Act One, Part Five: The Investigation, in Double Scene Sequences


Remember how slow the first double scene sequence was?  Yes, I’m cutting it, but now we have another one: After breakfast, Nita and Nick go to work because that’s logically where they’d go. Unfortunately that’s boring.  The solution:  Make sure there’s lots of conflict and cut as much as possible.  

But I also have to make sure that Nick and Nita are in each other’s scenes by at least name-checking; that is, they both have to constantly come up against evidence of each other’s actions on the island so they’re each present in each other’s story line.  Whether this is romance or just has a romance subplot, it’s just too late in the act to not hit both of them in the same scene, especially given how intertwined their investigations are.   

And there are other things this section has to accomplish like the characters I have to foreshadow, people who are going to show up in Act Two (remember Lenny?) who aren’t in Act One.  They have to be mentioned (if you’re writing a Crusie; your rules may differ), so this is my last chance to get the humans all salted in here–demons get mentioned in the next section–before the final section which is all action. 

That means this section has the same problem that the third section (Nita at home with her assassin demon, Nick in his apartment with his minion demons) had: the two protagonists are apart doing things that aren’t that interesting to the reader who, I’m assuming, would rather see people (I include demons as people) in  action. So again, that means that this section has to move fast and involve interesting people in conflict while uncovering new information that captures the reader’s interest. This section is necessary to set up the last two parts which are going to cork along at a good clip because we’re close to the place where all the set-up is done and nothing but the action is left.

So how to make Nita’s section fun?  First, make her scenes as short as possible; this is Nick’s sequence (she got the first one).  Then:

• Show Nita at risk and in conflict with her boss.

• Show Nita and Button moving into a closer relationship through action as they find out interesting things about Nick, first in Button’s PoV and then the next scene in Nita’s.  Their conflict is very low key, but they’re discussing Nick and it’s short, so I’m going to try to skate that past you all; then the next scene has Jason who wants them to stop investigating Joey’s death, and who introduces them to his new partner making this Nita vs Jason.  This stuff is still low stakes so it has to move fast.  .

• Then show Nita trying to find Nick and finding out he’s ahead of her, ending up back at the bar where he goes missing, then set up a new mystery as a hook into the next section.  Even though Nick isn’t in this section, he’s working almost as an antagonist because everywhere she goes, he’s either anticipated her, or the mention of his name makes things harder for her.  So this begins with a montage of frustration for Nita as a transition and then ends up with Nita vs. Vinnie, who has become Team Nick, for awhile at least.

And then there are Nick’s scenes.  I was going to give him this sequence, but as it turns out, it has to start with Nita.  Nick spends too much time talking with Mort in the diner, while Nita goes straight to work.:

• Show Nick in conflict with the Mayor and getting a feel for how the most powerful guy on the island operates. 

• Show Nick in conflict with Vinnie who has an Idea.

• Show Nick dealing with the women at the historical society while trying to get key information about the history of the island without betraying that the founders were demons.. This one is tricky because back story = boring, so I really needed to hit personalities and conflict to keep the focus of the story in the now.

• Show Nick discovering something key in another place and then hitting an abrupt shift into the next section. Yeah, it’s a cliffhanger, so this is more of a transition than a scene.

Then splice the two sequences back together and try to set up transitions between them.

So at the end of these sequences, both Nita and Nick are angry, and then Nick gets Part Six which makes him angrier.  They clash at the beginning of Part Seven which leads them to the crisis scene, which starts to make Nita come undone up to the last scene where she loses it.  They’re forced to work together because of the crisis scene and finally driven into partnership because of the climax.  

So by this point in the act, the only place I’m weak on conflict is in this double scene sequence.  (And the previous one, but I’m going to fix that in the paper edit.  Stay tuned.).  Off to annoy my characters now.  Thank god the next section is already done in parallel scenes and only needs cut back a little, which I am sure you will help with in the comments.  .  

These double scene sequences are killers.

17 thoughts on “Act One, Part Five: The Investigation, in Double Scene Sequences

  1. Damn, it’s good. I love the meeting between Nick and the Mayor. And Button and Dodd, the Weird Files.

    Small point – when you were talking about the years of settlement, you put 1914. I’m assuming you meant 1814.

  2. 🙂

    The Mayor’s comment on Mitzi reminds me of, “Meggie’s an exciting woman” … or something like that, from Crazy For You.

  3. Holy bejesus, when did all of these go up?! So much for my to do list…

    I was all set to hate Mann, what with her suspecting Our Girl, but I don’t, and that annoys me.

    THE MAYOR KNOWS THINGS. I want to know the Mayor better!! He’s also a little bit scary…Ok, at the end of that conversation, I’m going, “What? What?! WHAT???” And wishing I could read faster, and that’s pretty much my most engaged-ness. Great conversation.

    I think the Nita/Chloe scene is great.

    So curious to know what freaked out Rab!

    Great scene. I was totally engaged the whole time and unlike the last time when we hopped back and forth between scenes, it wasn’t annoying. So really good transitions?

  4. Hi Jenny, I noticed in conversation with Nina Vince said Something about Mr Leon, did he mean Mr Lemon? Or am I confused?

  5. If I’ve found other typos, should I mention them?

    BTW, loved it !! Thank you for sharing!

    The mayor was a surprise. Blue eyes are recessive, thus Nita, Mort, and Keres should have blues eyes. And Lucifer also had blue eyes…

    I too want to know what set off Rab.

    If this was your slow scenes, then this book is going to be going at light speed. It was quite fun! More please!

    1. And it is so sweet that you delivered without being asked. On to the next post, sadly, right after I exercise. Argh.

    2. You know, I’m hacking this apart right now and losing at least 6000 words of it, so they might go there or I might find them, so I won’t ask you type them all in now.
      I’ll put up the paper edit, with any luck by this weekend, and that’s the one I’ll try to find all the typos in first. Then if I missed one, absolutely tell me.

  6. I’m just going to take a moment and squeee!! Because I can remember when Jenny said maybe she was just done with this writing stuff, and she wasn’t going to write this book, and now?? NOW?? I have something to read and it’s gooood and it is going to better, because I’ve read a lot of your stuff, Jenny, and this is *almost* there and when it is all the way there – well. There’s a reason you’re my favorite.

  7. Some good stuff in there (glad to meet the Mayor and the stiletto-heeled boss) but it also felt to meander all over the place – a few spots where I was thinking “Why is this here and where is it going.”


Comments are closed.