Demonic Amusement Park Attractions: Names, Anyone?

I loved the names you came up with for the bowling alley, but I couldn’t stop laughing at “Pins and Sins” (thank you, Lynn) so I made it a bowling alley/massage parlor.  The mayor bowls there.   I think whoever said the realtor would probably be something like “Demon Island Realty” was probably right.  You’d want something that didn’t sound like a joke if you were spending thousands of dollars.  So thank you all very much for playing.

And now I have Button and Max going through the closed-for-the-season amusement park and I realized I didn’t have many names for rides and concessions.  I had the names below, but I’m always open to new ideas.  Anybody want to play again?  

Hell Fries
Fish Styx with Tartarus Sauce
Persephone’s Pomegranate Pops (juice bars, thank you, Kim)

Park Shops
Hell’s Handbaskets (souvenir store, thank you, Nicole)
Hell Freezes Over Ice Cream (thank you, Nicole)

Park Entertainment:
Matt Demon, comedian

Highway to Hell (Roller Coaster that goes underground, thank you, Philby)
The Leviathon (huge roller coaster, thank you, thank you,Michael)
Seven Deadlies; Park Rides (thank you,Nicole Massey)
Night Mares (park ride) (thank you,Fi Mac)
Pair O’ Dice Gambling in the Park (thank you,Nicole)
The Hell-icopter (thank you, Katrina Snow)

40 thoughts on “Demonic Amusement Park Attractions: Names, Anyone?

  1. The Night Mares needs to be a carousel. What about the Haunted House being called Dreams and Screams? How about synchronized swimming in the Lake of Despair? A Hell’s Handmaidens nail salon? Instead of the Tunnel of Love it’s The Tunnel of Terror?

    1. I love the synchronized swimming concept! Here is the music I suggest: “Highway to Hell” and “Sympathy for the Devil” (sung by Rolling Stones). What a great idea, Karen!

  2. Steal the Disney “Small, Small World” ride. No changes. Same music.

    A Cherries Jubilee booth with Pits of Despair.

    Disney has an animatronic Hall of Presidents. Do a Hall of Vice Presidents. They can all snipe at their Commanders in Chief.

    Six Flags over Georgia had a roller coaster named “The Great American Scream Machine’ When new, its second tallest hill was higher than any other roller coaster in the country. But at least you kept going to the next hill… for a real scream, don’t. Just keep going down.

    There should be a Test Your Strength machine, designed after that machine in Princess Bride.

      1. My former in-laws lived in Orlando and were big into Disney. I believe that if someone murdered the composer they would get off on justifiable murder!

  3. Hot Pretzhells

    Bloody Burgers

    Dark Spirits – Bottle shop. Do they sell alcohol at amusement parks?

    Demonopoly – Life size board game

  4. According to the internet there is a ride called the Devil’s Wheel. I can’t remember what we used to call it when we were growing up but they call it a Joy Wheel at Luna Park.

  5. Charon’s Ferrys Wheel (takes two coins)

    Cerberus Dog Park

    Hellzapoppin Dance Hall and Gin Joint

  6. Hellapeno Poppers

    Devils on a Stick (like Dogs on a Stick)

    Helldogs/Hellhound Dogs (although doesn’t really roll off the tongue)

    A Hot and Frothy – cocoa or coffee?

    Food trucks or concessions:

    Hellbound with Glory (don’t ask me why)

    The Glut Truck
    (With glazed donut holes, could be Glazed Sins, I’ll take a dozen Glazed Sins please)

    The Seven Deadly Desserts

  7. Something that exists is the Wall of Death – a spinning drum that the floor falls out of and people stick to the side from centrifugal force – generally safe, but hella scary to watch the floor go away….

    also Richard Thompson has a song about it:

    I dunno, so much of amusement parks seems designed to scare, spook or adrenalize you, making up new Hell based names seems oddly redundant.

    1. I sort of like the idea of a mix of say hell-based puns for performers and food, but reverse on rides and attractions, because all that stuff is usually there to make you feel ‘scared’, so if they were more angelic or sweet, surely that would be considered scary fun in hell.

      Of course there are other things you can have a demonic pun-based good time with, as in with all the carny-type games a lot of amusement parks have.

  8. “Hell Freezes Over Ice Cream” also sells Flying Pigs in a Blanket

    Seven Circles Circus Show

    Comedy skit show for the family: A Cold Day in Heck

    A restaurant just called just “Deviled.”

    Wicked Wicks, the souvenir candle shop

    Ride of the Damned
    Last Meal of the Damned

  9. ps: sorry if I missed the mark, I only popped back in this morning, and if I missed where this was a human demonic-themed amusement park then doing some more happy ones (that would scare the various inhabitants of hell), my bad.

  10. I think there should be a tunnel of something, but I can’t think of what. I mean terror is good, but I think there might be a twist there that’s even punnier.

    I don’t know, I’ve been writing a scene where the bad kills four people in this dystopian thing I’m ghostwriting and it’s totally messed up my mind. Inside a homicidal maniac with a penchant for torturing children isn’t a place you want to be for long. Ugh.

    I think I’m going to request no more bad guys that go after children. He doesn’t actually get the kids, but he likes to think about what he might do to them. I need a mind enema.

      1. Ooh, the Tunnel of Temptation works not as a scare ride, but as a romantic date ride! Where the employees actually encourage the customers to neck in the boats.

  11. Based on my day, I was going to suggest the Seven Circles of Technology: voicemail, email, texting, butt-dialing, video conference calls, smart TVs and Excel spreadsheets.

    But that’s not your fictional island, that’s my real life.

  12. The Exorcist cleaners. We remove anything. Sorry not a ride. But a cleaner would be useful after some rides. Or for a pest removal service.

    1. (-: Hell’s Bells should be an animatronic music stage of bell ringers, playing your favorite hard rock hits from the 70s, 80s and 90s. Just imagine Meatloaf played on hand bells!


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