We’ve finally decided on a name for the house: Squalor. As in:

Q: Where do you live?
A: In Squalor. It’s east of Cincinnati.

I’ve been investigating space heaters and they’ve change a lot since Mollie fell into one when she was two. (Yes, thank you, I still have nightmare flashbacks.) The one I’m using right now is the cutest oil-filled radiator with no glowing coils to maim children, but I’m thinking of trading up to an electric fireplace. Because I’m cold, that’s why.

I still have RV fever. I’ve found a great used one in upstate NY that Krissie and Richie would almost certainly drive down for me, I just don’t have any money. And besides, once I got one, I’d have to redecorate and paint and make curtains and I have this book that is so grossly overdue I have nightmares about it when I’m not having flashback nightmares about Mollie falling into the space heater. Plus some other stuff. But expect to hear more moaning about small RVs. I’s my new obsession. Sorry.

So I got the iPad. For the first couple of months I had it, I mostly played games on it and read the occasional book, and my conclusion was pretty much that it was a fun toy but not the game-changer that everybody kept saying it was. Then I started picking up my e-mail and Googling for spur-of-the-minute stuff and find new apps. And I discovered that it was much easier to read the iPad than it was my old falling-apart Georgette Heyer mysteries as I researched romantic mysteries, so I read all of them as e-books. Then I went on a road trip and realized that if I’d gone for the higher-end edition, I could have been google mapping the entire time and picking up my e-mail ANYWHERE and kicked myself for setting my sights so low. The only thing I don’t do on it now is word processing and the blogs. Everything else, the iPad is easier. It’s a game-changer, folks. I love my iPad (but I still wish they’d given it a less stupid name).

Krissie and Lani and I did a lot of brainstorming for Fairy Tale Lies while she was here, and one of the conclusions we came to is that it had to be about the romances more than the sisterhood. I’m not even sure I know how to write romances anymore, but I’m game to try. Reworking the collage now because we added extra characters (minions, mostly, using Steve Buscemi and Kristin Chenowith for extra evil), and broke the story into four acts (Into the Woods, Hello, Sailor, (Have Fun) Storming the Castle, and The Final Battle). And I changed my placeholders, so that’ll rev things up.

Krissie and I drove for twelve hours (two days) and talked the entire time and she gave me what I desperately needed which was the second book premise. I had the first, third, and fourth, but the second was a black hole since I’d looked at what I’d been going to do and realized that it was All Wrong. Krissie made the suggestion gently the night before we started the trip, and I said, “No, that’s not it.” Then she tried it again when we stopped for the night. “No, that’s not it.” Then she just mentioned it again when we were crossing into Ohio, and I said, “THAT’S IT!” And she muttered, “Three days.” No, she didn’t but she could have. Basically, Liz left home when she was seventeen before she graduated, and the second book takes place in June. “What the hell happens in June?” I said to Krissie. “It can’t be a wedding, that’s in the first book.” “Graduation?” she said. “No,” I said, “nobody in the book is old or young enough to graduate.” Next day: “Graduation?” “No, that won’t work.” Third day: “Graduation?” “Oh, wait, because Liz never graduated? That’s GENIUS.” Three days. It’s a miracle she still talks to me.

Also, I LOVE KRISSIE. I did a blog post about my great day in NYC where I effusively said that I loved many people and things, but I did not mention her because everybody knows she’s my sister and I adore her, but she made the pointed suggestion that perhaps she should have been mentioned so I LOVE KRISSIE. Waiting to hear from Lani now. “You always liked Krissie best.”

Light continues to astound. She’s getting older–she turned nine a couple of weeks ago–so she’s getting craftier, but mostly she’s just implacable. We’ve always known she’s a force of nature, raising Light consists mostly of saying no and sitting on her and she still gets away with murder, but then last week they did testing for the gifted program, and she tested gifted in all three areas. Now you have to understand, Light does not like to read. She lives for TV, sugar, and whatever small plastic things consume her thoughts at the moment (formerly Littlest Pet Shop, now Zoobles, or Zoobies, I get them confused, the little plastic aliens that hurt like hell when you step on them in your bare feet). She does not have an academic bone in her body. And yet, the little buzzsaw is in three gifted programs. I told Lani, “You realize we’re the only thing standing between the rest of the world and your daughter. And I don’t think the rest of the world is ready for her.” The good news is, her plans for the future are to have her own island and three million cats. And a maid to empty the litter box. So we have some time before she takes over the planet, but still, I’m warning you now. Light is coming. If she asks you for anything, say, “NO,” or you’ll end up naked in a barrel.

I’ve been putting together Closet Maid shelving units forever; I don’t even need to read the directions any more. I normally am not a fan of Closet Maid, but they have these fabric boxes that you slide into the square cubbies and they’re very bright and cheerful, and I can put the units on casters and we all know how I feel about Cheerful On Wheels. The best part: One of the fabric boxes has a lion’s face with an open mouth and I can put my trash bags in there and then just pull the next bag through the lion’s open mouth. Really, you have to get one of those for your trash bags. Nothing like feeling happy every time you bag the trash.

They have a green monkey, too, but I’m not sure about him. He looks shifty. And they used to have a blue elephant but he’s disappeared from Amazon. I blame the monkey.

I just bought these shoes:

Then I searched for them online because the place I bought them was out of my size, and found this blog where women were either sneering at them (“I could not take seriously any woman who wore those in public”) or copping to owning a pair. I’m wearing them to RWA in June. I mention that so that those of you who cannot take me seriously if I’m wearing them can brace yourself. Because even in bunny slippers, I’m still a pit bull, baby.