Businesses on Devil’s Island: More Names, Please

First, I forgive John McCain for Sarah Palin.

So I’m doing some world-building in service of the plot, and I need some more business names.  In particular, I need motel and B&B names.  Inn Fernal and Motel Styx (again, thanks to Lorna) now play a big part, and I added luxury hotels The Deville and The Elysian, but I need a couple more motel names and a couple more B&B names would be good, too.  

I also have a women’s sewing circle that right now I’m calling Stitch and Bitch since that’s such a common, normal name for that kind of group, and the stuff that goes on there is not.  I have a kind of Radio Shack store that’s just called Crome Communications right now; if anybody has a better idea I’m all for it.  The stuff in bold below is already in the book, but a lot of the rest of it is going in as I start filling in details.  

And then as long as I’m asking questions, let’s say somebody is trying to take over control of the island from behind the scenes.  Obviously, one of the basic moves would be to put somebody in as mayor and on the town council and to infiltrate the police.  I also have this person buying up hotels and motels for a particular reason.  He’s going to make a move on the amusement park since that’s the center of the island economy.  What else would he need to acquire to pretty much control the island so that he could do what he wanted (behind the scenes) without interference?

And as always, we thank you for your support.

Here’s the list we had before:

The Morning Star Newspaper (Dame B)

The Devil’s Playground (the big amusement park on the island)
Main road of the park: Good Intentions Drive (thank you, Anne)
Incu Bus (bus line in the amusement park) (thank you,Fi Mac)

Food:
Hell Fries
Fish Styx with Tartarus Sauce
Persephone’s Pomegranate Pops (juice bars, thank you, Kim)

Park Shops
Hell’s Handbaskets (souvenir store, thank you, Nicole)
Hell Freezes Over Ice Cream (thank you, Nicole)

Park Entertainment:
Matt Demon, comedian

Rides
Highway to Hell (Roller Coaster that goes underground, thank you, Philby)
The Leviathon (huge roller coaster, thank you, thank you,Michael)
Seven Deadlies; Park Rides (thank you,Nicole Massey)
Night Mares (park ride) (thank you,Fi Mac)
Pair O’ Dice Gambling in the Park (thank you,Nicole)
The Hell-icopter (thank you, Katrina Snow)

Bars, Clubs, Restaurants:
Hell Bar
The Underworld (Bar in a basement)
Satannica (club)
Hell’s Belles (gentlemen’s club/strip club)
Shady Hades (club)
Enki Panki (singles club)
BeelzePub (bar)

Beelzeburgers (thank you,Michael Mock) including the Seven Deadly Burgers (thank you,Nicole)
The Long Spoon (restaurant, thank you, Philby)
The Golden Calf Steakhouse (thank you,Michael Mock)
The Third Circle All You Can Eat Buffet (thank you,Michael Mock)
Fresh Hell Deli (thank you,Micki)
Snowball’s Chance (ice cream parlor, thank you, KJ)
Sweet Temptations (candy store, thank you, Nicole)
Grace Restaurant; beneath it a bar called Fall from Grace (thank you, Georgia)

Dia-Bowl-Us (bowling alley, club)
The Orpheus Theater with the Eurydice Bar in the back

Stores:
The Devil Wears Praxis (Tailor)
Demonista (Women’s Clothing)
Erishka Gals (Women’s Clothing)
DemoGorgeous (Women’s Clothing)
Lara-Lyssa (women’s clothing designer)
Chamber of Scissors (women’s tailor)
Luci Fur (coats and fake fur)
Imp (Children’s Clothing) (thank you,Michael Mock)
Idle Hands (Craft Store)
Hell on Wheels Bike Shop (thank you, Camilla)
Hell Bent for Leather (Leather goods) (thank you,Dame B)
Shades (Curtains and Upholstery) (thank you,Micki)
Paper Dispensations Stationary (thank you,Michael Mock)

Service
Charon’s Taxi Service
Yama Glamour (beauty salon)
Asphodel Meadows (retirement home)
Cerberus Vet and Kennels
BeelzeSuds: (Laundromat, thank you, Nicole)
Good Intentions Paving Contractors (thank you,Nicole)
Save Your Sole Cobbler (thank you,Fi Mac)
Tia-Mat (Laundromat) (thank you,Michael Mock)
The Primrose Path (Nursery) (thank you,Jane Birdsell)
Vanity Fair Beauty Salon (thank you,Fi Mac)
Devil May Hair Salon (thank you, Salpy)
Hell to Pay Payday Loans (thank you, Dame B)
Rosemary’s Baby-Sitting Service (thank you, AJ)
Hell or High Water Plumbing (thank you, Salpy)
Devil’s Food Cakery (thank you, Salpy)

Motels and Hotels:
The Deville
The Elysian
Inn Fernal
Motel Styx (thank you,Lorna)

Island Social Groups and Churches
Demon Island Historical Society
Church of Satan
The PentaGran, acapella group of five grandmothers (thank you,Fi Mac)

Name the town council refused to approve: Brother’s Keeper (Gardening Supplies) (thank you, Michael Mock, yes, you are going to hell)

74 thoughts on “Businesses on Devil’s Island: More Names, Please

  1. Control Public Communication sources. In the old days, it would have been controlling newspapers and what news got out, op ed pieces, etc. TASS, the Russian news source, etc. Now, the internet and social media?

    infrastructure like utilities, power, water.

    6+

  2. For a B&B or hotel, House of Borgia. Faust Class. Atilla Haus. CB’s B&B. (CB=Countess Bathory) Hell’s Kitchen and Beds you Lie in B&B. Tepish Arms Hotel. L’hotel de Bastille. The Lover’s Armes and The Slothful Rest Hotel are also options. Perhaps the main hotel street, near the amusement park, could also hold the banks, and would be called the Route of All Evil. And if you don’t mind getting a bit self-referential, Miss Fortune’s Bed and Breakfast is an option.
    As for taking over, the entity trying to wrest control would want to control money supply. Data supply would also be key to control the flow of information to the island. If the goal is to control the people there as well, including visitors, then taking over the car rental business and other forms of transportation would be important. (Including the rideshare service, Soul’s Transit) Food services would also be needed, with the smaller fast food businesses like Black’s Dogs (hot dog stand) and Jonah’s (fish place) being early targets because taking over the corporate part of the businesses would give the person control of the branch/franchise locations, so that means more influence faster than taking over individual one shot places. And ofcourse you want control of the courts so anyone who might try to stop the takeover through legal means is blocked. Infiltrating the lawyers, even by as simple a measure as putting them all on retainer, will also help stop legal problems. And don’t forget to infiltrate and take over fringe groups. Using their paranoia against your foes makes anyone trying to stop you’s job so much harder if they’re nibbled to death by cats from the thousands of cuts (Ooh, a barber shop or beauty salon called A Thousand Cuts) of outsider groups nipping at their toes all the time.

    2+

  3. I’d start with: Control the utilities, especially water. Work on a public/private partnership which essentially privatizes it and can’t be reversed.

    Control food distribution to the Park and with the goal eventually the entire island.

    Transportation on and off the island. Banking. A few good real estate agents and property managing companies in the pocket. Definitely someone in the city or island planning office. A friendly journalist to feed op-eds that read as if news. Garbage collection. A few people in the medical industry if there’s potential plague or something. A few people in education to mold minds with theories (like you’re an individual, not a community or there is no such thing as society). Already be a known entity or even a celebrity or politician from the outside, especially if there was previously an emergency where they stepped in and seemed to save the day but in fact they were there to take advantage and further their own agenda. Have an evil minion as a government agent or an activist (an outsider) who seems to be blocking said evil one when in fact, they are helping to knock down obstacles by getting locals to hate them and oppose anything they propose. Go after Legal Council for local government and/or pension plans.

    Ahh, so many possibilities. I’m glad you’re having such fun.

    1+

    1. I also was going to say access on and off the island. Some aspects are possibly already covered – infrastructure like the bridge itself and roads would be owned and maintained by the Council, I assume?
      There are metal detectors on the bridge – who mans those, the police, or an independent body? If the latter, you’d want somebody there, and not a higher up, to control who can and can’t come on the island, on the spot (and is willing to frame someone to look like they tried to bring a gun on the island).

      I’m going from memory here – is it that you can’t take a boat to the island, but you can fly there? In which case, same as above, who controls the airport?

      And as others have said below, if you have the ability to restrict phone and Internet access, you’d want that.

      0

  4. I think what our current situation proves is you don’t need the mayor and the town council. You need someone who has something on the mayor and/or the town council or is promising something they need like jobs or tax dollars.

    Is this person part of the original power structure? In which case, they & their people are already built into the machinery and they just need to tweak it quietly.

    If they’re coming from the outside, someone with money. A new bank, a payday lender, a new developer. Someone on either the planning commission or licensing & inspections. A new newspaper- even though that seems incongruous in this day and age – but like a store circular with cute stories about the kids. To feed stories that lead people to mistrust their neighbors.

    My father used to say that the problem with Tamany Hall is that too much money was going to Irish Americans and not enough was going to the WASP power structure. So the WASP power structure ran on clean it up and kept the bribes and the back room deals for themselves.

    3+

  5. Money. Devil’s Island has its own private bank. He who controls the money can control who can buy and sell. And it is difficult to get outside money for mortgages, cars, loans can subtly affect everyone. Has to stay within state and federal guidelines but still.

    2+

  6. This B’n’B has a tiny little graveyard down at the back of the property – dates back to the earliest settlers on the island – so the owners named the place Tu Autem. They offer guided tours at 2 and 4 p.m. on Saturdays, or by appointment.

    While I’m musing on Latin and gravestone inscriptions, a salon called Ego Eris would amuse me immensely.

    Motel California? As an oblique reference to the Eagles’ song, obviously. Big sign above the front desk says, “Check out any time!”

    Bathory Bed & Breakfast (which, among other things, has a gift shop that sells a lot of anti-aging products)

    Devilish – probably a motel, rather than a B’n’B; very low end, and probably keeps a couple of rooms available to rent by the hour…

    2+

  7. Cell phones. In Door County, WI. the only cell phone provider was local. And they saw no reason to play nice with ANY other cell provider for the longest time. Oddly, you could occasionally pick up a cell signal from Michigan, complete with 1 hour time difference…

    Wifi and Internet. If they’re on an island, they’re probably far enough out that they’re on their own. There was a recent story (possibly on either Slate or Politico) about a place in Colorado with the worst connectivity in the US.

    1+

    1. Satellite wireless is often an option for remote places. Depending on orbits ground interference.

      0

      1. Yes, but the solution would be to offer a faster, cheaper internet solution that subtly tweaked search results or was just reading your internet activity.

        Think how you could manipulate someone based on their internet usage.

        0

  8. All that I could come up with…

    Hope’s Abandonment B&B
    The Ninth Circle (Hotel or Inn, although it might work better for a mini-golf game!)
    Living In Sin Motel
    Cold Day Inn
    Persephone’s Choice B&B
    … and along the same line of thought, The Pomegranate Seed (Inn or B&B)

    0

  9. others have already mentioned city planners, etc., but particularly a permitting office is a great place to have someone if you are trying to really control what can happen in a town. You can prevent people from building, you can force people to re-submit plans and keep them in limbo forever, you can come up with brand-new requirements that no-one else has had to meet, and when people give up and go away you can have your hand-picked creepazoid take over the property.

    True story: my parents bought a lot in St. Augustine, in a development with strict requirements regarding you must keep so many trees, etc. Spent years carefully developing plans, putting in sea wall, sinking pilings, working around the mature trees in which at least one owl (all raptors are protected) nested.

    The city kept throwing their plans back with “well now you have to do THIS.” The last straw was when they were told their pilings had to be *doubled* in depth. They sold up.

    Immediately, someone new took the property, dumped three feet of dirt over the entire thing (killing most of the trees), and eventually built a horrible monstrosity. It was crystal clear that the new buyer had someone on the inside.

    0

  10. Set ‘n Pretty: hair salon?

    Somebody on the water board; knows where all the bodies/pipes are buried & can approve/limbo-ise anybody. And on an island? Control of water supply would be pivotal.

    0

  11. I thought a fun name for a golf course/mini golf would be Hell in One. I’ve got nothing on a B&B.

    2+

  12. I set my group of Creative Writers this as an excercise. A couple other ideas:

    Dante’s inFurnace Repair
    Idle Hands Manicures and Pedicures
    Cloven Hooves Boots and Shoes
    7 Deadly Gins Liquor Store

    1+

  13. Hi! I’m a huge fan and I work at a library where I think my teen program might be a great name for you knitting business’s clubs, ours is called the “Post-Apocalyptic Knitting Club” where knitting’s not just a hobby, it’s a life skill! Thought you could use that.

    Cheers!

    3+

  14. Control of Morning Star a no-brainer, corrupting a popular columnist even better. Most areas now host a closed internet community group. Our own village Happenings page is a tribute to herd mentality.

    0

  15. I only skimmed that comments, so this has probably been mentioned. Control access to and from the island. Waterfront properties to control private access. I also say that a smart takeover would include taking over/planting peeps on the nearest land mass, that way you can control what leaks out from the island. Media, utilities and money. If you can control all the debt that people living on the island have, you control them. They wouldn’t dare do anything that could sacrifice their entire livelihood. Medical – huge focal point of daily living. All resources coming onto to the island. Control the biggest gangs/criminals.

    That’s my two sense!

    0

  16. A bit western-centric on all these puns. The Island doesn’t have its ethnic community districts?

    Kimon tollway (heading N/S, of course)
    Diyu MingBi Banking has its ATMs all over the town
    Guipo Retirement Home
    NiuMoWang BBQ House
    Shisa Animal Shelter
    The Zato Room B&B
    The Dancing Domovoi Hotel (wedding services offered)
    Namahage Daycare

    1+

    1. I agree and came up with a bowling alley called Shaytaan’s Ally (no ‘e’) but there’s a bowling alley in the list – Dia-Bowl-Us.

      0

    2. The island is in northwestern NJ. Multi-cultural is something we’re vaguely aware of but not something we actually experience.
      That said, as long as the multi-cultural bit is pop cultural, too, we’d probably be good. This island is a tourist trap, not an educational center. If the general northeastern tourist population won’t get the joke name, there’s not point in having it.

      2+

  17. Satan Sheets (B&B)
    Wicked Gardens (farmer’s market, gardening center or… )
    Look Like an Angel (Beauty Salon)
    Devil in Disguise Investigations or costume rental
    Ring of Fire
    Burnt Offerings (rib joint)
    Man in the Mirror (barber shop)

    0

  18. In the town I’m from you’d need to distract all the locals who would have been waiting to take over the mayor/councils spots as well as all the perpetual complainers – we had guys who’d poke around the courthouse looking for things they could write to the paper about and other guys who would call in noise complaints and records requests like clockwork. Those people are loud and good at getting into the local paper and I would try to make up some controversy to get them on my side or at least riled up about something else (bridges, school, liquor licenses, etc.). I would also want to do something to distract/placate the saner people who do library/museum services (biased – librarian) because they’d be all up in the local politics and might notice if things started to get weird. Start a rumor about corruption in the library/public services and that would tie up both sides pretty good.

    Good Intentions – event/wedding planning specializing in outdoor work requiring large tents

    Old Nick’s Knacks – gifts/souvenirs

    The Deep Furnace – hipster BBQ

    Infernal Devices – electronics shop (I thought this was from a poem, but it looks like it’s the name of a YA series)

    Mortal Coils – refrigerator repairs

    Cunning Livery – clothing (Shakespeare!)

    2+

  19. Is there a High Road (or a High Street, traditionally the main shopping strip) and a Low Road?

    ‘Infernal Machines’ for the Radio Shack type place? Or, given that having crappy signal connection is hellish, ‘Crome Connection’?

    0

  20. Can’t believe I didn’t think of this already. Undead and Breakfast. Also Crowley’s Inn, which of course would be located at 777 Beast Blvd. (And if you want to put an additional easter egg in this have them playing Queen’s Greatest Hits every time over the sound system for that Pratchett/Gaiman reference) Near the amusement park would be the motels, like Wendigo Motor Lodge and the Devil’s Playground Mote-hell. You could also do a five star hotel called Casa Allegheri. And let’s not forget Auntie Christ’s Bed and Breakfast.

    4+

  21. Two other considerations:

    Dump/landfill/incinerator other means for garbage disposal. Sewage (sewwwwwage)/wastewater/water treatment plant. AKA places to dispose of evidence and potential ways off the island. And I agree, drinking water is huge.

    You’ve got the executive and legislative branches of a government pretty well taken care of. Aside from the Big Bads, is there a judicial system? What happens “normally” when Nita and Buttons catch a crook–are they tried on-island?

    Also (back to executive branch) if the island is NJ, is there a way to prevent the NJ governor (cough) from sending in the National Guard in a disturbance/”natural” disaster? Besides, you know, fear and death?

    Man this book is going to be fun.

    1+

  22. You’ve got a lot of food places already, but I feel you need a takeout barbecue chicken hole-in-the-wall called Hell in a Bucket. And possibly a yarn shop called Idle Hands. 😛

    Places to stay are harder…. hmm. A few thoughts:

    Hell to Breakfast
    Dante’s Rest
    The Noonday Demon (because I’ve just found out from Wiki that’s a term for sloth)
    The Lazy Devil

    That’s all I can come up with for now. This is fun!

    0

  23. Holey Hell! (mini golf)
    The MiltInn (b&b)
    The Fall Inn (b&b)
    The Orpheum (theater/concert venue) with basement bar, Eurydice’s (although I’m not sure basement are common on islands–maybe this bar is just around back from the theater? And obviously it’s bad luck for the performers to go in there…)

    1+

  24. Hotel Graverly.

    For control behind the scenes I’d go City Manager. He is the money man. (Or money woman). As a citizen I volunteered with cops in a small town and no one got a thing done if the C.M. didn’t okay it. The mayor couldn’t order a new street light or hire a new officer without the C.M. saying the money was there.

    1+

    1. Great point.

      Could the “state” send them a new budget director like in Flint?

      Because if you come with the official looking paperwork and the local news treats it as a fact, how many people would actually call the governor’s office to find out if it’s true?

      1+

  25. Gehenna Gardens, retreat and conference center
    Tophet’s Cottages
    The Courtyard at Niflheim
    Tartarus Arcade and Fudge Shop

    1+

  26. If I were going to buy up all that property, and didn’t want to tip my hand, I’d set up a shell corporation or at least hire someone to serve as a straw purchaser. There are probably other ways to accomplish the same thing. Real estate lawyers would know- some tax or criminal defense lawyers (or prosecutors) might also. Land use lawyers too. Think Trump Kushner lawyers. (Or not – ick.)

    Maybe those are more complicated than you might want, but even just a hidden or secret business partner could do the trick. Someone who wouldn’t be connected to the actual buyer without doing a title or deed search, although Nita is no fool and she would probably check those records, which is not a hard thing to do.

    Hmmm. But all that is a different book, isn’t it, yeesh. You can tell I was a law librarian. Never mind 🙂

    1+

    1. I add:
      End of Days Inn
      Lost Soul Lodge

      For a cute B&B – The Patchwork Pitchfork
      More upscale: Brimstone B&B, or just Brimstone’s

      Food: Perdition Pie

      1+

      1. For a B & B: See You Inn

        Other businesses:
        Printer’s Devil (copy shop)
        Devil’s Triangle (Radio Shack/communication shop)
        The Horn (Radio Shack/communication shop OR newspaper)

        All the other commenters had great ideas for underhanded take-overs, and since I’m spending the summer on an island with one bridge accessibility, I can tell you the state of the one telephone and electric line coming over that bridge is of incredible importance!

        0

  27. The Radio Shack-type store could be called “Quantum Leap”. Or, since you are bringing in the dead/undead a bit, a vet service called “Schrodinger’s” after, of course, Schrodinger’s cat. I don’t know, my suggestion may be to tilted to science and not enough to the Hell theme. Although, some people consider science classes to be a form of hell.

    1+

  28. I haven’t had time to read all the other comments, so this may have been suggested already, but if I were trying to take over an island, I might like to control the means of accessing the island. For the humans, this would probably be the ferry boat. Your taxi service is already named for Charon, but maybe also Charon has water taxis?

    0

    1. Or you could just have 9 cul-de-sacs scattered around the island, perhaps in the residential areas — maybe as part of an old neighborhood called Dante’s Circles. Jokes about whether which number circle you live on reflects on your personality/house quality could be awkward or apropos, depending.

      Has anybody suggested a pet store called Purrgatory yet?

      And you only mentioned a bridge and an airport– is there no ferry, or at least some sort of boat rental? I thought I remembered something about not being able to use boats on the lake, but I might have made that up…. But if there are boats (or Charon’s taxis, if not), they could be named after the rivers of Hades: Acheron, Lethe, Styx, Cocytus, and Phlegethon. (The last couple are obscure and sound like respiratory infections, but whatcha gonna do?)

      Also, I thought this was interesting: http://io9.gizmodo.com/13-places-on-earth-thought-to-be-entrances-to-hell-1441628317 (Especially the Pennsylvania town with the 7 gates to hell legend– surely the locals have similar stories they trot out for the tourists….)

      1+

  29. Law firm. Devil’s Advocate.

    Although that does not mean exactly what you expect. The devil’s advocate is appointed by the pope to determine if someone to be beatified, i. e., made into a saint, really meets all the criteria or is merely a good person but not necessarily a saint.

    1+

    1. That would however require a sense of humor – law firms are not known for their senses of humor.

      0

  30. I’m sort of surprised none of us have suggested a hotel named The Last Resort. It would, of course, be all inclusive. Tituba’s Inn would also be a good option for folks up in that neck of the woods.

    1+

  31. Is “The Devil’s Due” anywhere for something? Maybe bail bonds? There are terrible jokes I could make for divorce and alimony, but don’t want to go there

    0

  32. Deem Inn (B&B)
    Mortals Inn (B&B)
    Originals Inn (B&B)
    Rafter Life (a sporting goods place?)
    Sab-batting cages (at the park?) or Play Baal
    Abyss-tro (a bistro)
    Masked Virgilante (comic book shop)
    D-Monics (music store?)
    Savior Seoul (Asian food?)
    Graven Images (headstone supplier?)
    Divine Comedy Club with a punning contest called Punnishment? (or Rhyme & Punnishment)
    Gilty Pleasures (jewelry shop)
    Going Forth By Day (suntan salon? Ref. to Egyptian Book of the Dead)
    MictLAN (internet café? Or just a wifi access point; ref. to Aztec underworld)
    At a hair salon, a special on “Geh”henna..?

    0

Comments are closed.