I’m Old and I Can Prove It

Every now and then, I’ll use an expression that my parents and grandparents used, and everybody around me will look at me as if I’m speaking in tongues because it’s so old, nobody uses it anymore. Like calling the kids Frick and Frack. Or saying, “Wish Cotton was a monkey,” one my mother’s faves. Of course another one of my mother’s faves was “Cheese, pie, and crust” (because she didn’t believe in swearing but homophones were okay), so you have to be careful when quoting my mother.

But the best one, when the kids say something snarky, is to narrow my eyes and say, “Sloooooowly I turn . . . ” It’s a very old burlesque routine, right up there with Who’s On First (“I don’t know.” “THIRD BASE”), but it’s infinitely adapatable to any situation in which you want to threaten somebody. Sweetness is now all over “Slowly I turn . . .”
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