the list of agents and publishers (to confirm it’s not filled with hallucinations, and so you don’t submit to a predatory entity that would absolutely be interested in a kid-lit story, but only to scam the author), Absolute Write has a section of its forum where it collects authors’ experiences with agents/pubs. A lot of predatory entities LOOK legit in ways that generative AI can’t identify as the scams they are, which is why you need to double-check them with reliable sources. The Writer Beware site (supported by the Science Fiction community, but not limited to SF agents/publishers) is another good place to check for predatory agents/publishers.
Oh, you’d be great on High Potential.
I saw these vintage cherry earrings and immediately thought of you!
https://minniemae.co.uk/shop/p/vintage-plastic-cherry-earringBeautiful
A. Jenny, the link went to an error page. Dang! I wanted to see those earrings.
I fixed it for you! 🙂
https://minniemae.co.uk/shop/p/vintage-plastic-cherry-earring
Good job, Shass! Those look fresh-picked!
Thank you!
Those are LOVELY!!
Would love them ❤️
Very cute!
My favorite help for overwhelm and housekeeping comes from Dana White’s, A Slob Comes Clean., She has some great help for creatives. My favorite three rules:
– Do all the dishes every day.
– Take five minutes to just pick up trash and put things where they go. This is a great go to for me. I can set a timer, and I immediately feel better once it’s done.
– Clean one area that you can see – not a drawer that is hidden.
Wishing you all the best. We didn’t unpack when we moved last year because we thought we were moving again. However, now that we are staying out, I am spending this week trying to unpack (and to start a master’s and write). I was so stuck, so this post is helping me take my own advice. Off to clean one area!
Follow-up: I got the ink cartridge changed and the lab order moved from tablet to the laptop and printed (which required clearing off my physical desk to make room for the laptop) , and decided to call the day a win for anything requiring higher brain function. Perhaps I can knock off some mindless tasks before bed too.
I noticed on the order that fasting is not required, unlike my previous annual bloodwork. Per internet, this is likely a valid change, but I expect I’ll skip breakfast (and creamer) beforehand anyhow in case it was a mistake.
I wish doctors would be clear in advance about fasting v. not-fasting. My specialists are, but my PCP insisted on doing some tests right away, on the way out of the building after my appointment (meaning, it was mid-afternoon, so clearly not fasting). So, okay, apparently they don’t need to be done fasting, or she’d have told me to do them the next morning instead of insisting on RIGHT NOW, before you go home, and then I get the results back, and several were off, and so I had to redo them fasting, and then they were normal. Sigh.
The real fun is when they want me to do a whole slew of tests, some of which MUST be done fasting to have any meaning whatsoever (calcium and phosphorus), and others MUST be done not-fasting (thyroid).
It would be nice if labs had a fail-safe warning in their systems for which should be done fasting and which should be done within a certain time of eating (like pharmacies do when a drug is prescribed that has bad interactions with other drugs the patient is already taking), and they would confirm before they draw the blood. Although I guess that’s too much to expect, given that labs can’t even get the normal ranges right for some tests. (New research just published showed that SIGNIFICANTLY less than half, closer to a third, of all labs in Austria use the correct normal range for pediatric phosphorus blood tests, which is different from the adult normal. I’m pretty sure the rate of incorrect ranges would be very similar in other countries; it’s just that the researchers happened to live in Austria and were therefore looking at Austrian data.)
Already underwater here, trying not to drown from the things I have to do. So this week I picked one thing and did it… Today I washed my hair, so I am taking the win. This week I managed to read a library book, Friday I cut up cardboard to make bookmarks, now all set to decorate them. Saturday I made myself go back to bed as I am very sleep deprived. So this week I have made progress really, slow but I’ll take it. Take care everyone… just keep swimming
Overwhelmed. I just tell myself I just need to get through the coming week. Unfortunately, another complicated week always follows.
This week is a Monday morning meeting, dinner with a friend, Pixie’s needle biopsy (she has a growth on her chest but completely normal behavior), another meeting and voter registration at the farmers market, Juneteenth and a No Kings protest.
The meetings should be short and I don’t have to go anywhere Friday and Sunday. Could be worse.
I did mow the lawn today in between the rain showers and am actually getting to bed early tonight.
My happy this weekend was finally taking some things that needed to be shredded to the community shredder. They had been cluttering up my condo and I’m happy to be rid of them. For the past few weekends I’ve been cleaning and decluttering. And I’ve finally just accepted that someone who enjoys cleaning would have been done weeks ago, but that I have limits on what I can stand to do. I really think I’ve developed adult-onset ADHD. Or my lifelong coping skills have degraded. Anyway, it’s okay. I’m getting it done.
I’ve also been scheduling vacations with deposits during what would be deadlines next year as insurance to make sure I retire. I’m going to leave my office in the lurch when I leave, which makes me feel guilty, though my rational brain reminds me that they will cope and no one is irreplaceable.
And also Murderbot on TV. That makes me very happy.
Hang in there, Jenny. You need time to fully recover after your heart attack. If you push yourself you’ll be back in hospital and that’s not an option. My advice is to cut the dog-walks down to twice a day, 15 mins. morning and night and only if the weather is fine and you’re feeling up to it, spend ‘me’ each day cuddled up with a book someone else has written, forget what the house looks like, and set yourself to write for no more than two hours a day with weekends off. You can always go back to being fully gung-ho once you’re feeling like ‘you’ again. Nothing is worth having another heart attack!
Jenny, I’d follow medical advice and, if your doctors said it was okay, not cut back on dogwalking unless it exhausts you (in which case, renegotiating the medical advice might be in order). These days more exercise after a heart attack rather than less seems to be recommended.
This was a brilliant suggestion, June! I’m just recovering from a sudden decision not to continue working for awhile and let my husband do the heavy finance labor while I start cleaning and organizing all the piles/collections of “do this later” stuff all around my house.
Not having some anchor in your life that you’re used to having — with me it’s not working vs. working every weekday, while with other people it might be a move or a loss/addition of some new person in your family system.
I have LOVED this whole post — the questions, the answers, comments — everything.
To me, women’s literature revolves around our emotional responses to the human worlds around us. We read love stories or family stories or watch them on TV to try to cope with the world around us by reacting to other people’s life problems and feelings, and this post has made it clear to me that most of the readers of Jenny’s blog are other people who are sensitive to these problems and feelings too.
Which is WONDERFUL! It’s really nice when the wonderful Jenny Crusie gives a lot of opportunities for feeling/thinking women to consider this kind of thing head on.
And she does it SO darn nicely!!
Many thanks to all of you!!!!!
Smooch.
Actually, the three walks a day are probably saving my life. Exercise is one of the most important things to do after your heart goes south, and these are fun, fairly short (six blocks) jaunts with a dog that’s fun to watch. I did check with the cardiologist who said it was the perfect amount of exercise for me, so I’m good. But thank you for the support!
This week has been quietly stressful as we wait for DH surgery. But we have been trying to fill it with friends so we went to a baseball game with one set and brunch with another, and those were happier. Also I tried again to get DH to let me get rid of about half the stuff in a kitchen cabinet and this time he agreed. So that’s a happy. It’s really nice to be able to find the stuff we actually use.
Our garden is looking great (despite the deer eating all my lilies again which infuriates me. I should have used the organic deer spray despite the rain but it’s not supposed to work if it rains in 24 hours. I’m hoping some will produce more blooms. Argh.)
Have been feeling overwhelmed for a long time, so I just have to remind myself that right now what with commitments and caring for my parents, it actually HAS BEEN overwhelming. That helps keep me from continuously scolding myself.
My happy is that my commitments have been fulfilled regarding search committees I’ve served on, and the church has a new music director and a new pastor coming. My long term community chorus board I sing with has ended. Phew! My plans now are quiet Swedish Death Cleaning around the house, and using my new box of paints.
Another happy is having burned about five bags of papers in the fire pit. One because they’re finally out of my sight, and two, because fire is fun.
I had to cancel my birthday bonfire party, but we’re trying again on Friday, weather willing.
Further follow-up: The lab technician at my blood draw said that some doctors now were not requiring fasting on annual tests but that with a lipid panel you get better results when fasting, so the N on the order may or may not have been a mistake. Just as well that I fasted, anyhow.
That all went smoothly, but it turns out that high-flouride toothpaste now comes in a different size tube than before, and my dentist changed the prescription without telling me. So I’ve got to go back to the pharmacy for my customary second tube, and now I wonder if insurance will cover it. If not, I’ll refuse it and I’ll have to get more frequent refills. Feh. But it seems I was annoyed with the pharmacy for something not really their fault. In any case I seem to be stuck with a second stop tomorrow to pick the second tube up, since they only ordered one.