Well, I don’t like being exhausted, but that goes away if I sit down. Dizzy isn’t good, either, but that goes away if I sit down. Shortness of breath, a very bad sign, but that goes away if I sit down. If you have problems in your life and they all go away when you sit down, you’ve got a pretty good life, especially if you like sitting down because that’s where the books and the computers and the TV are. I think of Terry Pratchett’s Leonard of Quirm, locked up by the Patrician and not noticing because the Patrician gives him all the books and tools and supplies he needs and a great place to work. As Pratchett says, “There’s a certain type of person it is very hard to imprison.” I keep thinking of that as I quit in the middle of doing the dishes to sit down. What a shame my heart won’t let me stand here for another fifteen minutes scrubbing pots. Darn. I’ll have to read something.
This has also led to me considering things instead of rushing by them. I want a big whiteboard but I have not yet ordered a big whiteboard because I am considering the ramifications of my fairly small living room.
And then there’s the fact that I’m considering my health at all. Suddenly I’m taking care of myself, taking my meds, paying attention to the signals my body’s sending me, talking to doctors. I even bought an Apple watch because Mollie was worried. She said, “What if you collapse from a heart attack and nobody finds you?” I said, “I’ll die and the dogs will eat me.” For some reason, this did not reassure her. So now if I fall down, the Watch notices and asks me if I’m okay, and if I don’t hit “Yes, I’m great, and you?” on the screen, it calls 911 and the EMTs will come before the dogs figure out it’s time for the Last Supper. Also, it has a heart rate monitor so I can see what my resting heart rate is (73, which isn’t terrible) and what my walking heart rate is (or would if I walked more). I never had time for this kind of thing before. Now I make time. I pace myself.
Pace yourself, people. Also your novels, but that’s another post.