I Hate This Song but I Sing Along to It Anyway Rant


You know those songs you sing along to and hate yourself for because the lyrics are about awful people but the music is catchy?  

That’s how I feel about the Pina Colada song.

“I was tired of my lady, we´d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song”
Okay, that happens.  Now tell me how you rediscovered the magic in your relationship.
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read
You dickhead.  You’re bored, so you’re looking for a way to cheat?  While she’s sleeping beside you?  Really, dickhead.
If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you´re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I´m the love that you´ve looked for, write to me, and escape
I don’t know who this person is, but I hate him or her already.  “Half a brain”?  Let me insult you before we meet.  Also making love in the dunes?  Have you ever tried that?  You get sand everywhere.  There’s not enough KY in the world.  
I didn´t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
Kina of?  KIND OF?  She’s right there beside you, you asshat.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine
And obviously it’s better to cheat than to work at making the relationship new.   
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I´m nobody´s poet, I thought it wasn´t half bad
You were wrong.
Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
I´m not much into health food, I am into champagne
“Hi, I’m not healthy and I drink a lot.  Want to have my baby?”
I´ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we´ll plan our escape
A bar.  Sounds like a good place for both of you.
So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it´s you
Ha.  A happy ending.  They’re both cheaters.  Bleah.
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”
“That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
You´re the love that I´ve looked for, come with me, and escape
You know why you never knew?  Because you idiots don’t talk to each other.  Relationships need work.  Also, you deserve each other.
Songwriter: Rupert Holmes
Escape lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc
I’m still waiting for the follow-up song, “We Caught Each Other Cheating While Drunk From Too Many Sex On The Beach Cocktails and Killed Each Other”.
There’s another one with an insanely catchy tune that’s some jerk singing about how he cheats on his girlfriend and lies to her about and then laughs.   I can’t remember the title, but it arouses the same fury in me.
I hate myself when I sing along, but “The Pina Colada Song” is on the Guardians soundtrack which is the only disc in my car, so I do it all the time.  Also, the drink is quite good.  Grrrr.  
Any of you have songs like that?  




150 thoughts on “I Hate This Song but I Sing Along to It Anyway Rant

  1. Pretty much anything by One Direction. They’re good at doing songs that sound like they’re supposed to be romantic and thoughtful, and then you realise that they’re all about needy, possessive guys stripping the agency from the girls they’re supposed to care about. And they’re earworms, so I keep getting the songs stuck in my head.

    1. YES. Did you see Stephen Colbert’s epic takedown of “That’s What Makes You Beautiful”? The man is brilliant. Not sure if I can link in a comment so I’ll try in the next one down, but googling his name and the song title will pop it up for you.

  2. I have to say that I am a HUGE fan of yours, you are an amazing writer, I have read all of your books dozens of times and they never disappoint! I cannot believe I never knew you had a blog this post was hilarious! I completely agree with you though about how songs irk you but are so catchy you cannot help but to sing along. I hate the meaning of ‘Lips of an Angel,’ by Hinder but love the song.. does that even make sense? It has such a good beat/melody and the vocalist croons the lyrics so perfectly but the guy is basically a dirt bag or “asshat” who contemplates cheating on his present girlfriend with his ex every time she calls. Ugh. Thank you for all of your hilarious words, they always have a way of making me feel better!

  3. I re-named “Don’t” by Ed Sheeran “The Bad Boyfriend Song.”

    I met this girl late last year
    She said “don’t you worry if I disappear”
    I told her I’m not really looking for another mistake

    … In other words, she expressed interest and the bad boyfriend said “I’m not really into you, sorry.”

    I called an old friend thinking that the trouble would wait
    But then I jumped right in a week later, returned
    I reckon she was only looking for a lover to burn
    But I gave her my time for two or three nights
    Then I put it on pause until the moment was right

    … so the bad boyfriend fools around with her but makes it clear that it’s just a fling, a couple-nights stand if you will… In fact, he puts her on pause. Seriously. On pause.

    I went away for months until our paths crossed again

    … bad boyfriend disappears, doesn’t see her again, didn’t try to keep in touch

    She told me “I was never looking for a friend
    Maybe you could swing by my room around ten
    Baby, bring the lemon and a bottle of gin
    We’ll be in between the sheets till the late AM”
    Baby, if you wanted me then should have just said, she’s singing

    … she makes a direct pass, says she doesn’t want to be just friends, and the bad boyfriend takes her up on it

    We drink away the days with a takeaway pizza
    Before a text message was the only way to reach her
    Now she’s staying at my place and loves the way I treat her

    … so they’re not dating, they’re hanging out at his place, drinking a lot and eating pizza. No nice dinners, no walks on the beach, just drinking and pizza. Oh, how romantic. And he think she loves the way he treats her, but how exactly is that? Maybe he buys the pizza?

    I’d rather put on a film with you and sit on a couch

    …in other words, they’re Netflix and chill friends. Literally. Sit on the couch and watch a movie. But they’ve got jobs, so away they go.

    She was crying on my shoulder, I already told ya
    Trust and respect is what we do this for

    … Trust and respect is what we do what for? Eat pizza?

    I never intended to be next
    But you didn’t need to take him to bed, that’s all
    And I never saw him as a threat
    Until you disappeared with him to have sex, of course
    It’s not like we were both on tour
    We were staying on the same fucking hotel floor
    And I wasn’t looking for a promise or commitment

    … Oh, so this was a no promises, no commitments relationship. One that included a lot of drinking and hanging out on the couch. Oh, but wait — that’s what it was until she fools around with someone else. Then, and only then, does it become clear that the guy who puts her on pause, doesn’t take her places, feeds her takeaway pizza, well, then it turns out that she’s fucking with his heart.

    What an asshole.

    But it’s a damn catchy song. Even copying the lyrics has the tune playing in my head again. Bah.

    1. Oh, I read this totally differently. I thought she was the one being a “bad” girlfriend. (I don’t actually think she was being all that bad, since she was up front about. Just naive that it wouldn’t become drama)

      I my reading, she’s saying, “I’m not really over my ex, but I’m horny – want to be friends with benefits? Just don’t expect me to stick around – I’ll probably disappear” and he thought he could handle it and then realized he enjoyed just spending time with her and when she ultimately went back to her ex he realized couldn’t handle it.

      1. Hmm, I like that much better. Either way, though, a guy who’s not looking for a promise or a commitment really shouldn’t be blaming the girl who doesn’t give one, IMO. Poor communication skills!

  4. “Everybody wanna steal my girl
    Everybody wanna take her heart away
    Couple billion in the whole wide world
    Find another one ’cause she belongs to me”

    Excuse me, what???

    Her selling points are – her mum calls him “love”, her dad calls him “son”, she has “kisses like cream”, “walks mean” and looks good in a pair of jeans. So… nothing about what she thinks or says or actually does. Just she’s hot and her parents like him.

    And apparently “[He] don’t exist if [he] don’t have her”.

    Seriously, if she’s into him then it doesn’t matter how many guys are hitting on her. If she’s not into him then it’s none of his business how many guys are hitting on her.

    I think other guys trying to steal his girl is the least of his problems here.

    But the tune is sadly catchy.

  5. This is my rant, almost word for word, not even kidding. And I also hear it more than I want to cause Guardians soundtrack.

    Also, can we talk about how Guardians 2 was not a great story?

      1. I fell asleep in the theatre during guardians 2. Do love the guardians one music. We all “car seat dance” now. Great rant.

        1. Glad to know I’m not the only one who fell asleep! If I hadn’t been there with my kids, who were enjoying it, I would have left.

    1. I saw it in the theater and was blindsided by emotion at the ending (don’t want to put spoilers in, but I bet you can figure out which scene I mean) because it resonated with something I was going through. I would be interested to hear more about how the story failed for you!

      1. I saw it at home. I think I know which scene you’re talking about and I found it overdone. Like, I felt like I was being clubbed over the head with the theme of it all. Every other sentence I can think of would be spoilers so I’m not sure what more to write ??‍♀️?

        1. I can see that! No part of the film was subtle, hahaha. I spent the whole scene with them placing little objects, and then the one after that, trying to cry quietly enough that my husband wouldn’t notice from the chair next to mine (and i failed). I lost my Mary Poppins recently and wasn’t expecting that particular beautiful disintegration.

          I’d be interested in watching it again to see if I have the same reaction, or if being prepared for that plot point let’s me focus on, like… The rest of the movie, haha.

      1. I think if I had known what the story was, I would have hesitated going. Like, if it was that story in a non-Marvel setting I would not have been so interested.

    2. Lately I feel like Kurt Russell is the harbinger of death for movie series. And I LIKE Kurt Russell. But he seems to show up when the writers decide to jump the shark.

      1. I think he’s a working actor, like Michael Caine. Give him a job, he’s there. Seems to happen with blue-collar roots actors, which I respect. I respect anybody who works. (Caine famously said that he hadn’t seen the awful Jaws sequel he was in, but that he had seen the house that it built and that was beautiful.)

        But in defense of him taking Guardians 2 (which I have not yet seen), that was a great role for him in a high profile film, so yeah, makes sense he’d take that one.

        I’ve heard such great things about Guardians 2; now I’m not as optimistic.

        1. Watch it! Let’s have a blog post discussion.

          Maybe I’m just overly grumpy. Or had too high of expectations as I really did enjoy the first one.

          It really might be expectations thing cause I went into it not knowing what the story was (last one: save the galaxy!), and this was not the story I was expecting at all.

          1. Yes! I’d love to see a blog post on the new Guardians – and see how everyone else felt. I think my issue was that the plot was too weird for me.

            Yeah… that plot. The one set in a mythical universe full of aliens. The one tied to the Avengers movies. I do realize how I sound.

          2. I will. I’ve got company coming on Tuesday and a book that’s about five years overdue, so I’m kind of on the clock here, but it’s definitely on my watch list.
            Maybe when Krissie gets here, we’ll watch it together.

          3. Yes, when you get time, please watch it! I really liked it a lot — I don’t think it’s spoilers to say it’s driven by Daddy Issues. I don’t remember much about GG1 except that I really liked it. I feel that this one is even funnier. I loved Rocket, and Baby Groot is just adorable. Usually I hate being made to feel Teh Cute, but the animators did such a fantastic job (or maybe I was in a mood for cute babies) that I didn’t care about having my heart-strings tugged.

            I watched Wonder Woman in the theaters a few weeks ago, and I wasn’t blown away. It was fine, but I just didn’t feel the heart. With GG2, I love most of the team. They really care about each other. Maybe by GG3, they’ll have the women’s hearts caught up with the men’s.

        2. I enjoyed it. It is difficult for a sequel to better the original and I think they kept most of the things we all got a kick from in the first movie. I loved the music.
          Baby Groot is a delight.

        3. Feel like I need to be more specific about my issues with it…It felt like Quill wasn’t really doing anything for most of the movie. Also they split the team up for a big chunk. I don’t want to give a lot of spoilers, though. Anyway, you get to see Baby Groot, and that’s definitely worth seeing.

    3. Yeah, I was really disappointed by it. I felt like the chemistry between the main characters was just gone – it’s like they had personality transplants between movies. And the body count was way too high for me.

      The only saving graces for me were baby Groot and Nebula (I love her so much, I could watch her slouch and saunter all day long).

  6. Bland and lackluster lyrics normally bug me more than the song’s narrator being a jerk. I think if pop songs were longer than three minutes the jerk thing would bug me more. That said, I’m normally not listening to the radio anymore, so it’s already filtered down to the jerk songs I like enough to add to a playlist on spotify.

    I definitely spent a sizeable chunk of senior year being mad that the lyric “you cheated girl, my heart bleeded girl,” existed.

  7. I think the thing that saves that song (?) is that they soooo deserve each other, and it works. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to forgive it.

  8. Billy Joel’s “I love you just the way you are”. He says she’s basically dumb as a post and not that good looking but shouldn’t try anything new. Could he be more condescending?

    1. “I don’t want clever conversation”. Ha! Of course this is the song he wrote about his wife…before he had an affair and they got divorced. I wonder if Elle McPherson was especially good at clever conversation?

      In a similar category, theres a song called (you say it best) “when you say nothing at all”. I always think of it as a man berating his wife “you say it best when you keep your big trap shut!”

      1. Not Elle. The blonde. Christy . . . ? He wrote Uptown Girl for her and there was an awful video with her in it.

        1. Oh yes. I’m kinda proud of myself for forgetting the details 🙂

          Good lord, will you look at this! According to wikipedia the man is catnip to supermodels.
          “Joel mentioned in a television interview on the UK’s Five that he had dated Elle Macpherson in the 1980s, prior to his marriage to Christie Brinkley.”
          He is on wife #4 now.

      2. Isn’t it funny how music is different for different people? “When You Say Nothing At All” was my wedding song ?

        Granted it was the Alison Krauss version so it didn’t couldn’t really have all the same implications. We’re also both very non-verbal communicators so it works for us.

        1. I was going to post the same thing, was wondering if there was another version? I love the Alison Krauss song. I see it as a reminder of love in all the little things, grand gestures aren’t necessary.

          My rant is about the “Blurred Lines” song. Hate the lyrics, but the damn music gets stuck in my head.

          1. If you hate the lyrics, the video will make you homicidal. Fortunately, Weird Al’s lyrics (Word Crimes) will let you have the catchy melody and great lyrics,

          2. Blurred lines was going to be my nomination. I hate it. A friend refers to it as the “date rape song”.
            I didn’t know Weird Al had a version, I need to find that soon.

          3. I don’t know what to do with that “Blurred Lines” video. A woman directed it, and it’s supposed to be empowering, but . . . I think something got lost. And the song is so damn catchy! So, I’m with Jeanne in recommending “Word Crimes” by Al. I’m not totally onboard with “Word Crimes”‘s message, either, but it’s better. And it’s got the groove!

    2. Yes, but in fairness to Billy Joel, he also wrote – You May be Right.

      Which doesn’t make him sound that good.

  9. Not a song, so sort of off-topic, but still about looking at words and what they actually say.

    My late first husband used to get all wired up whenever he saw a “for sale by owner” sign in front of a house. “WTF? Who else would be selling it??” he would say, “Ever seen a sign in someone’s front yard with ‘for sale by stranger’…?”

    (He was German. Theirs say “for sale, without realtor”…or “without commission”, which is generally paid by the buyer here, not the seller.)

  10. There are so many “creepy stalker songs disguised as romantic”, but one I feel actively betrayed by is “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers. It wasn’t as bad when I thought it was just some sad guy obsessing over his ex and torturing himself imagining her with someone new, but then a friend told me it was actually about voyeurism, and even if that’s not true I can’t unthink it. 🙁 But I love the rest of that album so it’ll pop up and get stuck in my head.

    Oh, and a lot of those Christian pop songs of the “Jesus is my boyfriend” variety– the ones where you can interchange “Jesus/Lord” with “baby/darling”and barely notice the difference– often make me uncomfortable. One in particular is SUPER catchy and I love to belt it out in the car, but it has lyrics like: “you have my heart, my soul, you can have it all/ I’m on my knees/ begging you please Lord, don’t leave me alone.” Which, you know, it’s commendable to devote your all to God, but when it sounds more like she’s begging a human boyfriend not to leave her, I just want to shake her and say “No, honey, don’t throw yourself away on this schmuck who doesn’t appreciate you!” (Plus, the theological question of whether God would actually make you beg or if he’s really there all along, but mostly the boyfriend thing for me.)

    1. There are a lot of David Bowie lovesongs that sound really, really creepy if you think the lover is human. But if you think the “lover” is some sort of neglectful god, then things get a lot more poignant. “I Would Be Your Slave,” for example. When I first started listening to David Bowie seriously, I had the mistaken impression that he was an atheist.

  11. On my way to work in the morning I would listen to a 60’s, 70’s and 80’s station because I liked the DJ’s they were so funny. In the afternoon drive home I would listen to country. What I couldn’t wrap my head around was when Garth Brooks was on hiatus to be home for his daughters every time a DJ would say the next song would be one of his it was always Friends in Low Places. Good song but he has a million others. Not much of a rant but I don’t want to actively think about an irksome tune rolling around my head. It may stay for a day or five.

    1. Friends in Low Places is fun, but it probably does get overplayed, especially since Brooks had so many good ones. One of the reasons I like his channel on satellite radio is they play a lot of his music that FM stations don’t really revisit. Some of it I hadn’t heard before. There’s this song about a woman who just got separated/divorced called “She’s Gonna Make It” where she’s doing really well after her husband leaves her, and he’s basically falling apart that I really liked. Never heard it on FM. Of course, that might not have been released as a single originally.

    1. “Darling I love you but give me Park Avenue!” 😀

      We used to sing this in the stands at football games in high school. *feels nostalgic*

  12. Pharrell and Thicke’s Blurred Lines because it’s familiar (Hello Marvin Gaye!) and catchy. But I absolutely HATE the shady consent lyrics. Skeeves me out.

    I don’t hate it, but about Shakira’s big hit which was Whenever Wherever in English and Suerte in Spanish. The English lyrics make it hard to sing along – “lucky that my breasts are small and humble.” I hope that whatever was being translated was better in Spanish and that these words were chosen for rhyme only!

    I adore just about anything by Def Leopard tho.

  13. I like all music but in my 30’s I suddenly discovered that I love opera. I don’t have creds with musicians or the real aficionados because I know nothing about it. And I totally am dissed because I don’t like Mozart. Some beautiful music true but I can’t get passed that he was a sexist pig. I can’t stand The Magic Flute or Cosi fan Tuti. I will not go see either anymore.

    The Queen of the Night gets a bum deal, I thought the Masonic Rites stuff was ridiculous and Pamina was only there as a place filler.

    And Cosi fan Tuti is particularly obnoxious. Two sisters and their lovers are devoted. A so-called friend convinces these boys the girls need to be tested. So the lovers disguise themselves and each wooes the other’s fiance. The so-called friend and the girls maid are both constantly haranguing the girls that they should be unfaithful because everyone is. The boys are all wrapped up in treating each other honorably but this does not extend to how they treats the women they supposedly love. Apparently it is okay to lie and deceive women. This is suppose to be a comedy. I usually am so angry by the end of it, I can hardly stand it.

    1. I love Mozart – I enjoy the music, and see the stories as of their time: the women only exist in relation to the (fully human) male characters. Plus I assume he didn’t write the words, just music for them.

    2. I also love Mozart’s music, even the operas (all of whose libretti have some cringe-worthy moments and although Mozart didn’t write those words, his music is what gives those words power). Believe it or not, there’s actually an argument that Cosi fan tutte is a feminist opera (well — as feminist as an 18th-century work can be) since it is an opera that acknowledges that women like men have (sexual) desires and needs (this is one of things that made it a scandalous work and as result performed less frequently through most of the 19th and early 20th centuries). Here’s an article that raises some other points about how to think about Cosi fan tutte (https://www.schmopera.com/cosi-fan-tutte-misogynist-unreasonable/).

      I’m not sure that I completely buy this argument, but it’s an interesting one and has made rethink my own feelings about Cosi fan tutte.

  14. Andy Grammer’s “Oh No Honey I’m good”

    If you have an SO at home, why are you in a bar, being flirty enough (and drinking/buying enough) that people want to take you home?

    1. So that when he cheats (and that guy has cheater stamped on his forehead), he can blame the waitress.

  15. My pet song peeve: Whitney Houston’s big hit about Saving All My Love for You, about waiting for her married lover to give her a call. Grrrr.

    1. I’ve recently started looking at song writers. Because I want to know which mind had *that* in it. Whatever *that* is.

    2. Oh my gosh. I hate that song, too.

      I can’t figure out if this post is cathartic or stressful because:

      A.) I can’t believe that there are so many of us that think alike


      B.) I really hate these songs.

  16. I’ve been listening to the CD of Paul Simon’s musical The Capeman (partly because the tunes are catchy and partly for the one about “I was born in Puerto Rico, where my blood is not equal,” which seems so timely at the moment). For some reason, it seems to have the right tempo to keep me going when I’m doing machine quilting. But there’s one song that uses racist language repeatedly, one character calling another group racist names in the context of the musical which is about racism after all, and it’s got such a catchy tune that I find myself singing along at the top of my lungs with words I would never use in real life, and then I feel guilty about it. But it’s just so addictive that I do it again the next time it comes around on the CD. I should probably come up with my own alternate lyrics, like I do for the Lyle Lovett song that I play when I’m made at the world — it’s “I love everybody, especially you,” and I change it to “I loathe everybody, especially you.”

    1. I swap lyrics a lot when I’m singing along (I really enjoy rap and I’m white). I support this plan 100%!

      I have also been known to sing “Everything is Awesome” from the Lego Movie as “Everything is Awful! Everything’s the worst and it totally sucks!” on bad days…

  17. Lana del Rey’s Video Games, which I think is a swoony song, but which, when you deconstruct it, seems to be about a pretty skanky relationship – ‘it’s you, it’s you, I do it all for you’, she sings, and what she does is choose her wardrobe to please him and try to be a bad girl.

    Also, Gotye’s Somebody that I used to know, where the guy is a total creep and deserves it when she deletes his number, but he whines when she does this. Totally catchy tune.

    1. Yes to Somebody That I Used to Know. Got to the point that I just yelled at him whenever the song came on so I can’t listen to it anymore

    2. I love “Somebody That Used To Know,” but I don’t have a problem with it because the song says the guy is creep. It’s like the Police and “I’ll Be Watching You” which is about a stalker, not a lover, and the writer knew it and made it clear. (And still people play it at their weddings, go figure.)


      2. “I’ll Be Watching You”! I was trying to think of that one earlier, it used to play at my old job when I worked nights and I called it the Creepy Stalker Song. You mean it literally is about a stalker? I feel so vindicated.

        1. People used to tell Sting they had it played at their weddings, and he’d say, “Oh. Well, good luck with that.” It’s literally about a stalker who, of course, thinks he’s a lover.

  18. There is one song that I hate so much (and Do Not sing along to) that I can’t remember the name of because if it so much as shows up on the Muzak in an elevator Tall Boy shuts it off or distracts me because he’s very, very sick of hearing me rant about it. Very sick. I would ask him about it but then I would remember it and rant and I just can’t do that to the poor man.

  19. “Rude” by Magic! I actually don’t like this song, but it used to be played often, cause I guess others liked it. The lyrics drive me nuts too. SO WHINY.

  20. Jessey’s Girl. I absolutely hate that song. She’s in a committed relationship with your friend. Step back, take a break, and get it together dude.

  21. How about “If you can’t be with the one you love (honey), love the one you’re with?” I hate everything about the lyrics, and really resent that it’s fun to harmonize to.

    1. I always have mixed feelings about this one (though admittedly I don’t know/remember ALL of the lyrics). I mean, you could read this line as “I can’t have the one I want so let’s just have flings with whoever passes by,” or as “appreciate who/what you have instead of always wishing for what you can’t have.” But that might be a stretch of wishful thinking on my part…

  22. I absolutely love you all. What I hate most of all is to be singing along (I sing a lot. just ask my workmates) and realize the meaning of the words that are coming out of my mouth are awful. It’s bad because about 90% of the time I’m not even aware I’m singing, or what I’m singing if it even registers that I am. There must be something wrong with my subconscious.

    And this post makes me sound drunk. I’m blaming it on Lipitor. Got to get off that stuff.

  23. I am so laughing at this. We’ve know Rupert for years (DH worked with him on a box set for a record label a decade ago), and he is a doll. He’s also afraid that his tombstone will be a giant pineapple. 🙂 He’s won two Tonys and two Edgars, so he really is no slouch. No wonder he’s afraid of that pineapple!

    1. I read one of his mysteries a few years back. I was really impressed. And most people don’t realize that the song was a joke–it was never supposed to be released as a single.

        1. I stopped listening to most current music in 1992, so while i have heard OF that song, i know nothing about it.

  24. Oh my gosh! Word for word my feelings EVERY TIME I hear this song!

    Me: This is a bad song.
    (Hums along).

    Me: Why am I listening to this?
    (Dances around the kitchen).

    Me: But he’s a cheater!!!
    (Gives up and croons, “Come with meeeee and escape.”)

    Double argh!

    I also dislike that song where the guy likes the girl, she’s his soulmate, blah blah, and then we find out she was just walking past him in an airport and he didn’t even have the guts to say hello. And he doesn’t know her. Geez!

  25. This song always makes us argue and chuckle when we hear it in the car! The hubs always says the guy is an idiot. I always say that the GF placed the original ad and is just as bad. But yeah, I love the music, too. I just try to ignore the words. Thanks for the laugh today!

  26. Rupert Holmes also wrote two of my favorite things ever: The Mystery of Edwin Drood and Remember WENN. I still miss Remember WENN and watch the Christmas espisode every year. I live in fear of the tape dying.

      1. Holmes did the musical adaptation. I don’t know if it’s changed but when I saw the show, the audience got to vote on the murderer since Dickens didn’t finish the book.

        Double checked and the musical is called “Drood”

  27. Huh. It wasn’t until this post that I realized I’ve never actually heard the Pina Colada Song all the way through. Apparently I’ve only heard the most famous part of it in various movies and TV shows. Those people are awful.

    Nothing super catchy with awful lyrics springs to mind immediately; I usually change the station if I hate the lyrics. There is this Joe Nichols song called “Yeah” which I think of as the “I’ll say anything to get laid” song. He basically doesn’t actually like any of things this girl is asking him to try or share any of her interests, but he pretends he does because she’s hot. I think there are people who actually think of this as a meet-cute song. No idea why. It’s not that bad to listen to if the other radio station choices are worse (like say, Toby Keith), but if given the choice, I avoid it.

    1. Do not get me started on Toby Keith. Ever since I heard “How Do You Like Me Now?” I’ve loathed him. Then came the Dixie Chicks.

      1. I’m a country music fan, and I cannot stand Toby Keith OR How Do You Like Me Now?…. OF COURSE, she was going to ignore him… she was a Cheerleader and he was a punk. Team Dixie Chicks all the way. (Although, I have to admit, I do have Toby’s Christmas CD and I like a few of the songs on it).

        1. Then he gloats twenty years later when she gets divorced. YOU NEVER EVEN DATED HER, YOU JERK. Not to mention putting her number on the football field.

    2. I feel like there have been a LOT of cringe-y country songs in the past few years. One from a few years ago particularly bothered me – the guy was singing about how he was stalking the girl that dumped him, would show up at her house in his pickup truck and shine the headlights through her windows…

      I kept thinking: this needs to end with a restraining order. But it was terribly popular for a while. I wish I could think of the name.

      1. Found it!: Redneck Crazy – Tyler Farr. So gross. Here are the lyrics:

        Gonna drive like hell through your neighbourhood
        Park this Silverado on your front lawn
        Crank up a little Hank, sit on the hood and drink
        I’m about to get my pissed off on

        I’m gonna aim my headlights into your bedroom windows
        Throw empty beer cans at both of your shadows
        I didn’t come here to start a fight, but I’m up for anything tonight
        You know you broke the wrong heart baby, and drove me redneck crazy

        Wish I knew how long it’s been going on
        How long you’ve been getting some on the side
        Nah, he can’t amount to much by the look of that little truck
        Well he wont be getting any sleep tonight

        I’m gonna aim my headlights into your bedroom windows
        Throw empty beer cans at both of your shadows
        I didn’t come here to start a fight, but I’m up for anything tonight
        You know you broke the wrong heart baby, and drove me redneck crazy
        Redneck crazy

        Did you think I’d wish you both the best, endless love and happiness
        You know that’s just not the kind of man I am
        I’m the kind that shows up at your house at 3am

        I’m gonna aim my headlights into your bedroom windows
        Throw empty beer cans at both of your shadows
        I didn’t come here to start a fight, but I’m up for anything tonight
        You gone and broke the wrong heart baby, and drove me redneck crazy
        You drove me redneck crazy,

        **God, you psycho! She has every right to leave you for another man. Put on your big boy pants and deal with it.

        1. I need the song by a female country artist that says “You shone your headlights into my bedroom so I shot them out. Then I chased you down the street, peppering your ass with buckshot.”

          1. Oddy, even though I think “domestic violence criminal damage” now when Before He Cheats comes on, I still really enjoy listening to it. Maybe because I know her boyfriend is an ass and I don’t think he’s in physical danger from her?

          2. There are also some country songs about women killing abusive men: Dixie Chicks’ Goodbye Earl, Miranda Lambert’s Gunpowder and Lead, two Carrie Underwood songs – Church Bells and Blown Away. Also I’m pretty sure McBride’s Independence Day ends with a woman setting fire to her abusive husband. Then there’s Carrie Underwood’s Two Black Cadillacs, where the man’s wife and his mistress conspire together to murder him (that one is very Lifetime movie).

          3. I love “Goodbye, Earl” because they make it very clear that they’ve done everything they could to stop Earl, and that he’s going to kill her one of these days since “He walked right through that restraining order and put her in intensive care.” One of my fave lines of all time is in that song “Turns out he was a missing person that nobody missed at all.”

      2. YES! I just now saw your comment. I HATE that song, and I change the station every time it gets played. I don’t think I’ve ever even made it past the chorus, because whenever it starts I just picture the list of charges that should be on this guy’s booking sheet and I want to scream at her to get a restraining order. He’s such a psycho; it is beyond how anyone can enjoy this song.

  28. I never paid attention to the lyrics of this song before. I only knew the Pina Coladas & getting caught in the rain parts. The rest was just sort of hummed.

    There’s a song on a work out video that I hate. The person leading the exercises sings along. The lyrics are “I got your boyfriend. I got your man.” Or something like that. I mean, why should I be happy or encouraging cheating? Clearly the man is nothing more than a useless object that 2 women, I presume, are fighting over. Well, lady, if he left me for you, you can have the rat.

  29. Under My Thumb – Rolling Stones – I love to sing along with songs, but this one I just hum. Dang it is a catchy song, but the lyrics are terrible.

  30. Reason number 14 why the Pina Colada song is dumber than dirt is that this personal ad isn’t about what either of them ACTUALLY is or does, but just some made-up stuff they think they might do, someday, maybe. Or not.

    Dude, when you write or respond to a personal ad, you have to talk about what you ACTUALLY do. As I did. In 1989. Yes, we’re still together, thanks. And still doing those things.

  31. How about John Barlycorn by Traffic? Ever really hear those lyrics? Favorite song (quite catchy too) when all I had to listen to was radio. Quite different thing when audio quality got better.

  32. On a slightly different note, the song I can’t get out of my head at the moment is “Taekwondo” by Walk Off the Earth. I love it, and it’s cute, and I’m good with the ‘Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it’ lyrics because it’s semi-parody. And I can’t imagine Sarah Blackwood needing any guy to take care of everything for her.


  33. The song Don’t Cha by the Pussycat Dolls. “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” Barf. Yet the music has a great, energetic beat.

  34. I recently spent too long thinking about The Piña Colada Song. The line that really gets me is, ‘and she said, oh it’s you’. He’s the one telling the story, so he plays it like it’s a happy ending. But I can’t help but think in his rush to continue ignoring her and what she says (which the song suggests he’s been doing for years) and go back to making it all about him, he’s missed what she’s saying. ‘Oh, it’s you’, to me, is an expression of disappointment.

    Such a dumb song. And so annoying catchy.

    1. …..okay, now I want a version of this song from her POV, where she’s dreaming of getting out of this lackluster relationship, and just when she thinks she’s found her escape, it’s just the same old guy…. I kind of suspect that it would wind up a horror story that ends in his murder….

      1. “You may like pina coladas,
        But if you had half a brain
        You’d’ve long ago noticed
        That you drive me insane.
        So if I kill you in bed tonight
        You’ve only yourself to blame…”

  35. The song that bugs me, but which is actually quite beautiful to listen to, is Willie Nelson’s “you were always on my mind.” Melody is lovely but the lyrics say basically that he has always ignored and neglected and cheated on her, but she shouldn’t mind because he was really thinking about her. To which I always hope she tells him to fuck off.

    1. You’re not the only one bugged by this song. You should watch Practical Magic, with Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman.

    2. Yes! That song was on regular rotation at the store I worked at in my 20s so I had a lot of time to analyze all of the ways it annoyed me.

      There were quite a few “I know I was a shitty boyfriend but I miiissss you so take me back” songs in rotation on that easy listening station. Ugh.

      1. I figure it’s the music world’s answer to the movies’ schlubby, obnoxious guy gets the hot girl. You get an industry run by men, you’re gonna get some annoying ideas about relationships.

  36. Ugh, that Back Street Boys song “as long as you love me” it was EVERYWHERE like 20 years ago when I was in my radio listening days and it drove me insane.

    Lyrics: “I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, as long as you love me.”

    !??! REALLY??!!?!

    How is that supposed to be romantic and not just incredibly poor self-esteem.
    The neediest, most pathetic lyrics ever.

  37. It’s an oldie that offends me but it sticks in my head like crazy glue: “If You Wanna Be Happy” by Jimmy Soul.

    If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
    Never make a pretty woman your wife
    So from my personal point of view
    Get an ugly girl to marry you

    A pretty woman makes her husband look small
    And very often causes his downfall
    As soon as he marries her then she starts
    To do the things that will break his heart

    But if you make an ugly woman your wife
    You’ll be happy for the rest of your life
    An ugly woman cooks meals on time
    And she’ll always give you peace of mind

    Don’t let your friends say you have no taste
    Go ahead and marry anyway
    Though her face is ugly, her eyes don’t match
    Take it from me, she’s a better catch

    Ugh – marry someone ugly who cooks and you won’t worry about her cheating? Sounds like marriage advice from a hungry, fat, asshat to me.

  38. What’ll you do about me by Doug Supernaw,

    I love it as music, but when you break down the lyrics, eek

    1. Love that song, too. In spite of myself. Especially the Randy Travis version.

      Although, even the Beatles had a song that makes you double-take:

      Run For Your Life:

      “Well, I’d rather see you dead, little girl
      Than to see you with another man”

  39. Funny, the One Directions songs don’t bother me, but the Monkees song “I wanna be free” used to turn me into a homicidal maniac in my younger years. Also hate the Pina Colada song. DH tried to talk me into agreeing that “just the way you are” was the dude being accepting, I said patronizing and lazy. Even if he was right (which he is not) I don’t want ‘accepting’ , I want besotted devotion, thank you very much. Good thing DH is better than his taste in music!

  40. Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

    The only time I liked it was watching a high school modern class dance do a spoof of it.

    It’s on my mind because I just started Good Omens and the devil doesn’t like Freddy Mercury screaming at him. Guess that’s a good omen.

  41. I first heard Vonda Shepherd singing ‘For your love’ (originally sung by Ed Townsend) on Ally McBeal and LOVED it. Very swoony. Then I realised how pathetic, doormatty and ruthless the lyrics were.

  42. Carrie Underwood’s Before He Cheats. It is catchy as hell, and I hate the guy cheating, but get real. If a guy were singing about destroying her car, carving his name into her seats, and swinging a Louisville slugger in angry response to his woman ‘stepping out’ on him, I would be looking for the number of a good therapist and the local police station. The fact that she’s cute, blonde, and white doesn’t make it okay.

    Eminem and Rihanna’s Love the Way You Lie. Sick and twisted abusive relationship. And with Rihanna’s real life issues there, it makes it even worse.

    Doris Day and Bing Crosby both sang a song called Shanghai, when she sings it it’s doormatty and showing that playing hard to get just backfires on silly little females. In male lyric voice, though, even Bing’s silver sound can’t make it not sound creepy and weird. I told you I was going to Shanghai to make you feel bad, but I want to have sex so I am around the corner in a phone booth calling and expecting you to just forgive, forget, and let me spend the night, regardless.

    The other date rape song: Fire, by Bruce Springsteen. Initially meant to be recorded by Elvis Presley (and I would hate him singing it even more) it hits all the high notes of ‘you can’t tell me no’ that leads to the worst date rape culture. When it was recorded by the Pointer Sisters in ’78, the female lyric voice changed the power dynamic in the scene, but still reinforced the whole ‘women don’t know what they want/they are just playing hard to get’ myth. Makes me nuts.

  43. Todd Rungren–We Gotta Get You a Woman?

    “They may be stupid, but they sure are fun.” !

    Who knew there were so many of these?

    1. In that one’s defense, I think it’s supposed to be stupid. I mean it’s followed by “And when we get through/we gotta get me one, too.” I think it’s supposed to be two clueless losers. Or not.

      I wonder if the time test applies here. I was listening to Rundgren sing that fifty years ago (no kidding, I did the math), and let’s face it, the seventies were not a great time for women, women’s lib nothwithstanding. OTOH, I hit the racism and the sexism in books I love now, and it changes how I feel about them. So yeah, forget the time test.

      The one that gets a lot of criticism that I still like (time test helps) is “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” I do not think he roofied her drink, I think she’s caught between social mores and wanting to stay. All of her arguments go back to “What will people think?” but she doesn’t leave and she can.

      In other news, I’ve lost a chunk of Act Two. I know I wrote it, it’s the scene in the apartment after the dinner scene in the bar. I KNOW I WROTE THAT. Hell, I revised it. Where it got to, however . . .

      1. I love the Ella Fitzgerald/Louis Armstrong version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” It’s fun and funny, it makes me grin every time I hear it, and I agree with your summation.


        Did you know that there are about fifty MILLION other versions of that song? And most of them are truly horrible–and the delivery in many of those newer versions TOTALLY makes it sound like a date rape song. Also, I’ve worked retail at Christmas for decades, and, every Christmas, the muzak eventually mutates to the point where you hear Every. Single. Version. Of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” (except the Ella & Louis version) run together as if they were “different” songs until you want to murder someone and never, ever hear it again.

        But that could just be a personal problem.

        1. That “Let’s play every version of the same Christmas song” makes me crazy. That’s why I made fun of it “Hot Toy.”

      2. Have you tried a Spotlight search for a scrap of text that’s unique to it? (Although Spotlight seems to have gone downhill since I upgraded from Mavericks to Sierra.)

        1. Yes. I can write it again, but I’d already revised it twelve times. Argh.

          OMG, I just tried it with a different word, and there it was. You’re a genius, Jane.

          1. So glad it worked! (I’m going to see whether I can stop Spotlight searching the internet, and make it go back to searching my hard drive thoroughly.)

      3. I think “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is all about “Talk me into staying.”

        But then I remember the stated and unstated message that nice girls never want sex. So she could not just stay.

        The movie version is very funny because it’s sung twice – once with Ricardo Montalban & Esther Williams, and once with Red Skelton & Betty Garrett.

        The second time she’s talking him into staying and he’s trying to defend his virtue.

    2. I always thought the ‘stupid’ he was talking about was the goofy, doofus, stupid stuff that you talk about with your new love… The stuff no one else will ever care about… First pet, first kiss, stupidest arguement…. Maybe that’s why I can like the song… And I love LOVE LOVE the hook at the end… “And when we’re through with you, we’ll get me one too”. Even though the DJ’s cut that off about half the time. It totally makes the song.

      1. My favorite line, too. It changes the singer from a player to a guy who’s just as desperate as his friend.

  44. Past the Point of Rescue by Hal Ketchum. I feel conflicted about it. I find it to be a gorgeous ballad, but I try not to sing or listen to it when my kids are around, because I don’t want them to think I sympathize with a guy who pushed and shoved his partner. But I think the note of contrition and confusion it hits is really interesting, and since the woman in question has shut him out (“is no word from you at all the best that you can do?”), I feel pretty cheered by the song overall. Like, it’s nice that he feels sad and sorry about things, but it’s fantastic that the woman moved on and is smart and strong enough to walk, away and not look back.

    1. When I listen to Martina McBride’s “She ain’t seen nothing yet” It always breaks my heart

      I always follow it with “Phones are ringing all over town”

      She’s finally strong enough to leave him and he’s freaking out, because he lost her

  45. For eons I loved a folk song that’s called, “A River is Wide.” The tune is lovely and it starts off with lovers rowing a boat together.

    A couple years back a kid in the school chorus told me she hated the song, and I finally listened to the words. Turns out, the lyrics describe the ephemeral nature of love. The boat won’t make it. The oak tree won’t hold. Love is great when it’s new but grows old and fades like the morning dew.

    I still keep a Steve Goodman version of it because I figure both he and I know the truth.

    1. I love that song I used in Welcome to Temptation, but the heroine does end up getting eaten by a bear. Still, it’s beautiful: “Have you seen her in the moonlight, silver rings upon her hands? Now she wears a crown of sorrow, and her name is Julianne.” I mean her lover cheated on her, and then a bear broke into her cabin and killed her dog and ate her. What the hell?


      It’s beautiful to sing the chorus though. I hope she haunted his cheating ass.

      Conclusion: It is best not to look too closely at the lyrics to folk songs.

      1. When I listen to Doc Watson singing Ommie Wise, when he gets to “he kissed her and hugged her and turned her around and pushed her in deep water where he knew that she would drown”, I always say “Isn’t that just like a man”. Folk music is great.

  46. In the same time-frame (ish), is “Key Largo”. LOVED that song it was totally a 17 year old’s idea of romance…. until I found out he wrote it for his children’s teenage babysitter. ICK! That just totally ruined it for me.

  47. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fPBJRwp7eEQ

    Moby sampled this in a track that is on the opening of Gone in Sixty Seconds (Bruckheimer’s one) and I love it it’s rhythm.

    Anti-slavery bit didn’t make it in to the Moby version, “fold your arms/ clap your hands.” To me it is an example of subtle resistance. I barely understood the connotations when I first heard it, but once I learned I loved it more.

  48. I hate “Rude” by Magic!. It’s catchy and the lyrics at the beginning start out well, but it ends up being a whiny rant with a “So there!” added in. I can practically see the singer sticking his tongue out. If I were the father I’d have said no, too! Bonus: My 11-year old daughter agrees!

    Why you gotta be so rude?
    Don’t you know I’m human too
    Why you gotta be so rude
    I’m gonna marry her anyway


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