Random Sunday, Drama Queen Edition

We have a new pet, sort of: Walter, the dumbest squirrel in the forest. He got his name after we watched him speed around the deck with five barking dogs after him, never thinking to jump onto one of the zillion trees around the deck. Or as Lani said, “Poor Walter. Never was the same after he got hit with that walnut.” (This place gets bombarded by walnuts in the fall; sounds like the house is being shelled.) My introduction to Walter came when I was crocheting in the living room and saw this squirrel leap for a branch, miss, and plummet to the deck. Did I mention, a zillion trees? You’d have to work hard to miss them all, but Walter managed it. Then the dogs went crazy (“SQUIRREL!”) and Walter jumped up on a table where they couldn’t get him, and the dogs surrounded him. Now Walter has some options. He can run along the wide railing and jump on a tree. He can jump off the table and onto the narrow decking under the window that the dogs can’t get to. He can leap for one of the zillion branches that are right beside him. Or he can leap down into the middle of the dogs. Guess which one Walter picked? It was such an astoundingly stupid move that the dogs just looked at him and then at each other, like “This isn’t it right, must be a trick.” Then Walter staggered over and fell through the railing. I’d say his days are numbered, but clearly God loves the little rat. Either that or he does it on purpose because he loves the drama. We get a lot of that around here.

In general, typos make me itch, but there are some I love. Krissie sent us an e-mail that said that she likes oatmeal in the mornings because it feels her up. We went for days on that one. My second favorite typo was from Alyssa Day. We were working on the earliest drafts of Dogs and Goddesses and, well here’s the transcript:

Alesia H. :Angel met Ian before
at a bar when she was drab mousy Angelica
sp tjat
so that’s not a problem
Jenny C. Who’s sp tjat?
Lani D. I dunno. Sounds mesopotamian to me.
Alesia H. that’s mesopotamian for bite me

Now whenever I see “tjat,” I think “Mesopotamian for ‘bite me.'” Cheers me right up.

Light went to the circus and saw a man shot out of a cannon. She wasn’t terribly impressed. Light likes violence with her explosions and evidently being shot out of a cannon doesn’t do much damage to the shot-ee. Meanwhile Sweetness refused to go because she went to You Tube and saw clips of Pennywise the Clown who eats children. Sweetness is a smart child and knows that Pennywise is not real, which means he is not at the circus. But she also knows the dramatic potential in rolling back her eyes and saying, “Pennywise eats children!” is huge, so she’s going with that.

Best Title Ever: Hot Tub Time Machine. I could write the hell out of that. It’s right up there with Snakes on a Plane and Expecting Someone Taller.

Ever since Lani came downstairs at 3AM and said, “There’s a bird loose upstairs,” I’ve been tormenting her with bat jokes. At the time all I said was, “At 3AM?” and then I went upstairs and got rid of the bat for her while she hid moaning under her blanket like the drama queen she is. But for Halloween I got her a Skelanimals Diego:
Skelanimals pic2
and I also sent her to the FU Penguin blog since it had a great post on cute baby bats (no, really, look and then click on the Oh shit link). Someday the hilarity of this will pall, but for right now, she’s getting bats.

Lani and I have been pedal-to-the-metal on our books lately, so we haven’t been doing much family stuff, much to the disgust of Sweetness and Light. We did break down and go to Outback the other night which Sweetness objected to before we even ordered, and Light adored because the waiter gave her three big glasses of Sprite, which never, ever happens at home. Plus, huge sundaes for dessert which was even winning Sweetness around until she suddenly shrieked and then spit her ice cream into her napkin. “There’s something horrrrrrrrrrrrrrrible in there,” she said, her face bleak with betrayal. I looked at what was on the napkin, which did nothing to improve my sundae, and said, “Maybe it’s coconut. Your mom and I had coconut on our sundaes, maybe some got on yours.” “Why?” Sweetness said. “Why, why, why would they do that?” (Yes, she actually said that. Sweetness makes Drama Queens look calm and reasonable.) So from now on when we go to Outback, she’s going to stay in the car and die of the heat after eating old french fries off the floor that the dogs have probably licked because she would rather do that than ever go back inside Outback again. Meanwhile, Light is preparing to move in permanently because when she told the nice waiter she hadn’t gotten a cherry on her sundae, he brought her two. Best restaurant ever. Then in the car we talked about why we wouldn’t give them the correct spelling for “whore” or even tell them what it meant. “It’s inappropriate,” Lani said primly, which wasn’t all that convincing since she’d just used it which is why they were asking. “I’ll find out,” Sweetness said darkly, and I figure it’ll give her something to do while she’s eating french fries off the floor because we’re going back to Outback. The coconut sundae was delicious.

Lyle scared the hell out of all of us last year. (Did we already talk about this? I can’t remember.) One afternoon about four, I looked up from my computer and realized I hadn’t seen him since I’d fed him at lunch. All of us–Lani, Krissie, Sweetness, Light, me–went looking for him, but the little rat was nowhere to be found. And since the house is conveniently located between a highway and a river, the possibilities for disaster were endless. Then Lani looked in the elevator shaft and saw him lying there unmoving with a Goldfish bag on his head. Those bags are heavy duty, lined with foil, and about exactly the size of Lyle’s head, so when he went after the crumbs at the bottom, he jammed it on his skull. Then, as we reconstruct it, he staggered to the top of the stairs, fell down the whole flight and flailed his way into the elevator shaft where he struggled with the bag until he became exhausted and just laid there. Lani found him stretched out and freaked, but as soon as she ripped the bag off his head, he perked right up. As she said, by that time the bag had been licked clean but it was full of dachshund head sweat; it must have been like a mini-sauna in there. Lyle is now just fine and obviously no wiser from the experience, but we have learned and will now be treating Goldfish bags like chicken bones.

In the same e-mail with the oatmeal news, Krissie said that Goldfish were her nemesis. I told her that I’d have thought it was the groping oatmeal that was her worst problem, but to watch out for the Goldfish because they’d tried to kill Lyle. Well, it was early in the morning. I don’t really come alive until about midnight.

I did mock-ups for a couple of Fairy Tales Lies covers while I was waiting on e-mails and phone calls last week. Lani looked at one of them I’d borrowed (we’d buy it if we were going to use it for sure) from iStockPhoto and said, “BATS!” I hadn’t even noticed the bats. I think she’s sensitive or something. I mean, really, when you look at this, is “Bats!” the first thing you think of?

No, that’s not the real book cover, we haven’t written or sold the book yet. I just get bored on “Hold.”

I love that font, by the way. It’s called Prime Minister of Canada and it’s free; google for it and you’ll find several places with free downloads.

I’m still cleaning. I’ll be cleaning when they sound the last trump. But the stuff I’m finding, it’s like archaeology. I’m going down layers in my life, looking at things and thinking, “I bought this for why?” And that’s just the clothes. I think I look at clothes and think, “If I wear this, I’ll be that kind of person,” and then I get it home and since I’m not that kind of person, I never wear it. Basically, I’m the kind of person who wears pajamas a lot. Which means all those cute shoes are worthless. One pair of bunny slippers and I’d be set for life.

Mona is lop-sided. Or lop-fronted. She’s four times the weight she was when we got her, but her back end is probably only about twice the size, so all her weight is in front. When she leans forward to pick something up from the ground, her back legs go up and she does a handstand. Pawstand. Whatever. You can see the shadows under her back legs in the picture because her feet back there are a couple of inches off the ground.

I’m a little worried about her but she seems not to care. And let me tell you, she has the shoulders of a Sumo wrestler.

This is another mock-up for Fairy Tale Lies, using an image (with her permission; thank you, Lou!) from Louise Robinson’s Art & Ghosts.

I’m not sure why this one looks like a fairy tale cover to me, but it does. (Plus, it’s from Lou’s “Fairytales” portfolio, so that’s a clue, too.) All of the work on that site is lovely, so you should go see it.

I mean, wouldn’t you buy that book? It’s gorgeous.

I’ve also started to clean the double downstairs (Light’s term for the first floor) and while I was dragging out an old floor lamp, I looked into the shade and saw a dead baby bat. Very pathetic. I said something like, “Urp!” and Light who was standing at the top of the stairs said, “What?” and I said, “Dead baby bat,” thinking she’d run screaming which was dumb because this is Light we’re talking about. She said, “Let me see!” and I tipped the lamp and showed her and she yelled, “Sweetness, come here!” and Sweetness came running and said, “Cool, a dead bat,” and then she yelled for her mother. Lani said, “What? What?” as she hit the top of the stairs, and Sweetness pointed and said, “It’s a dead baby bat!” and Lani said, “Why? Why? Why would you show me that?” All I’m saying is, the nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.

And neither does Walter.

84 thoughts on “Random Sunday, Drama Queen Edition

  1. Re: Walter the stupid squirrel: There’s a small zoo in Folsom, CA (just across the river from us) that has mostly native species (plus a couple of rescued tigers) and there’s a lovely, large cage with…. squirrels. there’s a brain-damaged one who can’t climb and one who is missing most of its teeth. It cracks me up EVERY time we go there and we’ve been a lot because it’s just the right size for small kids. Sometimes natural selection has the right idea. Back where I come from, we’d make stew.

    1. Folsom California?? You’ve got to be kidding me. I practically grew up on Folsom Lake and never saw that zoo! (Of course we LIVED in the other direction.) I’d like to live on whatever wormhole you’ve got access to. I’d get home to CA a lot more than I do now!

      Very funny post, btw. My family, who are watching The Third Indiana Jones for the umpteeth time, keep shushing me! Apparently I laugh too loud.

  2. Last summer I found a dead squirrel at the base of a tree. Looks like he fell and broke his neck. He might be Walter’s cousin.

    Thanks for my Sunday laugh at your random thoughts. I’m going to have to visit again.

  3. If the Pennywise clown on UTube is the same Pennywise the Clown played by Tim Curry in the tv mini-series of “It” by Stephen King, I don’t blame her for her circus aversion. In fact, I’m there, too, far away from the Big Top. NO CLOWNS! BAD CLOWNS! Tim Curry scared the pants off of me in that role. He was so horrifically, chillingly evil.

    I love the cover of Fairy Tale Lies using Louise Robinson’s “Art & Ghosts”. The symmetry of the skirt and hat is perfect. And the colors – the stockings match the blood drops. Perfect! Getting that font.

  4. oh, geez, I needed that laugh, thank you.

    I feel for poor Walter. This reminded me of the time that I heard something knock at the front door and I couldn’t see anything out of the window. I (stupidly) opened the door and two dogs I have never seen before in my life came rushing in like Satan was about to take their very last doggie treat and I was the only one who could save them. They swarmed around me, jumping and tongues lolling and tails wagging and then they suddenly spied the cat. Off they went, making the loop (with my dog joining in, not having a clue why she was running) from foyer through the office, the kitchen, the living room, back to foyer, running hellbent and the cat, too entirely stupid to jump up on any of the hundred pieces of furniture, barely staying inches in front of them, and then me, who claims to actually have a brain, making the laps with them. I think I’d made four laps chasing after them, trying to stop the carnage before it dawned on me, “Hey, stupid, close the doors.” Which I did, thus ending the grand fun. They sat and looked at me like, “Cool. When can we do this again?”

    Maybe I got hit by walnuts.
    That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

      1. Annie, when I called the owners, they claimed their dogs were safe and sound in their house, but they thanked me for calling. I gave them the descriptions of the dogs and they agreed that it sounded like their dogs, but truly, the husband had *just* played with them, and they were in the back yard. I pointed out that I had called her from the number on the dogs’ tags and she finally said, “Oh. Really? Um. Wait a minute.” And then checked and came back, horrified. “Ohmygod, those are our dogs!”

        I was beginning to see where the dogs got their traits from.

        They were mortified when they realized the dogs had bulldozed into my house, but honestly, except for exhausting the cat and getting my heartbeat up, they hadn’t done any harm. I’d have rather had them in my house than loose on the street where they could get hit. They were prompt in getting them and the dogs haven’t ever been back, so I guess they solved the escape route. Or maybe the dogs are just snatching the keys and driving now. I wouldn’t be surprised.

          1. When I was in grade school, a long, long time ago, my dad would come home for lunch every day. When he sat down for lunch, a squirrel would jump up on the sill outside of out kitchen and knock on the window. She actually knocked. He would give her some of his sandwich. This went on for several years until the neighbors had their tree cut down. This was the same squirrel that let the cat chase her up and over the picnic table, again and again until the cat was exhausted, then she would walk away. Smart squirrel.

  5. There should be a warning on Random Sunday’s to not read while drinking Pepsi. I know, I know. I should know better by now. But, why? Why,why, why would you do that to me??

    Sorry, couldn’t resist. πŸ™‚

  6. It’s SO HARD to read this and giggles without waking hubby from his Sunday nap. I think I hurt myself! But if I want to sleep late in the AM, and I DO, I must let him nap. But, snort, this is the best! Love the drama!

  7. Since when is groping oatmeal a problem? What’s not to love about getting felt up in the morning? Kind of sets the tone for the whole day. Love my oatmeal.

  8. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I really really needed a laugh right now, actually I needed to even smile and this post made me do both.

    I am patiently waiting for Wild Ride as a birthday gift, well it better be a birthday gift or I’m gonna be so mad I waited….so maybe, waiting not so patiently as I asked my cousin if I was getting books. (Gotta love having a cousin close in age, we always told each other what we were getting as kids and it still works at 24!)
    Thanks again!!!

  9. You send Walter on up here. My dog is no threat. She (a Lab) got beaten up by a kitten this very morning. No joke.

  10. LOL.

    I love the two cover placeholders. The second one looks like a fairy tale because Tim Burton and Henry Selick make sense. πŸ™‚ I just absolutely love this style. I doubt TB & HS were first ones to do so, but Nightmare Before Christmas really introduced me to it. (I was five. The movie was a big hit.) But blogs like Coliandre have great stuff in a similar style. And thanks for the link above.

  11. I love Random Sundays. <3

    As a Canadian, I have to tell you that the Prime Minister of Canada font is … not well named. I can't think of a less fitting font for our PM. Maybe for the Governor General on a light-hearted day though.

    I would definitely buy the second book cover. Luscious.

    1. I agree! I spent a couple of minutes staring at that font going “WHICH Prime Minister?”

      I’d buy Trudeau. Or Mackenzie King. Or Sir John A. They were all a little offbeat.

      But the covers are lovely.

      1. on Sir John A’s, all the verticals could be bottles and the horizontals railroad tracks. History through typography–gotta love it.

  12. “This place gets bombarded by walnuts in the fall; sounds like the house is being shelled. ”

    Okay, that gets the award for the worst pun of the day. πŸ™‚

  13. I think I met the crow version of Walter when I was in high school. I spent a summer volunteering at a bird rehabilitation center let me tell you, that was an experience. Between the peacocks who would shake their tailfeathers at everthing (each other, trees, bushes, screaming toddlers…) and the baby chimney swifts who became a living vest every time I fed them, I didn’t think I would have a favorite. But this poor crow lived at the center because he was so dumb that he couldn’t fend for himself in the wild. We had to hand feed him the chunky wet dog food, and sometimes he would mistake our thumb for a piece of food. Didn’t hurt, but it was a riot to feel him trying to figure out how to get it to detach. I miss that bird…

    As to your bunny slippers, PLEASE please please tell me you’ve got a pair of killer bunny slippers from ThinkGeek. If not, you of all people should get a pair. πŸ™‚ http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/plush/8148/

  14. And of course I miss a period on a post that starts out talking about typos. (That sentence doesn’t sound good, but I can’t think of a better way to phrase it…argh.)

    Please forgive the lack of punctuation between “center” and “let.” I can proofread. Really. Just apparently not well or at all today.

  15. Ok, I just have to ask. I naively assumed that all writerly-types are word/grammar/spellings FREAKS such as myself, so I can’t imagine that Krissie used “feel” rather than “fill” by accident. (The incident has given me a whole new appreciation for my morning fiber, though!)

    Am I completely wrong – are there some writers who are not proficient at grammar/spelling or was she just messin’ with you all?

    1. Oh Gosh, are you kidding? I can’t spell to save my life, and I figure if it works in speech (my speech, btw, not correct english) then it works in print. Wrong. I know. But hey, I got bigger fish to fry, and that’s what line editors and beta readers are for.

  16. Kathleen, I was wondering if there were any particular PM they had in mind.

    I was not, fortunately drinking, but was nearly choking with laughter over the drama queens. They eyes, they watered.

    I liked both covers, with a possible preference for the first one, but definitely got a Tim Burton feel from the second. I think I liked the first better because a) trees, bats, a castle, what’s not to like? and b) the second is black, red and white. Not a color combination to which I am attracted. Dramatic, I grant you, but very distancing. For me, anyway.

    OH, the Joss Whedon/ Twilight image was terrific.

    1. All right, this silliness has to stop. πŸ˜‰ Trust me, everyone has typos. EVEN JENNY. No, really. I mean, not often. Usually she just mocks our typos, but really. Don’t sweat it. Skip a period, toss a comma, sp tjat all over the place. The former English teacher will NOT plotz.

      Right, Jen? πŸ˜‰

      1. Did you just tell us “Bite me all over the place”?

        No idea if those quotes go before or after.

      2. I’m not worried about Jenny plotzing. I’m trying to control people’s perception of me by saying what I mean and not mortify myself by messing up.

        I never claimed not to have issues!

      3. Oh, dear god, yes. As I once said back at OSU, people who copy edit e-mail and blog comments are the same people who correct grammar at a kegger. Not Our Kind.

  17. Your squirrel reminds me of my bluebird. For some reason there is this insane bluebird who hurls itself at my french doors. It’s not because it sees its reflection – it does it even when the curtains are closed. I’m tolerant except when it is doing its hurling thing at 5 or 6 am.
    I love the second cover!

  18. First of all, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!! I so needed a prolonged chuckle. And that was a non-stop chuckle, I feel refreshed and energized!!

    Secondly, I love the Art and Ghosts cover. It looks like a Tim Burton movie poster. From the excerpt of Lani’s Rapunzel story, I could see Tim Burton turning it into a movie.

    Lastly – I noticed the bats right off. Sorry.

  19. Baaaaaaaaaaawahahahahahaha! Really too much to comment on — I guffawed through the entire thing. And seriously, we need to make sure my heathens never meet up with Sweetness & Light or it may cause the Apocalypse. Absolutely not an exaggeration.

  20. I think “Crows!” when I look at that cover. Sort of.

    But I empathize entirely with the dreadful bat fear. My one and only bat encounter was in the locker room of a hotel. I was showering after swimming, and there were about eight other middle-aged ladies there, when a bat swooped in and started dive-bombing our heads.

    The panic was instant and total. We all fled in a large, screaming group. We nearly ran naked into the lobby. But, luckily for us and the folks in the lobby, the bat flew out the door ahead of us, so we turned and ran screaming back into the locker room.

    Mass hysteria. Chaos. All the kids in the locker room laughed themselves silly, of course.

  21. This is a little off color, but the best verbal typo I’ve ever made was when I was a freshman in college and someone asked where a certain friend of mine was and I replied “Oh, he’s in his room procrastibating.” That joke stayed funny for years.

  22. I’m laughing to hard to comment coherently. I don’t think I can ever eat oatmeal again without doing a spit take at the memory of this post.

  23. Nope, I don’t see a single bat. Ya’ll just have bats on the brain. Those are birds. When you cut out as many bats as I have for halloween decorations you never confuse the two. I prefer the first cover. I like the evil disney queen look. It reinforces the “happily ever after comes at a price” feel. For some reason the second one reminds me of illustrations in a Shel Silverstein book, or maybe a book of limericks I have in my library. (something about an old man with animals in his beard?) Oh well. Doesn’t really matter, if Jenny writes it, I buy it. Regardless of the cover.

  24. Hee, hee. Thanks for the Sunday chuckle.

    I sent my boss and email once, asking if I could hire a couple of students to help us with a project. He responded, “We’re not allowed to do that to students.” I was confused until I realized I had accidentally spelled hire with an “o” instead of an “i”. I make a lot of typos, thank the saints for spellcheck.

  25. Poor Walter. Love those Random Sundays. LOVE the FU Penguin site. The Oh Shit link was priceless.I laughed so hard I startled the cat out of the window.

    And Sierra, I am wearing those Monty Python rabbit slippers right now. The cure for what ails you. Love. Them!

  26. I’m with Sweetness – why, why, why would someone do that to a perfectly good sundae?

    Hilarious post.

  27. I know I’ve already commented twice – this post (and comments) are hilarious – but my husband just told me I was being disruptive and I thought I was being quiet. I don’t know why I thought you all should know that, but I did. This is all just too dang funny. Including my husband, even though he doesn’t know it.

  28. “Random Sunday, the Drama Queen Edition”

    when are they ever not the drama queen edition?

  29. You kill me. How can your random ramblings be both funnier and more interesting than most of the published books I read? (Or anything I write, damn it.) How? How?

    And I have a not-very-bright cat who once got her head through the handle of a plastic grocery store bag and ran around the house for 15 minutes as if Satan himself were behind her. I finally got the thing off her, and two days later, I just barely stopped her from doing it again. So I hide the plastic bags. And her daugher, Magic the Cat, has a thing about rubber bands. If I leave one lying around, she drags it to her water dish, drops it in, then spends ages trying to fish it back out again–creating a watery mess in the process. So I have to hide the rubber bands, too. Maybe it would be easier to just hide the cats…

    Thanks for the Sunday laughs. It improved my day no end.

  30. I’m not sure if it was the way you told it, or just how my brain works, but I could picture your Walter story perfectly. And yes, there may have been a bit of Technicolor cartoonishness to it. I loved it!

    Hope Veronica still loves the power of the door, and good luck to her on learning how to go the other way through it. πŸ™‚

  31. I love Random Sunday! Poor Walter.
    I like the second cover, it’s very dramatic, so it’s well suited to a drama queen or three. And being felt up by oatmeal? Well, all I can say is I knew something was missing from my life, damn those cold Cheerios.

  32. The post. The comments. My eyes are all teared up. I can barely breathe. Thank god I live alone or someone would be calling the people with the butterfly nets! Best. Post. Ever. (including comments) Thank you one and all! (And screw the punctuation. It’s conversation.)

  33. Too funny. All of it. My squirrel anecdote which ends with a guy in a trenchcoat telling my ex-boyfriend, “You can’t catch ’em like that. They’re real fast.” would not apply to Walter. Here’s hoping he’s just stupid and not sick.

    I like both covers – the first has a great Maleficent feel to it that anchors it to the fairy tale theme (with dark, non-bat birds), but something about the second one just works.

    I’d feel more for Sweetness if there was cilantro the devil weed on her sundae instead of coconut because coconut is fantastic. (Of course, there are people who claim that far from tasting like shampoo, cilantro tastes fantastic, so maybe I have some sympathy. I’d still take her sundae from her though.)

    The dead bat story reminds me of my first job. My neighbors would pay me $1/ mouse to throw out any trapped mice in their basement. As flight attendants flying to Japan, they could handle some pretty rank cigars (back in the day), baby diapers from strangers kids, and filled motion sick bags, but the dead mice were not in their job description. I was all, “I’m getting paid money to pick this up in a plastic bag and put it in the trash? Sweeeet!”

      1. Oh, I know this one! Apparently it has to do with some digestive enzyme that you either have or not as to whether cilantro is wonderful stuff or whether it tastes like soap.

        Same sort of thing as to whether asparagus makes your pee smell funny or not πŸ™‚

        1. I love cilantro. Does not taste like soap to me. And I adore asparagus. Although I never had it much until a few years ago, and the first time I peed afterward, I thought something had died in the wall behind my toilet. Seriously, looked for the dead thing.

          Why do I feel like I’m oversharing?

          1. Meh, it’s not that much oversharing. πŸ˜‰ Not as bad as last night when I was telling my boyfriend how a particular energy drink made me wonder just when, exactly, I’d ingested yellow highlighter ink.

          2. I’d read about the asparagus aftereffects in a Tom Robbins novel before I actually at the stuff without coersion (roughly 25 years of mom making me take a “no thank you bite” and I can now eat it to be polite, and on rare occasions because it tastes good) so I had fair warning, at least. I now take a health supplement that has the same effect – slightly different smell, but the same intensity – when it’s being metabolized so I don’t take it as often as I probably should. mmm TMI.

          3. I know this weird thing, and I NEVER get to tell anyone: everyone’s pee smells funny (nasty) after eating asparagus, but some people don’t have the gene that can smell it.

            I, personally, am not entirely rational in the presence of coconut.

          4. Huh. As far as I can tell, asparagus has no effect on my pee whatsoever–which is good, because I love it (and grow it). Cilantro, though–ugh. I also do not see the appeal. Just seems like bitter weeds to me. And not in a good way.

        2. I gather there is some controversy on the asparagus thing. Option A: asparagus makes certain people’s pee smell funny. Option B: asparagus makes EVERYONE’s pee smell funny, but not everyone can actually smell it.

          I don’t think anyone has volunteered to do the controlled experiment that would settle this question, however. (Lucy? I see your overshare and raise you an overthink.)

      2. I’m in the “no cilantro” camp (I think it tastes like dirt, my mother thinks it tastes like toothpaste, but my sister likes it, so maybe she gets the enzyme from our dad), but love coconut.

  34. Hoo well done, brava! I just read the entire post to The Prince and we both laughed so hard we cried. Thank you for the much needed funny.

    PS – totally not bats.

  35. LOL! I wanted to join the tiny club that says, “Them’s birds.” Ravens, I think.

    Very random, very fun Sunday!

    1. Oh, they’re absolutely birds. But when I see black things flying against a night sky, I think, “Bats!” Plus, it’s a running joke around here. I jump at it whenever given the chance.

  36. Micki, I think that you’re right, now that I look more closely. Crows or ravens – either of which is much more morbid than a bat. Bats usefully eat bugs (lots of them, including mosquitoes), but crows and ravens are carrion feeders, so very post-fairy tale.

    1. I am so happy to hear someone else defend bats. I love them. Round here people put up those purple martin houses to cut down on mosquitos. I keep telling them, purple martins eat butterflies. It’s bats that eat mosquitos and lots of them. An adult bat can eat 2000 mosquitos a day!

  37. We have horrible bat issues at our house too, but I think Jenny is having more fun with it than I am πŸ™‚

    Don’t feel bad Lani. When I look up in into the sky in the evening, the first thing I see is BATS!

  38. This just made my Monday. And it’s really hard not to laugh too loud here at work.

    My cat has a thing for birds, so he sits on the table in front of the living room window and gets ready to pounce. He’s only smacked into the window a couple times. Nope, not the brightest feline in the world.

    Thems birds, not bats. But I’m not a fan of bats either. One encounter when I was a kid and my sister and I hid under the blankets while my father valiantsly fought against the beast with a broom.

  39. I’m confused. If you’ve already done one book with Lani as Lani, why is she using the Lucy March name for this one?

    1. Allie – because I’m now writing under the Lucy March name, so that’s who I am professionally from now on. Until I have to change it again.

      Publishing is a weird, weird business.

    2. Lani has a new deal to write paranormal romance for Jen Enderlin as Lucy March. Fairy Tale Lies is paranormal romance. Therefore it makes more sense to put “Lucy March” on there than it does to put “Lani Diane Rich.”

      1. Oh, thank the gods! Here I am thinking…how many people does she have living in her house, anyway???? But now that I know that Lani is Lucy and vice versa…whew.
        And definitely birds πŸ™‚

  40. I live in Florida and a few years ago I heard scratching at my front door. I thought it was my cat, so I opened it up…and there was a five-foot-long green lizard with LARGE claws scratching at the door. Turned out it was the neighbor’s pet that managed to jimmy the lock on the pen and get out. There were actually two of them – and they eventually escaped into surburbia. We have a lot of them in the southern part of the state – there were several news stories this year about them freezing in the trees and falling to the ground, where unwary tourists pick them up and put them in their cars. Of course, once they warm up – they start moving again. It’s always exciting here!

    I thought they were ravens on the first cover, too.

  41. ” Now whenever I see β€œtjat,” I think β€œMesopotamian for β€˜bite me.’” Cheers me right up”
    LOL! Tjat is actually a real word. It is the Swedish word for nagging. I suppose some times you want to bite some one afterwards….

  42. One of your best posts EVAH!

    And I love the second/third cover. The image is fantabulous.

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