Every spring, I kick myself for not starting a journal at the beginning of January, and then I remember I’ve been doing this blog for fourteen (?) years and that’s kind of like journaling, although I don’t publish the dark side of my life because who needs that? and besides I’m trying to project an air of competence and calm here, not scream into the night in despair and longing.
Where was I? Oh, right, happiness.
So I decided this week that since 2020 was such a cesspit, I’m throwing all of it out. Well, not the stuff I was writing, but the baggage that comes with it, the growing certainty that I’m a shallow mediocre writer, and the even stronger certainty that this cottage that I love is going to fall in on my head and kill me. Story of my life: Love gone wrong.
Where was I? Oh, yeah, reboot of my life through journaling.
So this year I’m going to start thinking about things in a new way, so I’ve sent for a journal and I’m going to write something every day that makes me look at things diffferently, although some of those days are probably going to be just “God, today sucked.” Of course, I’ve been trying to journal every year since I was twelve and got one of those white leatherette diaries with a lock and key, and I never follow through, but THIS YEAR I found a Christian Lacroix journal and it’s fabulous, or at least I hope it will be when it finally gets here. It was expensive, given that you can find journals for four bucks at Walmart, but this is COLLAGE, (go here to see it in all of its expensive glory), it has pop-ups in it, it comes with STICKERS.
Yes, I am four years old. What’s your point?
My point is that sometimes happiness is ridiculous and when it comes you must embrace it whole heartedly, especially the ridiculous parts. Everything in my life that has made me manic with happiness has been ridiculous, and even if it turned dark later, the rush in the beginning was worth it. The journal isn’t even HERE yet, and already I’m typing in ALL CAPS.
A ridiculous journal made me ridiculously happy this week and sparked BIG PLANS for 2021.
What made you happy this week?