So I Went To New York . . .

Usually I craft these blog entries, rewrite them, try to hone them so they make sense (except for the Trudy entries) but I’m behind so I’m just going to zap this one out so the people who are chanting in the background—yes, there are people on the JCF list who are typing “Blog, blog, blog,” believe it or not—will shut up and go away. Although now that I’ve responded to them they’ll just keep doing it because I’ve reinforced them. One damn thing after another.

Why haven’t I blogged? Well, I’ve been BUSY. Busy trying to figure out Trudy (and I love her), busy trying to find things in my office, and now busy in New York, the greatest city in the world, trying to get business and social stuff done. I’m in the West Village in this great apartment in this wonderful brownstone, and I’m in love with it and with the Village. I came into town because I needed to meet with my agent and editor, and to have lunch with Mollie and Dale and Gail and their friend Susan at the Knickerbocker Grill where the waiter kissed me so I’m going back, and then Katherine Ramsland caught the train in from PA and we had a Moroccan girl’s-night-out dinner party at Dale’s. (Dale gave me the address and I said, “What apartment number?” and she said, “There’s a doorman. Do you think we live like ANIMALS?”) Dinner was wonderful except that Katherine would keep talking about the undead. I finally had to say loudly during dessert, “I’M EATING HERE” so she didn’t get blood all over my flourless chocolate cake. Then Dale told a great story about when she was in Africa that I cannot repeat here without her permission but it’s a beauty, involving a famous person and sex. Then Gail talked about her three marriages, which she compares to Gilligan’s Island: The professor, the millionaire, and the gynecologist. Yes, I missed the gynecologist episode, too. The important thing is, Gail didn’t.

And then Bob came into town so we could get our publicity photos taken. I hate getting my photo taken, so I’m awful to work with, but Bob is much, much worse. Of course Mollie was here to run everything including Bob, which I have to admit I enjoyed the hell out of. She showed up with four shopping bags of clothes, looked at what Bob was wearing, and said, “Strip.” He tried on the jeans she got him, came out of the bathroom in his old ones, and said, “They were too big.” She said, “Show me.” Not a woman to trifle with, my daughter. He changed back into them so she could see exactly how they didn’t fit so she could get him the right size which she did by the next morning. She said, “Did you bring a belt?” and he said, “I don’t wear a belt,” and she handed him a belt. Now he wears a belt. He made a brief fuss about a corduroy jacket, but it was futile. In the end, she had him looking really good, GQ good. Not that he wasn’t perfectly fine before, of course, I am not criticizing. (Note to anyone who was in Maui: If I ever get my hands on that damn volcano shirt, it’s history.)

And then the photo shoot started with the amazingly talented Jen Maler. (See www.jenmaler.com.) Mollie and Jen made Bob try on everything she’d bought for him until they had a look they liked, which I enjoyed until they started on me and then I became Difficult, so I’m sure they wanted to smack me. And while I was refusing to wear the jewelry they’d brought, a very nice hair-and-make-up guy was straightening Bob’s hair. When I realized what was going on, I said, “Hold it.” I mean, that’s like looking at Chaplin and saying, “You know, we have to do something about those eyebrows.” Hundreds of women have swooned over that curly hair (while I cackled in the background); you do not get rid of it for a publicity shot. We’re trying to sell books here.

Of course, Mollie was in charge, so they straightened it anyway. During it all, Bob looked like my dog Bernie does when I’m giving him a bath. He hates it, he’s in hell, but he knows he’s trapped and he has to do it. I kept handing him beer all day and that helped, but he still looked at me like a kicked puppy. And the thing is, the pictures Jen took of him were fantastic, although she went nuts trying to get him to smile. Mollie said when she and Jen went through them, 90% of mine were unusable because I was talking or making faces or my head was out of the picture because I was lurching about, but almost all of Bob’s were good except that he had the exact same expression. Best line of the day: Jen to Bob: “You have the range of expression of Kevin Costner.”

But now everybody’s gone and we’re both exhausted and in bed although not together (see earlier blog entry: Things I’m Not). Bob’s in the living room on the sofa bed with the sliding doors to the dining room shut watching Firefly on his computer, and I’m in the bedroom with my sliding doors to the dining room shut answering my e-mail and typing this blog entry. Every now and then somebody e-mails me something that Bob needs copied on, and I e-mail it to him, and I can hear this little echo-y voice from the living room saying, “You’ve got mail!” Then I laugh. This is interspersed with Bob’s trips to the kitchen for more beer—he’s still recovering from the photo shoot—during which he says through the door between the kitchen and the bedroom, “You’re pathetic.”

Sometimes I think, maybe I shouldn’t write this stuff in the blog. If I kept my mouth shut, people would think I have an exciting, glamorous life. But then those other people start with the “Blog, blog, blog,” and I tell the truth. So like I said, this really isn’t a well-written entry, and I apologize for that. But by God, it’s a blog entry.

Now stop chanting and go away.

(Note: I wrote this last week and then couldn’t find my password to post it to Blogger. So to update: Bob likes his hair straight and wants to know how to keep it like that. Everybody went nuts for the pictures and SMP picked out one they love for the book jacket: I’m giddy with exhaustion and Bob’s smiling and looking relaxed with his chin on the table because it’s five o’clock and he’s been drinking since 10AM. We both got great solo head shots (for me, this is a miracle and I give Jen and Mollie all the credit) but the ones that are the most interesting are the ones nobody will see because we can’t use them because we’re making faces.

Like this:

Or this:

Or this:

But if you ever need a head shot done, call Jen Maler. She’s a genius with the patience of a saint who also gave me permission to post these on the blog for your amusement. Also, she’s good with picking out hairstyles; just look at Bob.)

41 thoughts on “So I Went To New York . . .

  1. (-: I wanna be a writer when I grow up so I can go to New York and have Moroccan food and do photo shoots with people who want to make me look good. Great entry, great pics! Now I better work on that growing up stuff; I’m already 37 . . . .

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  2. Jenny, you’ve got beautiful eyes, and a lovely smile and you look good in all the photos. Bob does, indeed, have a kicked puppy look, but people want to look after kicked puppies. So they’ll see the photo of kicked-puppy-Bob, gather it up in their arms and not be able to put the book down. It’ll increase sales. Possibly. And in the middle photo Bob looks like a kicked puppy which has been crossed with Rupert Everett.

    What really strikes me as funny is that Bob appears a lot less dangerous than you do. You’ve got that backbone of steel look that people get after spending time teaching. One can see it there, even when you’re smiling. But Bob, who’s been in Special Forces, looks like a kicked puppy.

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  3. I’d prefer more frequent updates over well-crafted blogs, but that’s just me. I’ll take whatever you’ve got after real life and writing fiction have been served.

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  4. I love that first photo! It cracks me up. You look like you’re holding antique guns just out of sight and you’re about to start counting off 10 paces.

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  5. I dunno. I think the last one is Bob saying, “I’m not going to be long-suffering much longer,” while Jenny is saying, “You just haven’t seen what’s next — Oh hey, guys, time for his surprise!”

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  6. The first one would make a great He Said, She Said publicity still. The last one… Bob’s got that “I finally drank the damned Kool-Aid” glazed-eye thing going on, and Jenny’s ready to mix up another batch. I love it. Oh, to be a fly on the wall of that photo shoot!

    And babe, glad you finally posted another blog entry. The natives were mighty restless. I only have to blog every month or so because I only have three people ever reading my blog – you, on the other hand, are officially providing bloggy sustenance to the masses. Hee. No pressure.

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  7. Thank you, Lord, thank you for the new blog entry. I was DYING without a new one. I was checking over and over and over…….

    Great blog entry.

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  8. Welcome back, Jenny! I’m so glad to see the chanting paid off. I’ve needed an infusion of your wit and wacky sense of humor.

    And making Bob look like a whipped puppy is always good, too. Sorry, Bob, but it makes you look like a sensitive, New Millenium kinda guy.

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  9. Uh, btw, for all you smut-minded Cherries, that’s pronounced, buh-gee-nah. Not like that other word that begins with a v.

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  10. I LOVE the first shot–that one just exudes personality! I agree with whoever said it should be the He Said/She Said shot.

    The last looks like Bob’s telepathically sending an SOS. “Help me . . . Please!”

    It’s too funny!

    Tere

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  11. Sometimes unhoned is nice. 🙂
    Just read my first book by you, you were recommended to me by a friend as a good author…the book was “Manhunting.”
    I really enjoyed it. Thank you.
    ps-Bob is a cutie.

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  12. What fun pics! The first is my favorite, but then if you used that nobody’d believe you about Things You Are Not, because it’s all USTy. 😉 And Jenny, you look great in the 2nd one, but Bob, well, not so much with that facial expression. But also, yeah, I agree with people who think anything that happens in New York IS glamorous, what with photo shoots and agents and meetings and shopping for clothes and eating Moroccan food, and I also agree with “more blog entries, please.”

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  13. Great pics- if these are the “rejects”, I can’t wait to see the real thing. I agree with other posters- the 1st really does capture the “He said, She said” feel really well.

    Great blog, as always…no need to make them “well-crafted”- just you talking about life with Bob (I know, I know, but not WITH Bob) and writing in general is extremely entertaining.

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  14. Well, I must say I am happy you can hear our chanting, and respond to it! 🙂

    It is such a joy to read your blogs! Just a little tidbit of your humor to help make it through a rough week! I love that I can come to your blog site and be certain that I will get at least one laugh out-loud moment. The downside of that is that I then have to relay the tale to my husband. But my re-telling of the story is nowhere near as funny and the original, so he walks away, shaking his head baffled. No matter, it has brightened my day regardless.

    Maybe that is why I prefer the last picture of you & Bob, he looks a little baffled too!

    Thanks for sharing a bit of your life with us.

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  15. Great photos – that first one is brilliant.

    Hey, point Bob to today’s New York Times — the Sunday Styles section has a photo essay on baggy jeans. Not to mention the Week in Review mention of Flirting w/P&P!

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  16. Love thie first photo – can’t wait to see the rest if that’s one of the rejects. Personality plus, you two!
    … and I agree with the previosu comment-maker – less polish, more volume, that’s what we want!
    –Susan

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  17. Yay! New Argh Ink! With pics, yet.

    (Possibly I’m the only one, but I think Bob looks a whole lot like Robin Williams in pic #1, and a little like Joss Whedon in pic #2. It’s the eyebrows, in both cases) They’re all adorable–excellent color choices on your clothes–and despite whatever discomfort you were both feeling you look like a great team and good friends. (You do totally look like you could take Bob in a fight, though.)

    Do please continue to blog whenever you can. Don’t bother about polishing too much…if this is what you produce off the cuff, you really shouldn’t worry. At the end of the day, you know, it’s a *blog*–we all just want another medium in which to adore you.

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  18. Acrually, I like the third one pretty well. Although Bob looks too serious. Le maybe you just said something smart-assed at his expense. Not that you would EVER do anything like that…

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  19. Yay, a blog entry! I was beginning to jones. I love these pics–too bad you can’t use the first one. With that much personality, I would definitely pick up a book bearing that shot. (Which is pointless really, since I pick up any book with the words Jennifer Crusie on the front). In the last shot, Bob did remind me of Colin Firth, but then someone mentioned Robin Williams in the eyebrows and, yeah, I see that. Either way, gotta love a guy who watches Firefly on his computer!

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  20. Bob’s hair is very cute. Now give the details about sex, THAT famous person, and Africa. You can make up the names–like Angelina Jolie can be Angel Jo. We’d never guess.

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  21. Allow me to add my adoration, thanks, begging for more blog entries even with less polish (they can be shorter, too, if you want–just as long as we get a crumb now and then) and my updated assessment of Bob as Discriminating Genius–I already knew he was smart, he’s working with you–but he’s a FIREFLY fan, too! That upgrades him. 😉

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  22. It never ceases to amaze me…about the unsolicited opinions. You both are giants to put up with us. Great blog…made my husband come in and read it so Bob would have sympathetic support.

    Can’t wait for the book!!

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  23. Jenny, I love you! Thanks for posting another blog entry. I’ve been checking almost daily for a LONG time, waiting for another entry. You are the smartly funniest person I’ve ever read. Your grocery lists (if you even write them) are probably a great read.

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  24. For the record, not once did Jenny get me a beer during the photo shoot. She tends to over-state her role in things.

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  25. great pics, jenny! did i tell you that i love your books? hehe.. great entry.. i hope you update this blog more often… anyway, i love all your books! i cant wait for the next one.. 😀

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  26. In the first picture, I think Bob looks like William Russ of Wiseguy fame – a very sexy man. The curls are still there, just tamed somewhat. Great blog, Jenny. I miss the heady days of daily Trudy posts. heavy sigh

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  27. after reading the blog i had a mental image of bob as a sort of surly and exasperating Crotchety Man. Think monobrow and scowl. Imainge my suprise. He’s got it going on!

    While you look cheeky and adorable.

    they are fabulous pictures.

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  28. Tell Bob that L’oreal is developing a pill to straighten hair. I keep seeing him using a flat iron and it ruins the whole image.

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  29. Great blog posting! Thanks for the laughs. And I must say in the third photo Bob has that look that has gone past “just get me out of here” and straight to “just let me live through this — or not”. And Bob, it matter not from where the beer comes, just so it comes.
    Jeanne

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  30. Great pictures of both of you and nice jacket Bob!! Good job Mollie!

    I laughed at the ‘Jenny Crusie not keeping still (or quiet) long enough to get a good shot’ reference–I took several photographs in Reno that are pretty blurry 🙂

    When does this book come out!!!

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