Again, thank you very much for the critiques, Kelly S, Office Wench, S, Micki, Amy, and Reb! Here’s the revision. Keep in mind, this will change again and again, and will definitely have to be cut; it’s way too long. But it does try to solve the problems in the previous draft that you all pointed out in your critiques.
When Nick Borgia came out of the hellhole Vinnie Smith called his office, carrying the fiction that Vinnie called his ledgers, Vinnie was behind the bar, a glass in one hand and a bottle of whiskey labeled “Demon Rum” in the other, the picture of thuggish misery. Continue reading