Have Another Nita Outtake

I’m spending too much time having fun with Max and Button. and not moving the story.  So this scene has to go because it does absolutely nothing to advance the plot.  Here you go, Argh, have an outtake from Act Three, which I am pleased to say is now 29,000 words which is close enough to the length I need.  This scene died in a good cause.:

 

When Max got back to the bar with Chloe, he saw Nita and Nick in the back room. So that’s all right.  He turned back to Chloe but Rab called him over. 

“You and Chloe Button?” Rab said in disbelief.

Max leaned closer.  “Do you have any idea how exciting it is to kiss a woman who’s genetically programmed to kill you?”

“Don’t sleep with her,” Rab said.

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Max said.  Thinking about it, yes, planning on it, no.  “Why do you care?”

“I don’t.  Nick does.”

Max frowned.  “I’m pretty sure Nick is heading in Nita’s direction.”

“He’s not jealous.  He just doesn’t let us sleep with humans when we’re on the job.  Or ever.  So don’t make a pass.”

“She’s a Button,” Max said.  “Imagine the ways she can say ‘no.’”

“Good point,” Rab said and went down the bar in answer to one of the Hotels waving at him.

Except she might not say no, Max thought and looked back at Chloe.

She met his stare as he came back to her.  “Now what are you up to?”

“I lied to Rab, I’m planning my approach,” Max said, looking down into those blue demon-killing eyes.

Chloe frowned.  “Your approach to what?  Because if this is something for Mammon–”

“My approach to seducing you,” Max said.

“Oh.”  Chloe’s frown cleared.  “Making that move any time soon, demon?”

“It’s gonna take some thought.  I’m afraid you’ll kill me.”

Chloe sighed.  “Then it’s impossible.  I couldn’t possible have sex with a wimp.”

“That’s too bad,” Max said.  “I’m reallygood in bed.”

‘Not if you scream ‘Don’t shoot me!’ when you come.” Chloe began to turn away.

Max caught her by the arm and swung her back to him and kissed her again, and she kissed him back, roiling him with waves of lust and terror that he was almost getting used to.  

“This is a ridiculous relationship,” he told her.  “Although the fear adds a nice edge.” 

She laughed and wrapped her arms around him and nestled into him, and lust swamped the fear completely, and he gave up.

She probably won’t kill me, he thought and kissed her again.  

45 thoughts on “Have Another Nita Outtake

  1. The problem is, it doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t move the plot, it does’t arc the relationship, it doesn’t provide essential information, it doesn’t enhance details of the setting . . . it’s just snappy patter and the “snappy” is debatable. And I have to cut 40,000 w0rds. About half of which are gone now, thanks to excising scenes like this and Mort.

    Today, after putting it off and cutting the other three acts, I must go in and slash the hell out of Act Two. I foresee much Diet Coke today.

    11+
    1. I’m very happy that you share the outtakes here (and that I visit to see them). I’m sad that Mort was axed. RIP. This also was a fun scene. I suppose this means there’s no chance that Joyce the cat makes it?

      Any chance of putting out an extended, fan-requested cut – one with all the outtakes?

      8+
      1. You don’t want the outtakes, they get in the way of the story.
        They do make convenient blog posts (g).

        11+
      2. Oh please consider it. Or make a graveyard of deleted scenes we can visit. I’m thinking a map of the island with an inset of the underworld and lots of little red x’s.

        3+
        1. I did have a map somewhere, but it wasn’t very good. Kind of mash-up of Nantucket it and Mackinac. I can put an outtakes page on the website, too, when the book page finally goes up. And we’ll always have Argh.

          3+
    2. People say* that Michelangelo, when asked how he created one of his masterpieces replied, “It is easy. You just chip away the stone that doesn’t look like David.”

      You’re just chipping away everything that doesn’t look like The Devil in Nita Dodd. You will achieve yet another masterpiece (mistresspiece??) and we will throw money at you.

      * In other words, it’s another unsubstantiated attribution.

      4+
      1. It does here (g). Glad you’re happy. Not screwing up the final book with nothing scenes, but you can always come here and revisit.

        1+
  2. Oh Jenny I would have LOVED that long book…… please indulge us with your”not good enough scenes”. Thank goodness Max and Chloe work it out??

    7+
    1. They’re still sparring at the end of the book. The entire book takes five days, and they’re fighting Evil most of that time, so they basically have something similar to this scene at the end of the book. Only the scene there is better.

      15+
  3. “Not if you scream ‘Don’t shoot me!’ when you come.” Chloe began to turn away.”

    Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Thanks for the outtake, Jenny. It’s exactly what I needed.

    10+
  4. Scene beguiles with its rhythm and OF COURSE all the snark. To me, Chloe and Max are the hot couple I want to read about.

    4+
    1. I told Krissie that Chloe and Max are the fun couple to write, like my old Harlequins. And there’s plenty of them in the book, they get the subplot.

      11+
  5. Oh no, keep this scene. It’s so lovely I want to roll in it. I can see relationship arc. Oodles of it. It’s great. Internal conflict resulting in a decision to do X. He experiences dilemma about the relationship – classic push-pull. She turns away and he pulls her back – physical action. At the end he has made a decision to surrender to her. He also gives us important information about how Nick doesn’t allow intimate human contact. Please put this back! Where do I stand with my protest placard?

    5+
    1. They have other scenes that do the same thing and move the plot. This is just me noodling with characters I like. It goes.

      9+
  6. “She’s a Button,” Max said. “Imagine the ways she can say ‘no.’”
    “Not if you scream ‘Don’t shoot me!’ when you come.”

    I snort laughed at those two lines. I’d be happy if you can squeeze these in somewhere – anywhere!

    Also – I noticed the Hotels are mentioned in this scene. Did they survive the rest of the book? 🙂

    9+
  7. A fun scene, yet I get how it would get in the way.

    Thank you for showing us the hard work of focusing on story.

    And just know that every time I find myself pushing through some other author’s infodumps and backstory blocks, I mutter, “Curse you, Crusie, for making me want stories that MOVE.”

    9+
    1. Yeah, Crusie’s ruined me for patience with info dumps and slow starts. And there’s gotta be both story arc and character arc or I ain’t around for that author anymore.

      7+
  8. Love your dialogue, always.

    I’m kind of curious, how many ways Chloe could end him, if he’d made an unwelcome pass 🙂

    3+
    1. Well, she’s already shot him once, so I’m sure she could branch out. She seems very action-oriented.
      (He called her “cute,” and when she told him not to do that, he pushed his luck.)

      7+
  9. Jenny,
    I was wondering if you could let us see the collage you did at the start?
    I have a vague idea of Chloe and Nita but Max I can’t remember him very well.
    Thanking you in advance.

    4+
    1. Yeah, I took a lot out and I’m adding stuff. That’ll be the lost version because nobody else is ever seeing it.

      2+
  10. “She’s a Button,” Max said. “Imagine the ways she can say ‘no.’”

    Laughed out loud at that line. Any chance of sneaking it in somewhere else?

    But yes, I see why the scene has to go. Sad but true.

    2+
  11. You could sell the outtakes separately. Seriously. I have watched my kids watch movie outtakes over and over

    3+
    1. That’s because it’s actors they know screwing up. “Deleted scenes” are usually the disappointing stuff because they really needed to be deleted. There are exceptions; some of the Doctor Who deleted scenes should have been in there.

      3+
      1. Man, I’m a sucker for dvd extras. Frankly the reason why I haven’t gotten Netflix or similar yet. I don’t get the bits I watch thrice.

        2+
  12. No, but really, what do you need to finish this book? Diet Coke? Can we send you Diet Coke through Amazon or something? I know I’m sounding demanding and impatient and I’m sorry for that, but I am SO EXCITED FOR THIS ONE.

    2+
    1. Trust me, you are not any more excited than my agent and my partner/daughter who would REALLY LIKE TO SELL THIS BOOK NOW.

      I’m shooting for Monday for a beta-ready ms that might go to my agent without a beta read just because I want this the hell out of her.

      5+

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