Random Sunday

Today’s Random Sunday is brought to you by the Apple iPad because I WANT ONE. But I can’t have it. I have to finish the galleys and the first Liz and my essay for BenBella before I can start slinging that kind of money about on random electronics, but it’s hard to concentrate because I WANT ONE. I want one with the burning passion that Light reserves for everything she wants, which is everything. I, at least, am focused on one thing, while Light eyes the blue bunny pen, the wildflower seeds, chocolate chip cookies, Luigi’s lemon ices, and the bag I’m making for Krissie, none of which she can have and all of which she yearns for. When she is told no, she gives this little moan, not a whine, more like a short keen. Then she sees something shiny and moves on. But I am fixated. It doesn’t help that every magazine that arrived at the house this week had a full page ad for the damn thing on the back cover. It haunts my dreams. I WANT ONE. But I can’t have one so moving on . . .

Sweetness turned 11. She was thrilled. “Yes!” she said. “I’m a woman now!” For a nano-second, I thought about asking “How so?,” and then decided not to be a buzzkill. She was very specific about what gifts she wanted, and even more specific about her cake: white cake with white icing. And vanilla ice cream. Her mother, sister, and Fake Aunt Jenny tried to reason with her since we’d be eating this cake. Maybe chocolate with white icing? No. Maybe Italian cream cake with walnuts? Oh. My. God. NO. Maybe— NO, NO, NO, WHITE CAKE AND WHITE ICING ONLY. Okay fine. So her mother goes out the day before her birthday and calls me from the store and says, “I want to decorate this cake. Do you have cake decorating stuff?” She never learns. Don’t ask “Do you have cake decorating stuff?”, ask “Where is your cake decorating stuff?” There’s one of everything somewhere in this house. So she comes home and I start pulling out my cake decorating stuff which I have in abundance because I wrote Agnes and had to research it. And she says, “So I want to put Kit on it, do I just pipe it on?” and I said, “No, use fondant,” and told her exactly how to do it. I did not tell her I’d never done it because why undermine her confidence? So she did exactly what I said and here’s the cake:

Is that fabulous or what?
Then Sweetness’s birthday arrived and I started to cut the cake and she didn’t want any. Just vanilla ice cream. No cake. The three of us sat there and glared at her and she said, “What?” and I said, “You’re getting chocolate cake next year, kid.” Honest to God, white cake? Who does that?

Of course, it was getting all the cake stuff out that led one of us to drop the tube of green food coloring that led to Mona’s green chin which is now sort of gross, the kind of green your finger gets if you put a cheap ring on it. I realized today that Mona’s the only white dog I’ve ever had, that Lyle could be drenched in green food coloring and I’d never know since his fur is so dark. “Maybe if we dyed her a different color,” I told the kids. “Some people use Kool-aid.” Then we had a discussion about what color to dye her–I nixed yellow because yellow is a real dog color and where’s the fun in that–and we were thinking seriously of green until I saw how the current green was wearing off. I’ve seen more attractive mold.

Which brings me to the tuna fish. Lani made tuna salad two weeks ago and I forgot about it. Then she got the flu for the past week with all the attendant achy-ness and vomiting and she forgot about it. She came down to get a lemon ice and I got something out of the refrigerator and saw the glass bowl. “How long has that tuna been in here?” I said. She said, “Oh, god, forever,” which means it’s bad under that foil, but I need that bowl. So I said to her, “You’re still sick, right?” She said, “Yes,” and I said, “Well, then, you’re throwing up anyway, you get rid of it.” She gagged a little and said, “Best roommate ever,” and went upstairs. The tuna’s still in the fridge. Attention must be paid. Later.

Speaking of fish, did you see Glee last week? I am so in love with Brittany, I can’t stand it. “Dolphins are gay sharks.” In a million years, I couldn’t write a line that great, and the best part of it was the delivery. “Sometimes I forget my middle name.” Okay, that one actually happens to me, but gay sharks? Genius.

If I had an iPad, I could watch episodes of Glee on it. They’d look spectacular. I know, I know, I’m fine, I’m over it, I won’t mention it again.

Speaking of Glee, I’m writing an essay for Benbella’s upcoming book on the show, and the fabulous Leah asked me to pass on to you the Share-Your-Glee contest they’re having. My essay is on Sue Sylvester as the perfect antagonist, but now I’m starting to wish I’d picked the Genius of Brittany. Of course, Sue Sylvester is pretty formidable on her own. My fave Sue quote: “I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat, and then, on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.” That is amazing dialogue. Not gay sharks, but still freaking amazing.

Speaking of gay sharks, here’s an octopus that grabbed a diver’s camera. Then the diver went after it. There was no discussion of gayness, not that there’s anything wrong with that (has that one outlived its relevancy?), but the video is amazing. And the diver is insane. LET THE OCTOPUS HAVE THE CAMERA. Before it rips your arm off. Film at eleven.

The octopus reminds me of the tuna fish. Must do something about that.

I wonder if the Iceland volcano is upsetting the octopus and the gay sharks. It’s upsetting everybody else. My theory on why there’s no “Is this the end of the world?” stuff on this is because everybody’s focusing on 2012 because of the Mayan calendar which makes no sense at all. I mean, the Mayans had to quit making that calendar sometime. They got a couple thousand years ahead of themselves, figured they had time to finish it later, and broke for lunch. Fast forward a couple of thousand years, and a bunch of paranoids are screaming, “The end of the world in 2012!”, failing to notice the fine print at the bottom that says, “To Be Continued.” In the meantime, a volcano under a glacier has shut down a good chunk of Europe and there’s no end in sight but that’s not bothering them. Isn’t there something in Revelations about a cloud covering the sun? My grasp on Revelations is no longer what it was before I read Good Omens and Thief of Time. Pratchett’s version just wiped out King James. (“And the fifth horseman, Ronnie.”) The reason I ask is, if it is the end of the world, there’s no point in doing anything about that tuna fish.

But back to the volcano. Many Important People are stranded right now, including the Prime Minister of Norway. But Jens Stoltenberg is not letting a little volcanic ash keep him from his duties, no, he is governing Norway from a New York airport using his iPad.

If I had an iPad, I could govern Norway. Well, okay, I couldn’t, but I could do cool things I can’t even imagine now because I don’t have an iPad to find out what they are. I know, let it go, Jenny, but I WANT ONE.

So, moving on, speaking of fish, my nephew Jacob came to visit and got drafted into several games of Go Fish. My nephew is one of the few sane people in my family, a sturdy, placid guy who lets the crazy flow over him at family gatherings while he sits and smiles. He’s basically a Weeble in a family of wolves. I’d told the girls about him, especially about how when his sister was too little to say “Jacob,” she’d said, “Grape-id,” and we’d called him Grape after that. I can still remember my burly firefighter brother yelling, “Grape, get in here,” out the back door. Of course, the nickname had been gone for years by the time he showed up on our front doorstep, but the girls glommed onto him immediately and called him Uncle Grape and made him play Go Fish, and I watched him and thought, “This is possibly the nicest guy in the world.” Then he went home and told the family they were hardcore Go Fish players which made the girls giggle. My nephew is the best.

Speaking of wolves, Sweetness overheard her mother and me talking about a friend who’d had horrible parents, and I said, “Basically, she was raised by wolves.” Sweetness drifted past and said, “I was raised by dachshunds.” It’s like she’s Brittany with brains. And terrible taste in cake.

Speaking of Grape, we all went home to Wapak and on the way we stopped at the RV place because Liz is going to get an RV in Rest in Pink and I had done my research and knew exactly which one she’d get. Then I saw it for real and wanted one. Okay, this is not in my future, those things are grotesquely expensive but, as Lani would say, WANT. What is it about RVs and little houses that’s so seductive? Lani picked out one for when the kids graduate and go to college so she can get a truck and haul it to wherever they are and camp in their driveways and never leave, but I want this one now. It’s so small you can use it as an everyday car AND still have a bed in the back. Flying has become such an incredible hassle I never want to go anywhere again, but if I had an Agile, I could drive everywhere. Slowly. Stopping to microwave lunch while I read a book on my iPad. Anyway, the kids loved the RV place so much, Lani told them that was where she was taking them for vacation next year. And then we went on to Wapak and they played Go Fish with Grape again. It was a good day.

Sweetness did not have a good day last Monday. They were playing soccer and the ball came toward her and she ducked and got yelled at by one of the kids. “It was coming straight at my head,” she said, outraged. “Perhaps we should review how soccer is played,” I said. “It’s my face,” she said and went upstairs to read a book. Meanwhile Light is in trouble for not doing her homework (sitting still is not her forte) and is covered in bruises from running into soccer balls, falling in the bathtub, tripping on the stairs, and generally barging through life without looking and then bouncing back. Warrior Woman. “You’re Xena,” I told her, and she said, “Who?” so I googled and showed her Xena. “I’ll have to grow my hair longer,” she said and went outside to run into something else, leaving her homework unfinished behind her. What Sweetness needs is a soccer ball that stays still, and what Light needs is a book that moves. Like this:

I WANT AN IPAD.

I didn’t get a birthday present last year. I should have this. And chocolate cake. Sigh.

Here’s Sweetness on her birthday:

And now I must go back to the galleys, Liz, the Benbella essay, and inevitably, the tuna fish.

But no iPad.

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142 thoughts on “Random Sunday

  1. For many years, we had a Volkswagen camper van, in my opinion the most lovable motor-vehicle ever. We could never have afforded to travel on the Continent as much as we did in the 1970s and 80s if we had had to stay in hotels all the time. Camp sites and and the van made it possible. Of course, camp sites are sometimes a bit of an adventure in themselves.

    1. We had a Volkswagon van when we were first married. It wasn’t a camper which would have been wonderful, but it was used and I took the VW logo off the front and painted a Superman logo on it because the van was blue. We drove that baby right into the ground. Great, great car.

    2. I must say that when I was a kid we had a Volkswagen bus that my parents used to take their two children on a camping trip from PA to Yellowstone and back again. This is the example I use to illustrate my parent’s pseudohippiness (Dad’s a minister & Mom’s an academic nurse so they didn’t qualify as real hippies, not even in the 70s). One of its more memorable qualities was a failing parking break that would occassionally cause it drift out of our sloped driveway into the street, causing their pre-teen children & friends to have to push/drive it back in when we were left home alone.

  2. I haven’t quite done the math, but I think the tuna fish AND bowl go into the garbage and Sweetness helps you pick out a new bowl, in which you mix batter for a chocolate cake, and Grape gets invited to help eat it.

    I can’t help you with the iPad except that isn’t spring a time to buy yourself new stuff? And isn’t an iPad a better investment for you at this time than a travel trailer? I mean, it could be worse, right, you could buy the travel trailer. An iPad is hardly in the same league. Plus it’s useful. For work.

    And in the Alice clip, she looks a lot more like Kiera Knightly being fierce than I recall from my childhood.

    1. We did that throw-the-bowl away thing when we forgot some watermelon for a couple of weeks and it went bad (Next on Fox: When Watermelon Goes Bad) and I’ve been mourning that dish ever since.
      So I just cowboyed up and threw it out. I had to. Lani tweeted about it and I was looking bad. She plays hardball when it comes to nausea.

      1. This is why I store all leftovers in plastic. Not environmentally smart in the large sense, but better for the household environment.

  3. It’s time (past, really) for me to leave for church but I was enjoying this so much that I didn’t stop.

    It won’t help, but perhaps you might enjoy seeing what a cat will do with an iPad, brought to you by Care2. Not at all like what the dogs would do to an iPad, which is, presumably, eat it.

  4. I love that S and L have an Uncle Grape. When my cousin’s oldest was little she couldn’t say Great so she called her great grandparents Grandma and Grandpa Grape. Of course, I called that particular grandmother Morning from the time I was about 3. Now I’m extra sorry I missed Glee, that’s what being on vacation will do to you.

  5. In Sweetness’ defense, my mom got a concussion from heading a soccer ball.
    “How did you manage that, Mom?” “What? I can’t hear you over the ringing in my ears.” Yup, that was a fun day of miscommunication.

    On some levels, I want an iPad. On other levels…I think I’d rather have an iPhone and a new sewing machine. On the level that is reality, I will moan and sigh and look at pretty pictures, but do without while swiping my boyfriend’s iPhone every chance I get and dropping completely not-subtle hints about sewing machines to my parents since my birthday is coming up. That’s a valid technique, right? πŸ˜‰

    I love the octopus video. I am now going to go share that with everyone I know. Good luck with the tuna fish!

  6. I share your WANT of an iPad, except for the name, which I still can’t get over, and despite the fact that I’m not really sure why exactly I need one (until of course you pointed out that I could run Norway with one). The government, unfortunately, has some compulsion about having student loans paid back, which is interfering in my plans. However, it has been explained to me (by a NYTimes article) that Apple is devious and left out some basics on the current iPad (a camera, high level wireless, and other important things that I don’t fully understand), so that people will buy the next version too. Which means that if I’m responsible and mature and wait a few months, I will end up with a much better product. And that’s all well and good, except that I was on the train into the city on Friday and the person next to me had one and it was awesome and the WANT cycle began again. Oy.

  7. I love the idea of an RV. If my sweetheart is still working the same (traveling) job in a year and a half when our boy hits college, we’re buying a little RV so I can travel with HIM and leave the boy home to take care of the house and the dogs. I figure, it’s kind of a taste of independence without all the attendant messiness of dorm life.

  8. Sweetness is super smart. I was at a soccer game in high school where a girl tried to head the ball and knocked herself out cold instead. Concussions are bad news.

    I don’t even understand what an iPad actually does, frankly. I was in an iStore yesterday and it was slammed with crowds of hysterical people playing with them, but I couldn’t figure out the allure from six people back, so I gave it up as a bad job.

    On the tuna fish front… I think you won’t miss that bowl as much as you think you might. Why delve into cleaning it, really? There are other bowls. Shiny new bowls. Bowls that have your name on them.

  9. Jenny, if you want the iPad so much, why can’t you have one? It’s not like you’ll have to re-mortgage your home or send Sweetness and Light out with the dogs to perform a cute little busker act on the streets of wherever you live in Ohio.

    Now, if you’re concerned that getting an iPad now will distract you from finishing your work because you’ll be so busy playing with all of the features, perhaps you should wait. On the other hand, thinking and yearning for one is distracting you plenty.

    All in favor of Jenny going out and getting her iPad, say Aye!

    I love instigating, uh, supporting people in their purchasing decisions. Did it a few weeks ago for a friend when she was on the fence about buying the Harley of her dreams. She’s so happy now that the Harley is in her driveway.

    Lani, that cake is awesome! Happy birthday, Sweetness!

    Glee, how do I love thee? Sue Sylvester is a treasure. My favorite insult from last week was the oiling a wok on Will’s hair comment.

    1. There’s this thing called a Budget. It’s like a diet, only with money. Unlike a diet, if you go off it, you don’t eat. Eating is a key part of my life, so . . .

      1. Hmmm….so, what I hear you saying (in my own iPad craving stupor, is, if I go off my budget, I will be forced to be on a diet. A no food diet, but still. Win-win.

  10. I won’t lie. That Alice for the iPad thing is freaking awesome. But iPads break SO easily. I’ve seen a couple stress tests where the screen broke from being dropped on carpet.

    And the 2012 Mayan thing is actually misinterpreted. I was in class last semester with a girl who studied South American cultures and she informed the class that what they actually meant was that 2012 would be the beginning of a new era.

      1. Yes, but you’re not supposed to drop it. It’s like a TV. Or a glass plate. Don’t drop it because it will break.
        Also, I get Apple Care on everything.

          1. Also, don’t put it in the blender. My friend passed this along, and I still don’t know what to make of the kind of mind who would do this to expensive gadgetry. Or the kind of mind that would find it entertaining. (-: Or the kind of mind that really can’t make up her mind about what to think about the whole thing. (keywords: Blendtec iPad) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAl28d6tbko

  11. I can’t find what happened to my copy of Farley Mowat’s The dog who wouldn’t be, but didn’t Mowat’s father try to clean up the dog by using bluing? (It was originally a white dog, but it ended up totally blue and the man got hell from everyone in the neighborhood.)

    1. Yes, one of the best dog books ever….he learnt to climb trees to freak out the cats and squirrels. What a dog.

  12. This is a bowl full of awesome (no mold in sight) but the “I was raised by dachshunds” will carry me through the day. Thank you, Sweetness.

    And thank you for introducing kiddo and I to the Skelanimals. I had never seen them before and we just enjoyed some Sunday morning bonding over the little videos.

    No iPad for me, I’m low tech. But it sounds like you have a plan. Finish current workload, reward with iPad. It’s not a “can’t have one”, it’s a “can’t have one right now”. Totally different.

  13. I love this -cake, electronics, dogs, flu , RV’s and bad tuna fish!! Such a good time for all! There were 6 children in our family and my mother always made a 2 layer cake -one layer of chocolate and the other vanilla. We also went thru a spell of her buying neopolitan icecream -the kind in the square box with 3 flavors enclosed-I never liked it-so bland. I know how you feel, Jenny, about wanting something but having to be THE ADULT and staying on a budget. I make lists of “wants” and dream about owning them. My weakness is plants for the flower gardens and other landscaping items. I remember my mother saying,”Denial is good for the soul” when I was a teen. I remember thinking that my soul must be REALLY good but who cares about that when you’re young. I’m sure your soul is good too!

    1. I’ve been saving the change every time I fill up my tank (and in my currency, that can be up to $9.99 in coins, about), and putting it in a “flower box.” My hope is that I’ll open the box one day, and have enough to buy something really cool (-:. I probably have $30 already, which would be enough to give me a house covered in nasturtiums this fall.

      1. I’ve been saving for a ladies seiko kinetic watch that way. Since I quit work and started strudying full time. I have dipped in. the rule I added was if I find money that has been somewhere like a jacket pocket for a long time, it goes in there too. After all, I didn’t miss it for the 5 weeks it was in the pocket, I don’t need it now!

  14. In the words of my oldest daughter, who is an APPLE junkie and loves all thing apple: “I want, no, I NEED an iPad. But I’m smart enough not to buy the first version, because I don’t have the patience to deal with all the glitches they need to work through. I’ll just have to be patient and wait for the second version – UGH I HATE BEING PRACTICAL!”

    So maybe you can want this iPad, but you’ll NEED the next one. See if that helps your yearnings! lol

  15. Ms. Jenny…

    That iPad is definately in your future…it just has to be.

    And I like white cake with white icing…maybe a little chocolate on it.

    Looking forward to 2013.

  16. I believe that iPad lust is pretty universal right now. I had planned to buy a new bed, but then I mistakenly started reading about the iPad and its awesomeness and click click click, had one ordered (the 3G, 64 gig butt kicking one that comes out at the end of this month), so now I have to wait about 6 months to get a real bed. If that is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

    1. Gah! See, I am also planning to buy a new bed…was in fact, just thinking, “The iPad would be about what I’m planning to spend on the new bed. Do I really NEED the new bed? The old one really works just fine. ” Trying to resist. But. WANT.

    1. I totally agree. I’m going to be smiling not just all day, but all week on this one πŸ™‚

  17. What is it about little cute things that make us want them? For a while the trend was bigger and bigger computer screens, now its smaller and smaller computers.
    Personally I’m mad at Apple for the whole “no one else is allowed to sell an ebook cheaper” garbage. I have a Sony ebook reader. I love my Sony, and I think it sucks that I can’t get some of the books I want because of Apple’s demands and the publishers caving in.

  18. I made the mistake of popping into the Apple Store while visiting the mall on Friday, and I WANT as well. I didn’t jump on the Kindle bandwagon (bad design, the e-ink refreshes waaaaay too slowly for this fast reader, and a device that can only do one thing?) but the iPad will be my e-reader. Someday. 2nd generation, probably. Until then the Kindle reader on my iPhone will suffice. But I want.

    1. I tried out the iPad at the Apple store as I was weighing an iPad against a Kindle. The iPad was amazing BUT heavy. My daughter and I decided we wouldn’t want to hold it up very long. So I’m thinking it won’t work quite as well as an e-book reader. However, I haven’t tried holding the Kindle and reading so maybe the weight thing isn’t the decision maker.

  19. Since I love to bake, I am the designated cake/dessert/snack maker for my unit at work. My boss’ boss wanted an all white cake for her birthday. I love white. It is my favorite color (don’t ask) but this bothered me. So, my DH and I made a white cake with white frosting and white writing….we just dyed them various shades of turquoise using the fancy cake dyes. Beautiful! And kinda creepy like Mona, the zombie dog’s muzzle. As for the RV, a friend visited my DH once and he had a BMW RV! Oh, how I wanted that RV. I still want that RV. I CRAVE that RV but never got to really see inside it. The idiot twins scoped it out while I was at work. It was smaller than the one you are looking at and kinda of shaped like the shuttle…and the front end was shaped like the beak of a gay shark. No shower but a bed, kitchen and heater. Sigh. No IPad for us but the DH is still jonesing for an IPhone. I’m thinking of biting the bullet and getting him one for the big 16th anniversary. I mean this is the guy who tries on all the clothes I make for other people so I can see what they look like. I should have taken a picture of him when I made my friend an Alice costume to wear to Disney’s Pirate and Princess party. He had on the dress, pinafore, petticoat and bloomers. I even made a blue satin capelet in case it got cold. A side note: My friend looked so good as Alice, she was asked for her autograph. Glenn would have looked better! πŸ™‚

    1. The iPhone is actually not a luxury. It does so many things and makes life so much easier that it’s essential around here. Bob went in to replace his recharger after I got one and came back to the car with an iPhone and it is now his favorite thing next to Gus. Lani is insane about hers. And I love mine even though I don’t do a quarter of things with mine that they do. It’s amazing, the things it does.
      Plus, if we had an iPad, you can play Scrabble with the board on the iPad and using your iPhones as tile racks. I told Lani and she got this insane look in her eye and started talking about what we could sell so we could buy an iPad.

      1. That’ll work. My DH deserves it. I’ll tell him it was green lighted by a source I trusted. πŸ™‚ And I didn’t even look at the tag on the BMW RV. I’d have to sell my fiber stash to afford it. And maybe the beads as well. There’s always Lotto!

      2. I adore my iPhone. It’s one of the few things that actually ends up being as cool as advertised. I lusted after one until my old cell phone broke (literally; I had to hold the flip top closed with a rubber band), and then they were bringing out the bigger memory and discounting the original issue iphones so I decided that was a Sign From The Universe. It’s bad karma to ignore Signs From The Universe. Went into the Apple store to play with one and see if it measured up to the hype, and Wow! We’ve been inseparable ever since. I use the actual phone part the least of anything.

        But I can’t get an iPad because I just got my Macbook Pro for a Bday/Christmas present a few months ago. It totally rocks.

    2. Meant to add, I’m pretty sure the Agile is a reconfigured BMW van. Which would help to explain its nosebleed price tag.
      Edited to add: Nope. Mercedes Benz engine.

  20. God I love your Random Sundays!!

    As for bad food, get thee some aluminum foil, tear off a large piece, turn the bowl upside down on the foil (bad food will land on the foil), wrap it up in the foil and throw it away. The foil will keep it from smelling in the garbage (yes, I do it – it works).

    1. I washed it. The tuna fish has gone to its reward and I used the clean bowl to make chocolate chip cookies. I had to. Lani would have tweeted about it forever.

  21. I HAVE an iPad and it is …simply the best! So, now besides Joss Whedon being a god, I’ll have to put Steve Jobs up there.

    Beautful, functional, perfect!

    Back to my iPad.

    1. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
      Writing Mollie now to see if she’ll let me raid the tax account. It’s just too painful.
      Oh, and congratulations, Alia. No, really, I’m happy for you.

  22. I’m so glad to see someone else loved Brittany’s, “Dolphins are gay sharks,” comment. My mother didn’t understand why I was hysterically laughing. My other personal favorite Brittany comment (although Kurt said it ABOUT Brittany) was “[Brittany] thinks the square root of four is rainbows.”

    1. I KNOW. It’s so true.
      Loved Kurt’s answer to the “How do you answer the phone?” survey, too. “No, she’s dead. This is her son.”

  23. Well whether you like white-on-white cake or not, you have to admit that Lani made it look damn delicious…too bad I wasn’t there b/c I would have gladly taken it off your hands and have eaten it on my way home. :o) And happy belated to Sweetness! Here’s to wishing for more bday cake that you most likely won’t eat. :o)

  24. I want an I-Pad too! I’ve been researching them on the web and asking people about them. And I want an camper – always have. Just got done with a EWR – SFO; SFO – PDX; PDX – EWR trip and hate, hate, hate flying. Not travel, just flying. Did I mention I hate it? Also, yellow cake with choclate frosting – what I ask for every birthday. Don’t care about the ice cream. Oh – and my sister had a dalmation, and every Easter, the dog would turn multi-colored – speckled with all the colors the Easter eggs were getting dyed. Wish I could post a picture for you to look at. Funniest thing you ever saw!

  25. I’m all for Creative Finance when it comes to wanting something that isn’t exactly in the budget. Surely an I-Pad would be a right off?
    (Yes it would and don’t call me Shirley.)

  26. LOL yeah, Kurt…actually all the Glee kids…are fabulous πŸ™‚ However, I am still waiting for them to exact retribution for the football players throwing slushies on them everyday. Because that cannot be allowed. Any thoughts on what they should do?

    1. They made them sing “Single Ladies” during a football game. It all evens out.
      And how great was Kurt’s dad in the stands? “That’s my boy!” I cried.

      1. I am so pleased of how the writers have handled that family. His dad is so sweet, he just has no clue how to relate to Kurt. I love that even though the characters can be a little extreme, they’re also completely believable. And I’ve always wanted to randomly break into song in daily life πŸ™‚

      2. Oh, and the part just before that when Kurt goes up for the kick and his dad says, “He’s so little.”. I love that scene as much as I do the one where all the cars and headlights start coming down the road in “Field of Dreams”.

        1. Yep, it’s one of my faves. That and “Bust the Windows.” LOVE that. But I cry at the football scene. There are so many great ones. Great, great show.

  27. I vote we all chip in $5 and buy Jenny an iPad, since she didn’t get a birthday present last year πŸ™‚
    We can’t have her distracted from her writing by all that WANTing.
    And thanks for the Sunday laughs, Jenny.

        1. Unfortunately, the tax fund is for income we’ve already received since the self-employed rarely know how much money they’re going to be making. So nope, will not lower income.
          Although I do think it’s deductible.

      1. Well, I meant to add that after we all chip in on yours, everyone has to chip in and get me one too. I turn 50 on the 28th…and I didn’t get anything for my birthday last year either πŸ™‚

  28. Afternoon, Ms. Crusie, I also ordered the iPad (3g) and yes, got the Apple Care. Aside from everyday use, I can’t wait to use it on car trips to keep my passenger busy. I don’t want to tell tales on anybody, but if there’s no audio book or really great music playing, SOMEONE gets a little nuts and starts doing things like channeling Heidi Montag (“Honey!!!! My new boobs are so HUGE, I can’t see my thighs! Are they still skinny? Cause if they grow, AT ALL, I’m going to get them lipoed!! Okay? OKAY???? Is my zipper up??? HONEY, don’t hit any more potholes! They fly up and then I can’t see ANYTHING!!!!) This was just a sample from yesterday – Today I’m off to the library to get some audio books. The only trouble is, she’s picky about what we listen to. See, I really need an iPad. It’s practically a necessity. Because now she has Brittany material, too.

    1. Ry, Honey – remember when we talked about boundaries? No? Didn’t think so. Anyway, the iPad really will be fun. And there’s Scrabble with iPhone tiles! I love Scrabble.

        1. You wouldn’t say that if you’d been at the wedding where he told his entire family that I call his Uncle Gary, “Uncle Garrulous”. I’m pretty sure his mother thinks about that every time she sees me. And whenever I see Uncle Gary, I want to disappear into the nearest closet.

    2. You told your family what she calls your Uncle – dude! Now they’re all wondering what she calls them! How could you?

      (Side note – I find this snortingly hilarious)

      1. A word of advice – if you’re ever at a wedding and they’re serving lychee martinis, say no thanks and go have a beer instead.

        1. I’m a bridesmaid in September and I’ll do whatever I can to remember this, even if I have to write it on the ribbon trim of the bouquet I might be carrying (bride’s still undecided on bouquets for us and of yes, will there be trim!)

  29. Beautiful blue eyes Birthday girl.

    I would read your grocery list too.

    Want an ipad too. Have waited to get a ebook reader, thinking this would be the best so far, even though I have an aversion to ebooks, and, the future will be dawning bright and early in 2013, perhaps all the glitches will be gone. Saw a technical news item saying a German company was bringing out something very similar to the ipad and you could write on it with a stylus. Will wait to see what happens with the German launch and possibly the next ipad. Can you write on the ipad? Our non-tech, corperate- watching-are-they-being-fair son just got an iphone, cannot live without now. Ha. Ha Big Guy finally got an MAC, cannot live without it either.

    Think I will go have a cup of tea on this fine Sunday and read my book; re-reading a few passages, turning the pages with a little lick of my finger, while the sun streams into the room. Happy Sunday.

    1. LOL, I love all these people who would read your grocery list, Crusie. Next time I’m downstairs, I’m ripping it off the fridge and publishing it! That’s where the iPad money will come from!

      I am a horrible enabler but SCRABBLE.

      WANT. For Jenny. πŸ™‚

  30. I’m gonna have to go with Sweetness on the cake thing. I love, love, love, looooooove chocolate. But, for some reason, when it comes to birthday cake, my favorite is white cake with white icing. Of course, Sweetness loses major points for not EATING the cake. You lose all your “It’s my birthday” bargaining chips with that one, kid. And, also, given a choice, I prefer the chocolate mousse cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory in lieu of cake, period…

  31. I want an iPad, too, but am waiting for the next generation… version 2 is always better than version 1, and usually cheaper. But I am wanting it NOW… along with an RV or a boat house…

    Thanks for the great post.

    1. Yes, but Apple usually kicks back the price difference.
      The real point for me is that the new ones are supposed to be out in September which is FOREVER. If it was June, I’d wait. Probably.
      Of course if Mollie protects the tax fund the way I think she’s going to, I’ll be waiting anyway.

      1. Oh, hell no. We’ve got stuff we can sell on eBay downstairs, turn those funds around in 7 days. Mollie never has to know…

  32. There are worse things than white cake with white icing (which I like). How about what I requested for my 16th birthday: cherry angel food cake with green icing. Apparently the bakers at the bakery wouldn’t do it, so it was white icing sprayed green, which looked ghastly. But tasted yummy! My family just gave up on doing my fave meal and bday cake and started taking me out for my bday after that.

  33. I’m with you on the cake Jenny – it’s gotta be chocolate. My hubby got me a cake for my birthday with chocolate sponge and the bottom, then milk chocolate mousse on top and then white chocolate mousse on top of that and then it was all covered in a yummy chocolate ganache. Chocolate heaven!! (Surprisingly, it wasn’t too sweet or sickly, which meant one could eat quite a lot of it before being sick).

    I’m pretty late to the Argh Ink party. Is there somewhere I can get a heads up on who Sweetness and Light (and the various other people mentioned) are? I’ve worked out that Mona is the dog with the green gills. I’m enjoying reading your posts but I think I’m missing out on something not knowing all the people …. Hints or a link would be greatly appreciated (then I can better appreciate the joy that is Argh Ink). thx!

    1. Hi, Kaetrin! Welcome to the dollhouse. I’m Lani, Jenny’s housemate, and Sweetness and Light are my kids; I moved in with Jenny when I left my husband last year, and it’s working so well, we’re pretty much Kate-and-Allie-ing it through life. We are not lesbians, notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat. Honestly, we’re not near that interesting. The five dogs are Wolfie, Veronica, Milton, Lyle and Mona. Lyle is named after Lyle Lovett. I did Tweet about the tuna, but because it was funny, not because I held a grudge. I have two cats, Daisy and Zoey. They like to kill mice and leave them on my bed.

      Oh, and you might also see references to Lucy; that is also me. I’m one of those multiple-identity authors. Krissie is Anne Stuart, the third in our best-friend triumvirate, and we adore her. She doesn’t live here (yet) but we’re working on it.

      I think that brings you up to date. Did I miss anything, Crusie?

      1. Mollie’s my daughter and business partner, the one who keeps me solvent and makes sure my retirement is not tapped for electronic toys and yarn.

        Maybe I should put up a cast page. I hesitate to monkey with the site because it’s designed pretty tightly but it might help. FAQ’s?
        I dunno. Argh People? Do we need FAQs? It’s not like we’re organized.

        If I had an iPad, I’d be organized.

        Edited to Add: Poll to the right. Over there. Somewhere.

        1. Thx so much! I’m putting it all together now. I saw some photos of Anne and Lani at the recent RT convention (you know, the one where Jenny couldn’t go – I heard she had syphillis – need to get some penicillin on that pretty quick or you lose your mind I hear – hope she’s not allergic). I wondered if you had all written The Unfortunate Miss Fortunes together but I can see on my copy that the 3rd author was Eileen Dryer – unless that’s another of Lani’s aliases? I can see that you’ve all written Dogs & Goddesses together – that’s on my tbr at Audible for when I get more credits.

          PS – I’m listening to Welcome to Temptation at the moment and I had a big chuckle when the reference to Bat Country came up!

  34. I was waiting for you to write a post about the iPad since 4/3. Thought you would write it on your new iPad. πŸ™‚
    Posted from my iPad. BEST TOY EVER!

      1. If it’s a consolation to you, there’s other people with unfulfilled needs too. My grandma used to quote a German poem which would roughly translate to “every wish, as soon as it comes true, will instantly breed a litter of new ones”. I admit, that’s not very helpful if the WANT has already started to chew on you. But it sounds very wise, doesn’t it?

        1. Oh, it is wise. I can do without most stuff because I’ve spent a lifetime accumulating stuff and now I’m drowning in it. It’s Apple that makes me insane. And the kicker is, I really do use my MacBook not only every day of my life but pretty much every waking hour. And the iPhone at least half a dozen times a day for things that having nothing to do with phoning or texting. So Mac remains my weakness. Like chocolate only not fattening. And helpful. The other thing is that I really could use an e-reader because the biggest problem with the clutter in this house after paper is books. I have hundreds of research books sitting around gathering dust. I put the ones I really need on the eReader and get rid of the rest, I suddenly have a house again.

          But not yet. Patience, grasshopper.

          1. A dear friend called me recently, on her iPhone, to rave about what a wonder it is… for three hours. She loves it so much that she told me she wants to marry it. That is some serious technology…

  35. That is the most awesome birthday cake ever and I am in awe of Lani’s fondant skills!!!
    Love your take on life!

  36. Priorities….Is your nephew single? How old? I always had a crush on Jane Goodall’s son, Grub, so I figure I can handle Grape too.

    I’m with Sweetness on the white cake. The only chocolate cake I like is my grandmother’s HoHo cake. And that’s because it has TWO icings! Two! Yum!

    Love the octopus. Hell, I’d’ve gone after my camera, too. I think. Maybe not. Some underwater critters are intimidating!

    1. Grape is single, healthy, employed, and owns his own home. He’s 33, give or take a year. (I’m a lousy aunt.) He also just bought a motorcycle, which is why you can hear screaming coming from Wapak.

        1. Well, he’s also stubborn and taciturn, but those are the qualities that enabled him to survive the family. He evidently also avoids cameras because the only pix I have of him are from high school and before. I’ll get one next time I go home.

          1. He’s not going to kill you. I’m a catch!

            Besides, unless he goes around introducing himself as “Grape”, we’ll never know!

            πŸ™‚

  37. That poll is rigged. When there’s only one answer including pictures AND cake, it’s rigged. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. πŸ˜‰

  38. It’s not me that needs an Ipad, no it’s Deena my cat. Who should have one as an I had to have surgery and was a good patient reward.

  39. Cakes okay, but ice cream? Heaven! I have an ice cream addiction. Ice cream cake is good too.

    Want an i-pad, rv, and Molly. My daughter is never going to keep me organized, much as I’d love her to. She’s going to be an engineer, patent lawyer, president – I’m not on her list of potential employers. Rats.

  40. I like how the desperate wanting of an iPad tied that post together. Usually I can’t sit still to finish a post that long, but that one kept on giving. Sweetness and Light sound AWESOME!

  41. I went with the glossary option on the poll because there was no option for “You should make it a Cast of Characters page.” With the pictures, of course. And cake. There should always be cake.

    Have you guys ever played with chocolate modeling clay in your cake decorating adventures? It’s easy to make and so much fun, and completely edible. If it weren’t for the inevitable resulting sugar high, I’d say it would be a great thing to do with S and L one day. πŸ™‚

  42. I know exactly how you can get enough money for an iPad. Paint a pig on a suitcase and put it up on eBay. Repeat until goal is achieved. (-: And Lani can go with those aniskele-whatsises. House full of artistic talent!

    BTW, I love, love, love white cake, but only after it has been frozen, and half-thawed. Not nearly as delicious when it is completely thawed. My little girl has a b-day Wednesday, and she wants chocolate jelly roll cake filled with Baskin Robbins Cookies ‘n’ Cream ice cream. Probably topped with melted chocolate, and a big 14 candles . . . where *does* the time go?

    1. Oooh! That IS brilliant. I was thinking of the start suitcase Tuesday night when I had to run to the store to find something for my daugher to take to Atlanta. It had to be small because they were also loading orchatra and band equipment. It was late enough that I didn’t bother decortaing it, but she’s back now…

  43. Your random Sunday blogs are always so funny (of course, I come here often when I need a laugh, anyway)
    That said, I believe I may be the only person in the world who does not want an iPhone or an iPad . . . but, I really do worry about being “too” connected.

    Oh! But the real reason I’m writing — it occurred to me this afternoon (when I should have been writing myself) that I hadn’t seen a Monday Ticker in a few weeks. Are we done with that, or is it coming back?

    1. Oh, hell. I forgot. Well, I’m old.
      I’ll set it up to come back next Monday. Wait, that’s tomorrow. Uh, I’ll get back to you on that.

  44. I am usually pretty good at resisting new electronic gadgets, but even I have looked longingly at the iPad, and I’m not even sure what all it does! My friend has had a couple different generations of the iPhone and since he is a techno geek he has totally hacked it and is able to use it on T-Mobile and has all these neat apps on it–too cool!! So if the iPad does all the things the iPhone does except make calls, I am thinking I may have to have one after all. Affording it–well, that’s a whole ‘nother ball game!

    But Jenny, couldn’t you write it off as a work-related expense and get a break on your taxes? I mean, you ARE a writer, and it is something you can write on wherever you are at and I assume you can email documents/pages of WIP to publishers/editors as needed. Plus it would help you be more organized and keep you on track for deadlines, etc. Definitely a must-have. Really. Trust me on this.

    I may try and convince my hubby that the money we are saving on not feeding me (gastric bypass patient here, eat teaspoonfuls not plates of food now) could be put away and used for an iPad for me, since I am saving so much money on the grocery bill! You think he may go for it? Nah, me either!

    But I am serious about checking into the feasability of an iPad being a tax write-off. Heck, Lani AND Jenny could each get one and then there won’t be any fighting over it either… Why yes, I am an enabler–why would you ask?! πŸ™‚

  45. Cut the cake in horizontal slices and layer it thickly with chocolate spread, crushed tinned pineapple and whipped cream. You’ll never even notice the white cake.

    You can make anything taste great if you add enough stuff to it.

  46. I’m still hankering for a mini net book and an e-book reader. The DH has started researching e-books to make sure that all his books are available.
    Chocolate syrup on the white/white cake.

  47. I have a travel trailer parked in my driveway. Sometimes, I sneak out there and read/write/nap. My people do not disturb me because they believe I am cleaning/straightening/organizing the things in the trailer, and do not want to be put to work.

    I want an iPad. But I’m too lazy to work enough to buy one.

    Great post as usual.

  48. Ha! Well at least you have the option of going out and buying an iPad. Here in Yurp, not even pre-orders AND it’s been postponed because so many people have been buying them in the US that there aren’t enough for us…sob. I want one. I WANT ONE.

  49. Just a note: DO NOT SEND MONEY. Jeez, it’s a budgeting thing, I’ll get one eventually. You all drop a ton of money on my books, sending me more $ so I can have a toy would be criminal. It was supposed to be funny, not a plea for cash. DO NOT SEND MONEY.

    Thank you. You may resume your usual snarking now.

    1. Starting around the time I was sixteen, every time I would go to my grandmother’s house to visit, she would take me around and show me all of her newest acquisitions. She loved to decorate, and always had tons of new stuff.

      The problem became that every time I said, β€œHow lovely!” or β€œYes, those curtains are fabulous!” she would immediately insist upon giving them to me. Right there, off her wall or shelf. It became like walking a tightrope- if I didn’t express admiration, she was hurt, but if I expressed too much approval, she was loading the stuff into my car. I had to be so very careful of every word that came out of my mouth. I got pretty boring.

      The situation seems a bit similar here, and God forbid we should force Jenny into a boring little box. I vote we don’t offer to do anything but buy her books and fawn over her writing, and she can publicly drool over whatever electronic gadgets she wants without having to fear that we’ll be loading the stuff into her car.

      1. Jennifer- OH MY GOD, that’s Jenny. She’s been cleaning out for a while now. The first time I came to visit, any time I complemented her on something, she’d say, “You want it?” It got to the point where if Krissie or I touched anything she’d say, “You touched it! You take it!” Finally, I just had to move in. It still happens, she just makes me take it upstairs. πŸ™‚

  50. When I really want something that I know I shouldn’t spend money on, I bribe myself into doing something I’ve been putting off. It’s materialistic, but productive.

  51. I am reading my first Jennifer Crusie novel and had a hard time putting it down this morning to go to work…. all I can think about is “Bet Me” lying in wait for after work…

  52. That’s all you know, Diane. As soon as you’ve finished it, it will make you buy all its brothers and sisters, just to provide its mommy with money to buy new toys. Oh, and food.

  53. A friend just sent me this:

    Craving: Oooo, that new tablet is on sale now!
    Dependence: I don’t know what I’d do without my tablet!
    Tolerance: Sure wish this thing had a USB port.
    Repeat: Oooo, A new smart phone is coming out!

  54. I don’t yearn for an Ipad (though I dearly love my new netbook) but I would definitely bid on a Genuine Crusie decorated suitcase πŸ™‚

    And what is it about birthday cake? My son has very strict requirements but after a few years of doing as he asked and having him reject the cake anyway, now I go with majority rule on his birthday.

    The camera? The octopus would have gotten mine – I probably would have thrown it at him in terror!

  55. ah, jenny, i love you. i found ‘glee’ through you and for that alone (notwithstanding the books, which have gotten me through more than one mental breakdown), i’ll owe you forever.

    note: i watch ‘glee’ on hulu.com ’cause i’m never home to see it on tv. or i forget. i’m not good at remembering when tv shows are on. so if you miss it, they have the last 5 episodes online.

    and i found ways of using the dolphins as gay sharks line more than once today. it’s okay, my coworkers already thought i was nuts. i just bought a t-shirt that says “i scare my own family” on it. it would be funnier if it weren’t true.

    i LOVE my iphone. it is a love that is strong and true and possibly not natural for an electronic device but it’s SO wonderful. ibookshelf is probably my fave app, or eucher. or flylooping (you capture butterflies by drawing circles around them). or harbormaster. hmm. this is tough. i LOVE my iphone enough that thinking of the ipad makes me feel disloyal. and also of tampax – who came up with that stupid name? but mostly disloyal.

    anywho, the cake looks GREAT… and you should be coloring mona pink. maybe several shades, like camo. that would rock.

    so grape is single? hmm. (why do i feel slightly disloyal to the iphone again? i think i need to delete that robot pickup lines app…)

  56. Nothing better than being raised by dachshunds!

    As a person who spent hours of her vacation yesterday in the Apple store pondering whether to make the great leap to a Mac when she replaces her almost dead laptop, I think that the Apple dedication here has just toppled me off of the fence!

  57. Love your blogg, your brain runs much like my own. They have medication for that now. So anyway just had to say, last summer I read all the Jenifer Cruise I could get my hands on, and of course being a teacher haven’t read a lick of fun stuff since August 28th. Come on last day of school 34 days. Any how a friend was asking me for a reccomendation for summer reading and I started to reccomend you…..but sad to say couldn’t remember your name. LOL. One book title that I thought stuck in my brain was Alice and the Hitman, yah I know, I know. So anyway, last night, I am laying in bed trying to fall asleep when suddenly, “Jennifer Cruise!” A break through, so while my girls were brushing their teeth (actually having water fight in bathroom and messing up their school clothes) I looked you up, found out about Agnes and hit on this awesome blogg site. Thanks for sharing your humor!

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