So. The next chunk. It’s boring.
That’s not exactly true, Nita almost gets killed, so that’s good, but there’s still too much chat. (I love dialogue.) And Nick’s stuff is deadly dull. The structure doesn’t help; it’s two scene sequences spliced together which insures that one of those sequences will be annoying because it’ll take people away from the one they liked. So here’s what I need to do:
1. Take the scenes out of the draft and separate them into Nita/Button PoV scenes in one file and Nick scenes in the other.
2. Read the Nita scenes as one scene (even though they switch PoVs; I’ll cut them apart again later) to make sure that while they each are scenes in and of themselves (protagonist, antagonist, goals, conflict, climax), they also work as a whole. Also make some key content changes that I realized I needed as I worked through the draft.
3. Take the Nick scenes apart completely and divide them into two conversations–Nick vs. Dag and then Nick vs. Rab–showcasing the personalities of Dag and Rab and their relationships with Nick and showing Nick as a leader/mentor. And also the beginning of his changes. Make sure they are each complete scenes, and then make sure they work together.
4. And then the tricky part.
I need to splice these two scene sequences together because they happen simultaneously in order to keep the sense of place and time simple. But if I do that, then the combined sequences also have to work as a whole (see the bit about annoying the reader above). So I also have to work in transitions from Button’s scene to the Nick/Dag scene, to the Nita scene, to Nick/Rab scene, to the Nita/Mort scene. I have to, somehow, make what’s happening in Nita’s scenes relevant to what’s happening in Nick’s scenes, and vice versa.
This is taking some thought. I can do it, I just have to think it through. And cut a lot of stuff. And write some new stuff. That’s about 8000 words I have to wrestle into shape. I’m on it.