Milton

Milton ate all the buttons off my duvet cover.

Milton

At least, I’m pretty sure it was Milton. It might have been Veronica who was the one I found inside the duvet cover, but it’s so much more likely that she waited until someone else did it for her that my money is still on Milton. Milton is living proof that being brainless makes you happy. I’m sure someday he’ll grow up and be very smart, but at the moment, Milton has no fear and no boundaries, which pretty much makes the world his oyster, which he would eat, along with the edge of my post-it flip chart, the pizza I had on the nightstand, my antique wicker side table, and those duvet cover buttons. Milton also chases the cat after being told many times not to, leaps from everything he stands on including the floor, and runs through leaves that are bigger than he is with wild abandon. I need to be more like Milton: the only way through it is to do it, so you might as well enjoy the ride.

On the other hand, a little self-control is a good thing. He sat on my laptop and did something that froze it. He managed to climb up on my sideboard and then tried to jump off (I caught him). And he continually gets himself lost under the duvet. One thing about having four of one breed, you really notice their quirks. I knew that Wolfie was a burrower like most dachshunds because they were bred to go down badger holes, so squirming into dark places under things is the best thing ever for them, but I didn’t realize what I’d gotten into until I had four of them crawling under the covers. Lucy the beagle mix just looks at them, rolls her eyes, and goes back to sleep.

In the afternoon, when the sun’s out, they each pursue their own interests:

Milt & Others

That’s Veronica languishing, Pink looking for somebody to beat up, Lucy pretending she doesn’t know them, and Milton making his move on my laptop in the foreground. He’s a happy dog.

Thank God I’m out of duvet buttons.

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61 thoughts on “Milton

  1. Milton is lovely. But that group photograph is priceless. It just puts a huge grin on my face. With that many babies to look at and look after, I’d never get any work done.

  2. You have a fireplace in your bedroom? A gorgeous fireplace. And found happy, well, contented puppies enjoying the sun streaming through the windows. Life is good, isn’t it?

    I don’t know that Jenny is going to have a choice about finding out. /;+)))

  3. You ought to submit some of these pictures to cuteoverload or icanhascheezburger. I can see the captions now. “What? It’s missing? Noooo. Don’t know anything about it.”

    “See? Just step on this key… who’s that? I’m not using the ‘puter mom! It must have been, like, some other dog.”

  4. Now that you’ve got so many of them anyway you should complete your collection by getting a wire-haired dachshund as those are the real thing (at least that’s what hunters tell me) and you could call him Bruce because they’re of the “Die Hard” kind. In our home village there used to be one who ran away regularly, took the bus to the next stop (they had a friendly driver at that time who took him for free), and went to woo his girlfriend. Since she was as tall as a German Shepherd I think it was a rather tragic relationship but he never gave up.

  5. My cats regularly step all over my laptop…in fact, in winter if I don’t leave a heating pad on somewhere for them, they regularly try to SLEEP on my laptop. I often find it shut down and one of them…and I swear I don’t know how to do this myself, manages to press the correct combination of function keys that starts the narrator running. A combination of the narrator running and a cat sitting on the keyboard equals the computer continually saying something like “fgdjkdf”….from the other room….ghostly the first time you hear it.

    After a sleeping cat burned out (as in overheated and crashed and burned) the hard-drive in my daughter’s laptop, I learned my lesson: I now cover the keyboard of the laptop with an up-side down wire mesh “in-basket” – the kind that can stack with the open front. It works…I have found cats curled up on top of the in-basket as well but at least my laptop is still the way I left it!

    And I do feel for your poor cat! Sounds like she deserves an extra treat for helping to train a puppy. (Yeah..cat person here.)

  6. Will you get any writing accomplished? Right now, I found it much more difficult to sit down at the computer and write with two adorable dogs running around. Plus, I have to keep an eye on them since they still occasionally forget to signal that they need to go out. There are always other things I should be doing, but who can resist puppies that want to play or cuddle?

  7. This is a recommendation to prevent unwanted crashing of computers:

    http://bitboost.com/pawsense/

    It detects cat typing on the keyboard, and locks the computer. Of course it should also work just fine for cute puppies.

    (I’ve never needed it for my cats because getting on the computer would involve effort, but I’ve had friends who had it and liked it.)

  8. Milton’s face is the epitome of canine enthusiasm and eagerness. One can almost hear him cry, ‘whatever it is, bring it on – I can handle it!’ I do hope he doesn’t damage himself with all this wildly optimistic leaping around.

    Even half-dachshunds are into burrowing. The Best Dog in my life, who lived from 1964 to 1976, was a corgi X dachshund. He had one of those dog-beds in the form of a large cushion filled with polystyrene beads, but when he used it, rather than lying on it, he would usually lie under it, somehow managing to leave the surface looking smooth and undisturbed, with no visible sign, no hint of nose, ear, paw or tail, that there was a fair-sized dog underneath.

  9. Just how happy are you? I’m practically glowing just reading these posts and looking at the pictures–you must be in seventh doggy heaven!

  10. I had a happy, brainless dog once. He snorted a large beetle up his nose and it cost me hundreds in vet bills to get it out. But he was happy. Maybe you should invest in a portable x-ray machine for Milton LOL.

  11. “Milton is living proof that being brainless makes you happy”

    Milton must be the canine equilvalent of my ex-husband, except Milton is housebroken.

  12. Stupid duvet buttons just get in the way of perfectly good burrowing. Milton is just a man focused on efficiency. I also like that by freezing your laptop he forces you to take a break and enjoy the bliss that is having your own personal herd of dogs.

  13. Holy crap that is a gorgeous fireplace! I was so dazzled by Milton’s supercuteness that I totally missed the background. If you want to keep them all busy for a while, set up a burrowing obstacle course on the floor with pillows and lots of blankets – like a dachshund-scale Habitrail.

  14. Milton was being helpful he just needs to understand the various ramifications. Such as helpful dogs who hurt computers don’t get to hang with the computers anymore. Or something. Hopefully the laptop is okay and the buttons is the worst of it. Glad they are all demonstrating such lovely approaches to life.

  15. This is the first time I’ve really wanted a dog. Alas, my apartment isn’t big enough for a dog. It’s not even big enough for my cat who pretty much behaves like Milton.

    CathyS: My cat is constantly turning the narrator on. I have no idea how she does it either. She also has a knack for hitting F7 and turning off caret browsing which I didn’t even know you could do until she did it.

  16. That photo looks like heaven! (Although I can’t help wondering where Wolfie was.)

    Every dachshund that I have ever had (admittedly I tend to own them consecutively; I may have to try this owning them concurrently thing) has loved to burrow. When I was first dating my husband I had a miniature named Emma (yes I had a cat, Mr. Knightly, at the same time–I’m not very good at original names). Emma would burrow under the throw on the sofa until she could not be seen. Her 8 pounds just disappeared into the folds. My now husband found it exasperating because, not being familiar with a dachshund household, he almost sat on her several times. But she was even more exasperated than he was because he would then worry that she was going to suffocate and uncover her. Talk about getting a glare. She had worked so hard fluffing the blanket to get it just right. His human attempts to rearrange things so that her nose at least was uncovered were so inadequate, he simply wasn’t able to meet dachshund standards in the arranging of blankets.

  17. The Tales of the Dogs are my morning highlight. Gosh, they’re just so gorgeous! I can see why Milton melted your heart–what a character.

    We had a dark tabby cat many years ago, Gizmo, who, as a kitten, thought soft furnishing buttons were evil spawn of Satan and it was her sole duty to search and destroy them. I’ll never forget the sight of my m-i-l relaxing in one of our chairs watching tv when, KABAM!, Gizzie leapt from the floor and attacked one of the buttons on the chair back, right beside my m-i-l’s head! Needless to say, we eventually ended up with no buttoned soft furnishings anywhere in our home.

    I think Milton and Gizmo would have been interesting companions.

  18. What cracks me up about Milton is that his pictures are always just slightly out of focus, as if he can’t even hold still long enough for the autofocus button to set. Too cute!

  19. I don’t know if Tai’s picture is a spiritual sister, but she’s definitely a metaphor for publishing.

    Tonight, Milton ate the TV room rug. I should have known he was too quiet.

  20. I will never complain when Fiddy (a.k.a. Fifty Cent, the cat) swings from my chandelier again. Or does “George of the Jungle” with the cord from my blinds.

  21. Miss Doxie has posted (after a 6 week hiatus). I had almost given up looking.

    Although the dog stuff doesn’t show up ’til pretty far down in the LONG post.

  22. Veronica, Pink, and Milton don’t really belong on D&G since they’re not part of the book, although I bet Veronica and Pia are BFFs.

  23. Monty and Rosie want to know why THEY’RE not allowed on the bed. Look at all those pooches living the on-bed life and just compare that with their miserable, cold and uncomfortable life in specially bought, fat, fluffy, expensive dog beds – Monty in Rosie’s and Rosie in Monty’s – natch…

    They’re gonna go on strike now – withhold their dogsbreath and happy farts. That’ll teach Susan to let them on the bed…

    Yeah!

  24. Since the buttons, he’s eaten a roll of paper towels, my purple scrubbie thing from the shower (Veronica got it for him), and a pink rabbit. And that’s not counting the things I took away from him. The kid has a zillion toys, but he goes for the household goods.

  25. Tip for Bob: (although I know you know this because you devour dictionaries for breakfast) a duvet is that thing on the bed that’s all fluffy and you’re supposed to take your shoes off before taking a nap on it, or you get screamed at, kind of like when you toss the fancy pillows on the floor. It’s a removable quilt cover, often used as a quilt but without a top sheet. My family call them a “dooner” but then they’re Aussie and don’t speak French and dooner is short for down comforter, go figure.
    And you know what, I think Milton looks like you. We should rename him Bob Milton, or Milton Bob.

  26. Pyxi and Natura looked at your blog and complained that I don’t tell enough people about them. Nothing like having your puppies shame you into taking their pictures and posting them on a blog.

    Nothing like a perfectly rational, sane woman imagining that whole intent from her dogs. What can I say? They have very expressive eyes and body language. 🙂

  27. Sooo, Veronica doesn’t do jumping, but she’s perfectly willing to invade the shower to get more toys for Milton?? Interesting…

  28. As someone who has 4 huskies, yes , I agree that you DO notice the quirks more with 4 than 1. Just be glad you have 4 small dogs trying to burrow, and not 4 65lbs dogs taking over your king-sized bed and trapping you under the covers. Every night i have husky bed-bookends, god help me if I have to get up to pee!
    Your “kids” are adorable. Thanks for sharing the pics!

  29. Y’all! I have it! No, not that. Remember the talk about Clitoris, Washington and how the guys would never find it etc.? Well, Joshilyn Jackson posted a link, today, to just the place for it!!! (There was a sale on punctuation. What can I say?) It’s even in Washington.

    It’s perfect. And Bob could give us classes in commando tactics, assuming he could find it. Heh.

  30. Annie just slashed at Milton when he tried to bite her. It’s like Wild Kingdom here with the cat. I can’t take pictures of that, it’ll scar children.

    And Milton if he doesn’t knock it off.

  31. Tell Milton that if he doesn’t shape up, he’ll be sent to the canine equivalent of Father Flanagan’s Boys’ Town.

  32. For some reason I keep seeing Bob on his next writing trip to Jenny’s. And Bob with all of the doggies. God help us if the guest room bed has a duvet. I hope Milton doesn’t like coffee or it could get ugly.

  33. Jenny: Milton ate all the buttons off my duvet cover.
    Bob: What’s a duvet?
    Jenny: It’s a French tac nuke.

    And Jenny’s has a cosy cover?

    I’m not sure which impresses me more. The idea that Jenny would make a tac nuke cosy or the idea that little Milton would go for the buttons.

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