How to Make a Wedding Cake

~ Jenny

1. Roommate announces Thursday night that she’s getting married on Saturday. Congratulate her. Accept when she asks you to be maid of honor. Try to remember what maid of honor does besides stand there. Roommate says they have found a great place to get married near Easton in Columbus. Tell roommate that’s a five-hour round trip with kids and you hope she has a nice time. Go back to work on vastly overdue book until the dawn breaks and kids leave for school. Roommate says they have found a place in Cincinnati to get married. Congratulate her and tell her you’ll be there. Go to sleep.

2. Wake up four hours later and realize that sick puppy is about to run out of special dog food and wedding is tomorrow. Better get a card. Drive to the vet’s. Wake up as you drive. Realize that putting on underwear does not constitute “dressed to leave the house” if dressed in striped sweats and a T-shirt and wearing houseslippers. Realize at twenty-one, this is cute; at sixty-one, assisted living is in near future. Park at vet’s. Dig good black coat out of the hatchback, the one bought in Boston when writing partner gave you ten minutes to buy a coat and you bought two, both of them still excellent. Gloat for the hundredth time. Remember when you didn’t forget to put on real shoes. Stop gloating. Tie sleeves of black coat around waist to undercut “Hi, I’m wandering around in my pajamas” effect. Go into the vet’s and get dog food.

3. Drive to T.J.Maxx and buy red leather flats to replace houseslippers. Immediately feel better. Add laptop case, dish scrubber, notepads for Krissie, and a designer clipboard. Feel MUCH better.

4. Remember wedding. Wedding present is taken care of (Angry Birds Honeymoon Game, previously the Angry Birds Road Trip Game), but now remember that good maids of honor also provide wedding bouquets and wedding cake for elopements. (This is not your first maid of honor-elopement rodeo.) Thank God for SuperKrogers a mile down the road. Get in car. Change into red slippers. Feel happiness replace despair.

5. Remember that you need four skeins of yarn to finish Project Runway Sock Monkeys Collection. Go into Hancocks and find yarn 30% off. Admire red slippers as you pick up yarn. Feel pretty damn good about self.

6. Drive to SuperKrogers. Go to fancy-schmancy designer bakery and ask for wedding cake. Encounter basilisk glare from fancy-schmancy pastry chef: “We don’t do wedding cakes.” Look at extremely beautiful fruit flans glistening in case. Think about stacking them to make wedding cake. Realize that you will be making wedding cake. Panic.

7. Go to baking section for two boxes of cake mix and two cans of white icing. Check out cake decorating supplies and realize they have nothing for weddings unless the bride and groom are six. Remember that Valentine’s Day was yesterday. SALE! Go to Valentine’s Day section. Realize that Valentine’s Day was four days ago. Look at two boxes of candy hearts and two forlorn cheap-ass teddy bears in pink plastic cases that say “XOXO.” Blame roommate for not getting married week earlier. Buy candy hearts and cheapass teddy bears.

8. Go to floral department. Ask for wedding bouquet and two flower girl bouquets. Encounter basilisk stare of floral designer: “We don’t do wedding bouquets.” Face all-nighter of cake decorating and bouquet design. Roommate likes daisies. Buy two bunches of Shasta daisies and one bunch of Gerbera daisies. Ask for floral tape. Floral designer sneers. Red shoes are causing blisters. Book is still overdue. Pay for everything in despair.

9. Go home. Pass out from lack of sleep.

10. Wake up at eleven PM. Feed dogs, sick puppy. Try to put IV needle in sick puppy, jam needle in finger. Puppy escapes. Remind self not to drive or stick needles in puppies until completely awake. Remember cake and flowers. Remember vastly overdue book. Remember maid of honor is supposed to throw the bachelorette party. Get up to make cake.

11. Preheat oven. Realize that the last time you made fancy-schmancy cake, it was only a two layer job and you used two boxes of cake mix. Scrounge another twelve-cupcake box from the cabinet. Mix together with more eggs than you thought possible, gallons of water and oil.

12. Look for Wilton stackable cake pans. Search every cabinet until you remember that you put them on the overhead shelf. Cut parchment circles for bottom of pans. Butter and flour pans and put in parchment circles. Pour in batter. Put in oven. Feel professional.

13. Try to put needle in puppy again. Stab self again. Puppy moves and needle sprays water everywhere. Puppy now drenched and actively hostile. Decide to do subq tomorrow when bride can hold puppy.

14. Scrub down counter, find cake plate, get out cheap-ass bears, candy hearts. Disaster. Scrounge pink marshmallow hearts leftover from Valentine’s Day, pink polka dot ribbon intended for crochet project. On whim, add pink curling ribbon from gift wrap box. Remember best friend’s favorite color is yellow. Damn.

15. Feed sick puppy medicine capsule wrapped in cheese. All is forgiven. Crochet until timer rings. Cake not done. Add five minutes. Crochet until timer rings. Cake not done. Add five minutes. Crochet until timer rings. Cake not done. 1AM. Puppy no longer hostile but you are. Add five minutes. Crochet until timer rings. Cake is done.

16. Pull out cake pans and let rest but not long enough because you’re bored. Flip out layers and peel off parchment; place on racks to cool. Run burned hands under cold water. Sick puppy would like more cheese. Suck it, sick puppy. Sick puppy, feeling much better, runs downstairs to hump sister. Snarling ensues.

17. Flip layers over and cut off rounded tops so layers are flat. Put trimmings in plastic bag for later, since crumbs have no calories, even if they’re the size of a cake layer. Door to kitchen opens, roommate comes in. “I smelled cake.” Hand over bag of crumbs.

18. Roommate tactfully does not mention three cake layers on counter. Roommate says no bachelorette party is necessary because something was making a weird, screaming sound outside and she sent groom out on cold deck to see what it was, so naked dancing guy quotient is filled for the evening. Suggest screaming sound was sick puppy getting his ass handed to him by sister. “No, weirder than that.” Roommate hands back rest of bag of giant crumbs, wipes chocolate from mouth, goes back to bed.

19. Look at cake layers. Realize they’re not going to be cool enough to ice for an hour. Realize that bouquets must be made. Realize that there is no floral tape. Realize that red slippers cause blisters, sick puppy is still not pumped full of water, book is still vastly overdue, and it’s almost 3AM. Go downstairs and get daisies.

20. Make bouquets using spotted ribbon, roll of lavender tulle intended for collage, lots of quarter inch ribbon. Fight with bouquets for significant amount of time. Details omitted because post is not called “How to Make a Wedding Bouquet.” Sock them in water.

Turn to cake.

21. Frost first layer. Wrap wide spotted ribbon around edge. Ribbon is so wide that entire edge is covered. Not effect wanted. Too damn bad.

22. Frost second layer. Look at pink heart-shaped marshmallows. Realize that they’re not heart-shaped enough. Smush marshmallows into better heart shapes. Push into side of cake.

23. Frost top layer. Wrap with polka dot ribbon. Realize that ribbon is half inch taller than cake. Glop in more icing and smooth to make full layer.

24. Using marker, make eyes and smiles on cheap-ass bears bigger, wider. Watch as marker bleeds and cheap-ass bears become zombies-come-to-eat-your-cheap-ass bears. Pin tulle veil to top of girl cheap-ass-zombie-bear. Put glob of icing in middle of top layer; sock cheap-ass-zombie-bear asses into icing.

25. Stand back and survey work. Hmmmm. Curl much bright pink curling ribbon. Pry cheap-ass-zombie bears from icing, stick in curling ribbon. Glop more icing on top, sock cheap-ass-zombie bears back on top.

26. Stand back and survey work. Hmmmm. Lotta icing under those bears. Add candy hearts and marshmallows to cover icing.

27. Stand back and survey work. Lord, it’s not good.

Realize it’s almost 5AM and that you should have gone to Michaels fourteen hours ago and just let Martha Stewart do everything. Decide it’s roommate’s fault for impulsive wedding. Realize you have no idea what you’re going to wear tomorrow. Go downstairs and work on vastly overdue book until sun comes up. Fall asleep.

28. Wake up, realize it’s half an hour to wedding, get dressed in favorite sundress. Tell bride how beautiful she looks.

Groom is handsome, too, but no picture. Go to wedding in back seat of car with Sweetness and Light,. Try to keep Sweetness from shredding her bouquet. Argue with Light over the color of the Gerbera daisy in the center of hers (“Yellow.” “Yellow orange.” “Yellow.” “Yellow at the tips, yellow-orange in the center.” “Fine, whatever.” “The white daisies have a purple stripe.” “Kill me now.”) Bride and groom in front seat holding hands, exchanging meaningful looks. Feel carsick. Bride and groom realize they are lost, peer at GPS. Feel carsicker.

29. Arrive at wedding house. Bond with officient’s wife, a former art teacher. Wedding is lovely. Bride and groom so happy.

Cry through whole thing in spite of snarky self.

Sigh.

30. Get back in car. “This daisy is yellow-orange.” Think about throwing up. Bride and groom in front seat, exchanging meaningful glances. Think about throwing up some more. Bride and groom get lost. Remember why you never married again.

31. Lunch at Olive Garden. Get out of car. Long dress pulls up to reveal leg. Realize you should have shaved legs. Also realize that you haven’t had enough sleep. Avoid falling face first into entree.

32. Home for reception. Cake looks like a cheap-ass-zombie-Barbie threw up ribbon on it. Sweetness and Light love it. Bride and groom love it. Congratulate everybody and go to bed.

33. Wake up at 8PM. Go upstairs with sick puppy. Bride helps with subq. Puppy hostile until cheese meds, then all is forgiven. Bride returns to groom for wedding night. Look at cake without top layer. Realize looks much better without cheap-ass-zombie bears and curling ribbon.

Remind self to show restraint in future. Also, wear real shoes outside.

34. Eat cake. Think about how happy bride and groom are. Eat more cake. Think that maybe on the way home, you shouldn’t have said, “Well, it’s all downhill from here.” Eat more cake. Wish bride and groom all the happiness in the world because they deserve it. Eat more cake.

Cake is delicious.

[Light took the wedding pictures. Aren’t they wonderful?]

101 thoughts on “How to Make a Wedding Cake”

  1. How to go to sleep at 12:30 if you’re a lazy grad student and not a hardworking writer making a cake.

    1. Sit down to eat a bowl of cereal then straight to bed. Exhausted. Lots of video games and Daily Show reruns today.

    2. Pop on Facebook while eating.

    3. Zomg! Lani Diane Rich got married? Blog on Argh? Click blog bookmark.

    4. Read blog until step 15. Realize not sleeping yet.

    5. Read #29. Realize still not interested in marriage.

    6. Read #30. Pat self on back for extreme astuteness.

    7. Finish blog. Mentally thank JC for never disappointing. Note that Jennifer Crusie and Jesus have same initials. Coincidence?

    8. Begin to write not terribly witty or intelligent response to blog. Typos abound. Punctuation questionable. Why aren’t you in bed yet?

    9. Finish typing response. Not terribly witty or clever. Delete?

    10. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  2. Geez, I’m laughing out loud and I’m sure disturbing the neighbors in my cheap-ass apartment!

    Love the “zombies-come-to-eat-your-cheap-ass bears”. Oh yeah, gotta have zombies at a wedding! Also love the pics, which are way better than I was expecting, given your wonderfully creative and funny detailed descriptions. Awesome.

    I hope you get to sleep in and write now for the next several days. Sure, they just got married and all, but they are married with kids and you better not let them start off forgetting it. 🙂

    FAJ: You Rock!

  5. Jennifer, you are a truly masterful writer, and beyond the call of duty friend. By the end of your blog, I was having trouble breathing. Did you ever get back to your way overdue book? And, well, maybe that last ‘everything’s downhill from here.’, was a bit . . . whatever. Just blame it on the zombie bears. Great work.

  6. I realize I probably won’t be getting married for a long while, but would you be willing to be my wedding cake maker? Because that looks like a delicious cake.

    Congratulations all around, and cuddles to the sick puppy.

  7. I always figured you for a Krispy Kreme kinda wedding cake girl! You thought, “Lord, it wasn’t good” but it turns out that it did not suck. You really are the most awesomest room mate. I think this guarantees that you will never be put into assisted living.

    Congratulations to the Happy Couple. Nothing but good times ahead.

    2. You fixed my ” not L – thanks!

      The bears would have “looked like hell, until you shoved it into the top doughnut, and made it look funky.” Paraphrasing Bet Me.

    1. Just read the Lucy March blog and was coming her to tell you that the cake matched the bride’s outfit. You inadvertently had a theme! Last September, a best friend had a “pretty in pink” theme for her wedding at which I was a bridesmaid and it was very well done.

  11. Thank for the lovely pics and commentary. I think you did an awesome job as “Iron Maiden” as my friend so lovingly called her MOH.
    I am a maid of honor in October and I am planning on A) buying a dress B) showing up.
    I really can’t be trusted with more than that and thankfully my friend knows it.

  13. For what it’s worth, I used to sell cakes. I’ve done a few wedding cakes, and my process isn’t much different than yours. 🙂

    Congrats, Lani! (I’m going to return that email, I swear.)

  14. Damn – you must be exhausted, lord knows I am just from reading. You clearly need a “Maid of Honor honeymoon”. Job well done Jenny. Congrats to the entire house!.

  15. I am speechless with admiration. My process of making and decorating wedding and other celebration cakes normally involves about two months of planning and preliminary drawings, making the cake(s) in advance, making hundreds of individual decorative elements, letters and so forth as run-outs or in pastillage, hours assembling the thing… If someone expected me to make a wedding cake for the next day, I’d promptly have a nervous breakdown.

    You are multi-talented, and a very, very good friend.

    It sounds as though Lyle is doing pretty well. Long may that continue.

    1. It helps that the bride and groom are not picky people.
      Lyle is doing great; he’s never had so much attention in his life. Except he hates the needle.

  16. At least you weren’t getting ‘Book done yet?’ emails in the midst of this. That might have been more icing than this cake could handle.

    But seriously, it looks like a truly yummy cake. And chocolate. YUM!

  17. You are the best roommate in the world. As busy as you are and as non-picky as the bride and groom are with cake, I would have just bought a sheet cake at the grocery store and been done with it. You are a better person than I.

  18. I feel like I was there! I am not a big wedding person so to me this sounds like a great day because it created great memories (well except for Lyle I hope he feels better soon.)
    I think you were a fantastic Matron of Honour. Making sure there was cake and flowers. but making them yourself gets extra marks.

  20. I think the only way that cake could have been more perfect (mo bettah) is if the Zombie Bears were climbing the sides with little “arrrrrgggghhhsss” in bubble quotes (marshmellow) above their heads. (Like you needed to do more last minute work.)

    Great job, Crusie.

  21. Everything looks great, and you are clearly a diamond among best freinds/roommates/MOHs. Congratulations all round.

    Now then, are Lani and Sweetness and Light moving out, or is the Groom moving in?

      1. So, inquiring minds want to know how Allistair pulled that off that fast. I thought he was merely taking a break from the beginning of his semester. 🙂

        Also, what’s up with the puppy, anyway? Did I miss a post on that?

        1. He was taking a break. Then he decided that he wanted to marry more than he wanted to graduate and Lani wasted no time in making it happen. They’re very, very, very happy.
          Puppy is in chronic renal failure which is very bad. However puppy seems extremely happy, dashing about like mad, putting on weight, so we have hopes.

          1. I’m happy they’re happy. 🙂

            I’m sorry to hear about the CRF; we had that experience here with out cat. Glad to hear he’s putting on weight. That’s very important. Best wishes on that.

  23. Ah yes, the perfect wedding cake. I think if it had been me doing the cake thing, they’d have ended up with a cake from “cakesgonewrong”, but then I’m pretty lazy about that sort of thing. I don’t do well without sleep. I love the zombie bears (but then I had a dream about zombies the other day and totally know how to defeat them now).

    You are a fantastic friend is all I can say about this post.

  24. Mmmm, love the cake.

    The first rule of wedding organisation is not to tell anyone its for a wedding – they either don’t want to be involved or want to sell you something more expensive. Looks like it all came out perfect.

  25. Wonderful post! And congrats again to Lani and Allistar, and to you for pulling off you MoH duties like a champ.

  26. Sufferin Sappho that is so funny I just about wet myself. My favorite line in the whole thing is: “Think that maybe on the way home, you shouldn’t have said, “Well, it’s all downhill from here.””
    My second favorite line is: “Realize at twenty-one, this is cute; at sixty-one, assisted living is in near future.”
    What does it say about me that I like self-deprecating humor so much?
    You are a great writer and a great friend / room mate / FAJ / person.

    1. I made my husband read the entire thing, just so that we could now walk around quoting La Crusie …”as sixty-two, assisted living is in the near future.”

  27. This makes me really want to bake a cake. Of course, I’m a college student in a dorm and have NO method to bake a cake, as I’m pretty sure you can’t bake a cake on a stove top. :/

    Oh well…next year… Until then I’ll just remember making cookies until 3am by myself over Christmas break.

    Good job pulling that all off though. I don’t think I could.

    1. Do you have a microwave? I think you can make a chocolate cake in a mug with a microwave – just saying

  28. Absolutely best MOH and BFF ever.

    Thought about cake and flowers briefly the night before, then decided, “Oh, screw it.” Two days of wild elopement paperwork and errand running, I felt I could do without.

    BFF totally came through, although I expected none of it. And the zombie bears and curling ribbon were the best. If I had to design and pick the perfect cake, it couldn’t have been better. And the flowers were beyond lovely.

    I argue against the I’m-not-picky thing. Everything was perfect and beautiful, and thank you, Jenny. Now we’ll leave you alone so you can write the book. Holler when you need me for the subq.

    Love you!

  31. You know, you really should be a writer because nobody could make this stuff up.
    This is the best wedding ever.

  32. I have a storage closet filled with cake decorating supplies. Wedding cake decorating supplies, mostly, as well as almost 100 decorating tips. My grandmother handed them off to me when she decided she was tired of making cakes for other people. Even though it means I have no place to store my boxes of other crap in my small apartment, I can’t get rid of it all. So at least I’m set for when I need to make an emergency wedding cake, right?

    I love your cake, especially the zombie-bears. And reading this first thing in the morning has completely made my day. 😀

    Now I wanna make a cake, though…dammit.

  34. I forgot to mention a card we got for a happy couple – Marriage is a ball (and chain). Loved it then and still do now

  35. Oh my goodness. You knocked it out of the ballpark babe, as you always do. I second (third) all the compliments and the glowy bride and groom stuffs!

  36. I agree with Brooke. Jenny, you ARE a national treasure!!! I was grinning like crazy throughout your entire narrative. THIS is what life’s all about, in between all the blisters and overdue books and needles. Love in all its forms. Between Lyle and his mama, Jenny and Lani, Lani and Alastair, Jenny and the girls, Lani and the girls, Alastair and the girls! Thanks for sharing your sparkly happy moments with us.

  37. LOL! This is why we come to the blog!! God bless you and your houseful! Thanks for sharing! It has made my day. I will be matron on honor in April, and this just scares the heck out of me! Best wishes to the bride and groom!

  38. Jesus, Jenny, that made me howl. Congrats on your expanded family, and thank you so much for the brilliant recap. You are a treasure!

  39. Wow Jenny. What a sweetheart you are. And the cake is one of the most memorable I’ve ever seen. Congratulations to all, how lucky to be surrounded by so much love. Urk– can’t resist:

  40. Jenny, your post was gorgeous and the cake was spectacular.

    Much love and good tidingdto the happy couple. You deserve joy in abundance.

  41. I loved this blog, you are too funny!! Though it probably wasn’t much fun at the time lol I think your cake turned out great, you do awesome work under pressure!!

  42. I laughed and laughed, until I was crying. Thank you.
    The cake is cute as Heck–love the bears–and the bride and groom look glowingly happy. What more could anyone ask for?

    Hope the puppy is better, after all of that, and that the book is progressing.

    The only downside, if there is one here, is that your roommate is gone. (Or so I’m assuming.) Argh.

    1. Nope. Got another roommate. Who takes the garbage out to the street which is a significant distance so, go, Scotland, that’s what I say. Also, he’s really nice.

  44. Wow. If that’s what you can do on too little sleep, imagine the possibilities with a good night’s sleep! What a lucky friend to have landed in your heart.

  45. So much to love in this post, but it’s all been said. I’ll confine myself to wishing good things for the bride and groom, flying fingers for the maid of honor, and hugs for the girls, who know how to keep it all real.

  47. I totally sympathize with the slipper thing. I hurt my foot over a month ago and so have gone in house slippers everywhere. And at 59, it is weird! People saying – “just like a high schooler”. Finally got a shoe on this weekend. No blisters yet.

  50. What a wonderful description of wedding cake magic – Buddy from Carlo’s couldn’t have done better. After seeing some of the extravaganzas on TV, I think Lani and Alastair had the best type of wedding – one where the marriage was what was important, not an overblown party just for show. How can you beat a cake and flowers made by your best friend and your daughters as your attendants? That’s such a show of love and support.

    Wishing continued happiness to all the humans and furry friends living in the expanded Crusie compound by the river in Ohio.

  51. Flat doesn’t mean foot friendly! However, compared to what we see on People of Walmart.com, you probably were safe with the slippers anyway.

    Congrats to the happy couple and yay that the crazy fake family stories will keep coming.

  52. Oh Jenny – I just so love the way you look at things, which (of course) translates to your books. No wonder we are all fans. I giggled through the entire story.

    I hope that Lucy and her love and their family are so happy for the rest of their lives!

    And since I saw KayT last weekend, I can report that her slippers were very classy worn with socks that matched. Unless you looked very closely, you couldn’t tell she had slippers on – glad to here you foot is better, KayT!!

  54. Perfect post. You are an awesome friend. I am going to dream about zombie bears now. A hug and a kiss to the little doggy.

  56. Well, I *LOVE* the cake. Even more, I love the story about making the cake…

    I once decorated a wedding cake for friends with neon pink plastic flamingo swizzle sticks. The groom grew up in FL and absolutely HATED pink flamingos, and since he and I loved pulling pranks, and since she understood such things well, it was the only thing to do. They got married in Switzerland, my husband came down from Berlin to act as witnesses/translators for the ceremony (a near elopement, only we four and the official present). I gotta tell you, it is NOT easy to find pink plastic flamingos in any form in Europe..I had to hunt for DAYS, but it was worth it to see their faces when we surprised them with the cake. They both cracked up.

  58. If my roommate had thrown a last minute cake on me it would have still been in the pan and decorated with sprinkles. So I think you did pretty good. 🙂

    1. I tend to leave the cake in the pan a lot when I’m making a 13×9 cake. In my defense, it’s a blue pyrex pan (so it’s slightly decorative). Also in my defense, I have an awful time getting the frosting to work on layers. I always end up with cake in the frosting. I didn’t even know there was etiquette for being a elopment MOH.

  59. JENNIFER, I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING AS I READ HOW YOU DESCRIBED
    WHAT WENT INTO PULLING OFF THIS WEDDING , YOU ARE THE BEST
    FRIEND ANY ONE COULD EVER HAVE, YOU THE WOMAN !

  60. Amazing post – I cannot believe you pulled all that off. Way to go, overachiever!

    Congratulations to Lani and her family!! 🙂

  63. Hi. I’m a fancy-schmancy pastry chef who thinks your cake looked great! You know more about baking than you were letting on. Been reading your work since “Welcome to Temptation.” Love you even more after reading this post.

  65. Congratulations and commiserations. That’s quite the saga. And those are some scary zombie bears. But you did right by your friend on short notice and that’s what counts. I got to be maid of honor out of state with 3 weeks notice. Fortunately, she did her own party (board game night with the family), and told me to wear something I already had. I brought 3 dresses and let her pick, and it wound up matching the flower arrangements at the place. Whew!

    I know this is more about me, me, me, but dangit, how is it that some people get both divorced and married while I’m between boyfriends? Granted, I did get a text from the ex, flake-boy, implying that he wanted to get back together and he is good at building cabinets, but there’s that flake thing. Still, I don’t know how to move that fast.

  66. Yeah. I was wondering that. How did they move that fast, that they could just elope? Are there different rules if you want to marry a European, which I suppose a Scotsman is – sort of? When my brother married a Philippino woman it took almost 2 years for the paperwork for him to be allowed to do so and for her to immigrate to the US and for her to get a visa (if they married and she did not have a visa and came to the US, she would be deported and it would be years before she would be allowed back into the US even to visit). Or do they eventually plan to go to Scotland so they don’t have to do all the immigration paperwork? It is one of those weird questions that I have been trying to figure out. Or are we using elope to mean “not a big formal wedding” not “get a marriage license and find the nearest justice of the peace”. Inquiring minds want to know.

  67. I’m sorry for this, but it came to mind and I have to share.

    Jenny, if you do decide to give up writing book, you have many new careers to choose from. I recommend “Fake Aunt Jenny’s Cheap-Ass Wedding Cakes.”

  70. “Sick puppy would like more cheese. Suck it, sick puppy.”

    This made me giggle.

    Everyone should have a friend like you. Only thing better than the zombie bears might have been a pair of crocheted sock monkeys for the cake topper. I eloped too but no one made me a cake of any description.

    As I am currently homeless, a writer, and also have two small children I briefly had hopes (okay, a wild fantasy) that maybe you’d be lonely and looking for a lodger – I’d have taken the garbage can down the driveway too. Oh well…

  75. I googled “Jennie Crusie argh blog” to see if you’d written your random Sunday post and saw this title. Had to read it, even though *drops voice to a whisper* I should be working. And tadaah! You cheered me up. Bad morning turned into a little brighter day.

    1. Thank you, Leigh. Amazingly, we’re all doing well here: Lyle’s still alive, Lani and Alastair are on a permanent honeymoon, and I made brownies the other night. No cheap-ass bears.

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